The Hidden Skills Your Child Needs Before They Talk Ep 152

If you’ve ever wondered, “Should my child be talking by now?”  or "Is he talking enough?" -- this episode will give you clarity.

Before children use words, they build the skills that make talking possible.

In this episode, I walk you through the 7 stages of play in the first three years—and how each one helps your child learn to talk, listen, and engage.

You’ll learn:

•  What your child should be doing before words 
•  How play builds attention, understanding, and connection 
•  Simple ways to support development in everyday routines 

This is not about doing more.

It’s about understanding what actually matters—and using what you’re already doing at home.

📥 Free resource:
The Top 10 Essential Skills Every Baby Needs Before Talking

👉 Book a Discovery Call 

These are FREE, one-to-one conversations designed to help determine what to focus on first - and whether a focused 6-week parent coaching format would be helpful for your family at this time. Not evaluations, not therapy - just space to reflect and be heard.

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DISCLAIMER:

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your pediatrician or a qualified health provider with questions about your child’s development or health. The views shared are based on Erin Hyer’s professional experience and are intended to support informed parenting, not to replace individual consultation or care. Every child and family is unique — please use your discretion and consult trusted professionals when making decisions for your child.

📩 Questions: contact@HyerLearning.com
 🌐 www.HyerLearning.com

Transcript

Erin 0:00

those first 12, 18 months are really building strong non-verbal communication that has to be laid down before they really start using those first words or those first phrases around that second birthday. this episode. We're going to dive deep into the different stages of play in those first three years. From when you bring your newborn home all the way through his or her third birthday. And the reason why it's important that all parents nowadays, especially all caregivers, all grandparents. need to hone our understanding of those subtle nuances between those big developmental milestones that we look at at rolling over or standing to walk or crawling or their first words. are really want you to dive deep into those subtle nuances. And why do you do the things you do? During their waking hour. And so there are seven play stages that are linked strongly. To verbal communication or human communication, because those first 12, 14, 16, 18 months are really building strong non-verbal communication. That has to be laid down before they really start using those first words or those first phrases around that second birthday. So let's take a look at what the seven. Different stages are and how you at home can really figure out where is my son or daughter go to where they are developmentally, even if it's a few months behind. and meet them where they are and build up. Through everyday actions purposeful play, and you will understand why you play peekaboo or why it's important to share the meal with him or why it's important to help him learn how to use those puzzle pieces. And so it is both sensory and motor integration, like I've talked about in previous episodes. And human connection building that engagement. So. The first is exploratory play, which really starts after those first couple of weeks when you bring them home. And they're finally getting acclimated to this big, bad three-dimensional world, right? They were in utero. It was perfect. All their needs were met. And now it's like, holy cow, these. Sensory input. It can be toxic and overwhelming, but they're starting to find a rhythm they're starting with your help and guidance. They're really starting to find those. Those steps and those routines. But. This exploratory plate is critical. At laying that first foundation and helping them build interactions with objects and people. And that's key. And you'll see a lot of this exploratory play up through eight months of age. So they're sensory and motor exploration. Is trying to just figure out what the heck this thing is, or whether it's the rattle or whether it's your hand or whether it's, you know, a toy or the mirror. Or. When you introduce solid foods to him around six months of age, it's really exploration. And that's why I continually say let them explore, let them be introduced to a wide variety. He didn't know that this broccoli was food and I'm going to sit down and have a meal with my family versus this rattle is kind of green too. And so it's important that this exploration is really supported in your every day exchanges your everyday activities from eating to dressing to real life play right. But to giving a bath, to playing outside, to crawling around at the playground, all of these things are exploratory and that's why we have to really keep. an eye on your baby because they're going to put it in their mouth. And I know that you know this, but it's, it's not because they just want a mouth stuff is because that's their primary mode. Of data collection. And so babies learn in those first eight months, really how to shift their attention with the object and you, or with you and the object. When you sit down to look at a book or you're playing with cars or your. Introducing, different cause and effect objects. But there. Those things are beginning to emerge. And I use that word very purposely. And it's important that parents understand that it's a process, right? It's emerging he'll, he'll engage with something today and maybe not be so interested tomorrow. But those first. Eight months. He was really learning how to reach for something, right. He he's realizing, oh, this arm is attached to me. I can grab a hold of something in a big fist. I don't really have good, you know, fine motor dexterity with my. With my digits or my fingers at this time, but I can grab, you know, something and get information and you are helping him around that six months, differentiate between a toy item that you can explore and food that is a different satisfaction, And so, but it's really important that building that relationship with you and with the other adults, or, you know, Children in your family and that their attention span and interest gets longer and longer through those first eight months. The next place phase or stage would be nonfunctional play. And what that means is. Between eight and 12 months, again, give or take, depending on, you know, where your child is on this developmental journey, but that the activities with toys and objects are beginning to really support cognitive development. And that's where I've shared in the past, where they are beginning to really master and understand object permanence. And that they're also curious with the whole cause and effect. So you're going to see, hopefully during eight to 12 months, a little less. Mouthing of toys and objects and more engagement with them. Where they're starting to bang things or they're starting to turn. Pieces of toys or objects around to look at it from a different perspective, or they start to really throw things because. It's an it's a cause and effect, right? You'll go get it. Or the dog will go get it, but also that you will often imitate them when they bang on the table or they start to pat. And that's why it's important, then that the toys be upgraded. Two more cause and effect where. If they push this button, you know, something will turn or. There's a lot of engagement with the right and the left hemisphere and working at midline. So they're really thinking about how do I do this again? Or what does it look like if I turn it over? And so it's not that they're thinking about it with language or with words. But they're really just curious of how these objects. Not only feel and taste anymore, but can be used in. The three-dimensional world. So the joint attention with showing you again, maybe throwing the ball or rolling the ball to you. Or giving you a book, realizing that you can share something and every page is a little bit different. And as well as some communicative intent and that's as they're approaching that. First birthday, right. Or somewhere around 10 or 12 months of age, they'll begin to use. You know, very specific and very important words, such as no. Like, no, I don't want to go to bed, but also more right or book or, their favorite toy truck. Maybe you have to help them put it back together. Those kinds of. Gestures and nonverbal communication are starting to be supported by verbal communication because hopefully they've had a lot of oral motor stimulation, With cooing and babbling and chewing. And there. And they're Metoric skills. Uh, in their mouth are starting to really develop and synchronize with, oh, I have this voice. And this I can move these patterns or the, this, this mouth pattern and they will respond. So they're really honing their human connection through verbal and non-verbal tasks. But it's it's through play You and I label it as play, but to them that's, that's their life. They're exploring. They can crawl. Maybe some of these one-year-olds are getting the hang of walking. So their world is getting a little bit bigger. But they're really just wired to hopefully be curious, right. And hopefully want to engage. And that's why every time that you. Interact with them, whether you're changing them, bathing them, putting them in the car seat. Spending lots and lots and lots of beautiful tummy time with them. All of that, that you are connected connecting with them too. And that you snatch these little play opportunities, but because your. You're making it fun and engaging, and then there'll be really beginning to turn take, and they begin to imitate us on purpose. so the third place stage would be that they're beginning to have functional play and that's around 12 to 15 months. And what functional play really means is that they're learning. That these objects, these toys. And they could be say, um, make believe dishes that you have, right. Or old Tupperware, pots and pans. That they have a purpose, I can mix in this bowl. I can eat out of this bowl. Or. That I can put the trains together and they can go to, to, to chug, chug, chug on the track. That, that they're no longer just mouthing it. They're no longer just throwing it unless it's a ball or, or something round. They could generalize it. Anything that's round is is a ball, they're understanding that there are purposeful intention, we they're mapping their cognitive understanding. Uh, of how different objects can work on purpose. And so toddlers really begin to understand through trial and error. That's where you'll see them be given to look at different shapes and, and visually recognize, oh, this triangle shape is different than the circle shape. And you're giving them the verbal, like, oh, Okay, give me the circle, give me the circle or the circle fits here and you're helping them visually and auditorily. And motorically understand that the triangle looks and feels and works differently than the circle, but there's a lot of trial and error. In this particular stage. Um, toddlers use the context for single words to get you to react, Or to request for something or to label. Uh, and, and it's really important that you begin to see those first words because they're connecting. Objects actions. People with their early first words. And, and that they're building that relationship. With human communication, verbal and nonverbal. Uh, and, and the environment. And so. Between 12 and 15 months, you, you really need to help support that and give them time to listen. Like, if you're saying. Where's the Teddy bear. Where's the Teddy bear say he was, hiding underneath the blanket. And, you know, he now has permanent, um, or object permanence, and he understands that you're playing a game of hide and seek or something. Where is Teddy, where is Teddy? And he goes to look for it on purpose. And so he's beginning To understand that. That's world has functional purpose, So that's between 12 and 15 months, the next play phase. Or play stage. I keep saying that. Is early symbolic play. So that begins around 17 or 18 months. And that's going to continue for a while, but it, you should begin to see it around 18 months of age that there's early pretending, like I said, he could begin to mix in the mixing bowl or he could, You know, pick up something that's rectangle and use it as a phone. those early stages of pretending they're really, really important. And, and during this. 8 10, 12 months all the way through 16, 18 months. We really need to support their gestures because I've, I've shared. on these, these podcasts on these videos, but also in, in my day to day, practice that if a child is slow to talk then we will often try to get them to verbally communicate. Before they're quite ready before they realize. That we can have symbolic representation. Like to wave goodbye or to blow a kiss or to clap when you're happy that, that symbolic understanding non-verbally through gestures. And I've mentioned the 16 Gesture By 16 Months that are critical to helping support that verbal communication. So the actions and gestures in symbolic play will support the, the early single word production to. And so when they understand that they can pretend or model what everyday actions, whether it's sweeping or dusting picking weeds. you know, making food, putting the baby down, all of those. Gestural play symbolic play helps support and then the speech comes with it. Right. hush, baby. Don't cry. Or here's here's your bottle So what's key here with early symbolic plays that you're really seeing it begin to emerge around that 17, 18 months. And, and that's important too. Where we're always looking at how many words do they have or are they starting to combine two words? Can they follow a simple direction? Which is true, but sometimes it's more important to step back and watch them play. And watch how they're trying to live alive, very similar to the adults around them, right. Taking care of their babies or mixing some food or driving a car. All of those. Early symbolic plays are, are really important to start to observe and see. Around that 18th month mark. So the next phase would be where they're combining play actions and familiar routines. And it's just remember it. Things are evolving, right? They're emerging. And so between 19 and 22 months That they really do I perform several different actions with toys and it's often based on what they've seen around them. And that's why it's important to always be including or as much as possible to include them in what you're doing. Whether, you know, say you're folding the clothes or you're going to go grocery shopping, or you. take them outside and sweep the front porch or pull some weeds or water the lawn. Or food prep. All of these day to day actions, laundry is a great activity to get them involved and then they will. Model that in their play. And the reason why it's really important is because that's those actions that gestures really support verbal communication is taking the pressure off what's this what's, this what's this, or, tell me all the colors, you know, all of that rote kind of memorization and. And really wires it through action and verbal communication. So then the next phase would be. Around 24 months through 30 months of age where they're expanding those play routines. And they're really understanding the steps that are involved and that you turn the water on first, fill up the tub. Then put the baby in wash, wash, wash, rinse, and that they're understanding that the sequences because that will then support their verbal communication. So toddlers will use phrases and sentences. At this stage at 24 to 30 months, and you'll see a big explosion of verbal communication. And so they move from 50 to a hundred single words to multiple phrases. And then, by the time a child is 30 months, 34 months, 36 months, they're really having conversational flow and that's important. But all of these types of play or engagement with you. And then there, they practice and rehearse. Without you right. As you're doing the real things, they can go over there and play. But if that's reinforcing. How this world works and their understanding, And that it's also important around this 24 to 30 months, that those Wh- questions. And I've referenced this before and down below, I'll have a link to where you can get a PDF, an understanding of how that hierarchy of Wh- questions is developed. But, they will begin to ask and answer a wide variety of Wh- questions more than just the concrete what's this what's this or. Where is Johnny, but more like HOW MANY, and WHY which is a higher order thinking. we don't expect a two-year-old to understand that, but as they're reaching. That 30 month, 36 months, then those types of processing. Why do you brush your teeth? Right. Or what would you do if you're cold? Then they, because then they can think with, I. I've gone through that action over and over and over again in real life. And then I pretended, and now I have language and imagination in my mind. To imagine, oh, if I was cold, what would I do? I'd go find a sweater. Right. And so it's really important. That they're included in your day to day routines. And then they can rehearse that And then the final step is really looking at early role play and then games with rules and that's tricky, but, uh, but a three year old give or take. really understands that there are boundaries that there are guidance, even though that can have emotional meltdowns too. But it's there they've experienced enough life with others with through trial and error through shaping of your direction. That they begin to understand and can take on a different role, And so early role playing, you know, whether it's dress up and I'm going to be the doctor or I'm going to be the teacher, or I'm going to be the truck driver. All of those kinds of things are really important, because their imagination is expanding and they're thinking and I've shared with previous episodes, how. Imagination and curiosity. It really drives their higher order thinking. We don't want a two year old or a three-year-old just to memorize facts, and that sometimes I get really. uncomfortable when preschools are focusing on those academic kinds of things, such as, you know, colors and numbers, or let's write your name. And, and those things. our big developmental markers, but if we don't have the, the play-based the language base, the social interaction based to support that. Then it's just academic skills, We want them. By three to have conversations with us. We want them to imagine when you're telling the story, before you turn the page, you say, oh, what do you think Tommy's gonna do? You know, say he, he, you know, Fell off the swing and nobody was there to help them. I'm just making up the story, but what would you do? And, and it's putting your putting himself or herself in that character's role or, it could be a story that has a moral to it. Somebody pushed him. What could he do? and, and you want them to be able to expand their imagination, putting themselves in somebody else's position. And what would you do? Was that a good choice to, you know, push him because he was frustrated or. You know, what would you do if your baby brother started crying? You know, who would you go to those kinds of problem solves that problem solve Vien. Episodes. Where they can then generalize them into real life. it's critical. Just imagine by that first birthday. They have, 10/15/20 words by their second birthday, they have 50 to a couple of hundred words. And starting to put concepts together in short little phrases. By the third birthday, they're having full fledged conversations and answering why questions or tell me all the steps you need to brush your teeth. And they. Understand the order, and they're able to verbalize it. So that is really rich verbal development. But it's based on. Their life experience in the here and now. And again, that's why I am here to encourage you guys you moms and dads and grandparents to not think that screens are healthy for their visual, their auditory, their verbal, and their social communication. a video online will never, ever, ever replace what he or she can can foster by human connection and human engagement, and then real life practice out there, you know, to go over to, their play area and say, oh, I'm going to, pretend to, build this castle or. go swimming or whatever the pretend is. So those are the seven different stages. And I will have a description down down below that you can look at. And the key is. To always go where your child is developmentally and then help them step up to the next one. Even if you feel like, oh, you know, he's 18 months and he doesn't do this, this or this, then go to where they are and help support them. So the first one EXPLORATORY play between three or four weeks of age and up through their eighth month. The second one NONFUNCTIONAL play that's between eight and 12 months. And the third one BEGINNING FUNCTIONAL play between 12 and 15 months. That the really putting, verbal communication, gestures, and actions together. The next one is EARLY SYMBOLIC play that the very early pretending around that 17, 18 months of age, they're also starting to put more single words with that. Then the next one, uh, COMBINING PLAY ACTIONS and FAMILIAR ROUTINES, and that would be between 19 and 22 months. EXPANDING PLAY ROUTINES, where they can really begin to pretend. and understand what I do in the specific steps. And answering and asking Wh- questions a wide variety. And then the last one is really early role play and beginning to understand some GAMES WITH RULES and that's when you would help them. With, you know, spinning. a color dye or taking turns in counting like candy land and, and those kinds of things, but also that there's a beginning, middle and end. And that there's purpose. and quite often, W go fish and those kinds of things. I encourage families to do that as teams. And so you're helping them emotionally feel. Supported through understanding the steps that are directed there. And the key is as they're approaching that third birthday, that they're really are speaking in sentences and that they're understanding more complex constructions of, of grammar and syntax. And that as they reach that third birthday. That they're, they're engaged with playing with peers and family members and friends and whatnot that. They're not always going to be emotionally self regulated, but that there. they're highly interested in, in friends and that's important, okay. So with that, keep that in mind. Understand to watch your child or to help them, wherever they are, and then build from that. And don't forget down below, I will have this chart, this graph here. So you can really look and understand where is my child now and how can I support them over these next couple of weeks or through summer and go inside and outside and help them be interested and curious and expanding their skills. So you've got this. thanks again for spending time with me. And if you're gaining benefits, please, do me a big favor. leave a review. That's how I'm going to expand my reach. That's how I'm going to really get this information in the hands of moms and dads, just like you, who are motivated and know that living in this modern day world that we're, we're all trying to navigate, can feel overwhelming an uncertain from day to day and that you just don't wait until they're three years old and saying, I guess he's a slow talker. He doesn't have very good social skills. No, we can start from day one and it's built from really playing with you and then expanding his world from there. So you've got this, let's do it together. See you next week.