Your Toddler Doesn’t Need a Bigger Christmas - They Need a Calmer One Ep 134

Christmas can feel heavy for moms of babies and toddlers - full of pressure, expectations, and the fear of getting it wrong.

In this episode of Talking Toddlers, we talk about why a simpler, calmer Christmas is often exactly what young children need - and how choosing less can create more connection, regulation, and meaning for your family.

You don’t need more information - you need clarity, support, and a simple way forward.

Talking Toddlers is here to help you slow down, understand what’s developmentally normal, and focus your energy where it truly matters.

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If you’re looking for more personalized support, you’ll find details about Erin’s email community, free resources, and Discovery Calls in the description below.

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Discovery Call — for parents of babies & toddlers
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Because the little years are the big years.

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Disclaimer: 

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your pediatrician or a qualified health provider with questions about your child’s development or health. The views shared are based on Erin Hyer’s professional experience and are intended to support informed parenting, not to replace individual consultation or care. Every child and family is unique — please use your discretion and consult trusted professionals when making decisions for your child.

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Transcript

Erin: 0:00

Remember during these early years that right hemisphere is really the driver, and so language processing isn't really being tapped in, especially in these big open family gatherings. So they're going to take it all in by the feeling, by the noise, by the looks and the sounds. So those first 10, 15 minutes really tell the nervous system Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're gonna cover all of that, but here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. If your toddler seems to be listening less during the holidays, melting down faster, clinging harder, or just feeling really off. Let's pause for a moment because what you're seeing right now isn't misbehavior. It's a nervous system waving a white flag. The holidays, especially Christmas, are uniquely hard on little brains, lights, noise, new people, disruptive routines, big expectations all layered onto a nervous system that simply cannot self-regulate. Yet your toddler's nervous system is a bit like an old AM radio. When the routines are steady, the signal comes through clearly. But when the environment keeps shifting, the signal drops into static, and that static is what we often label as misbehavior. so the goal during the holidays isn't to correct your child, it's to steady the signal before things fall apart. I want to tell you a story because this isn't just about inconvenience or embarrassment or getting through the holidays. It's about what overwhelm actually feels like to your child. Several years ago, a friend and I took her small little boy to the mall during the holidays. It was, he wasn't quite three yet. I was single at the time and I thought, ah, this is gonna be fun. The lights, the decorations, seeing Santa, the whole thing. I encouraged my friend, the mom to let him walk around a little bit. Movement was good, right? But at one point we lost him. And it wasn't a casual moment. The store actually locked down. Employees were called to the floor doors were watched. There was that sudden sinking panic, that kind that tightens your chest and makes all kinds of thoughts just race through your mind. We were searching everywhere. After maybe 10, 15 minutes, we finally found him. He was hiding under a clothing rack. I dropped to my knees and I wanted to get in front of him and help him come out. I wanted to also see his face, like, what the heck are you doing? But what I saw actually stopped me cold. He wasn't being naughty. He wasn't being distracted. He wasn't even curious. He looked terrified. And what struck me most was this the same overwhelmed nervous system I saw in that moment is also the same nervous system that looks more like. Meltdowns and clinging and shutting down and not listening. In the average toddler, from his perspective, from his height there on the ground level, the noise, the crowds, the movement, the lights, it was almost suffocating. And I remember sitting on the floor looking up from his viewpoint. Thinking this isn't fun for him at all. It was toxic and I've never been able to shake that feeling, especially in large department stores or large events. I always just look at the children and really feel so strongly that most of the time they're not enjoying it. Because it made me realize how often we ask little children to tolerate environments their nervous systems simply can't handle yet. I'm talking about your toddler, that 1, 2, 3, and even 4-year-old, and then we're surprised when they fall apart. Christmas is that prime experience and I, I think everyday life it can show up, but Christmas takes it up a few notches. There's more noise, more people, more expectations, and less rhythm, because the truth is your toddler hasn't changed. Only the environment has. I think it's important to recognize your, your toddler is not going to get lost in a department store. I'm fairly confident that was one in a million, but the same nervous system response shows up in much smaller ways. During the holidays, meltdowns, clinging, shutting down, not listening. Which is why the goal isn't to push your toddler through Christmas. It's to buffer their nervous systems before they begin to tip over and melt down in that overload. And that doesn't work if we, we try to navigate once the meltdown has started and we're in the middle of it, it starts before the event ever begins. So today I want to share three simple buffers, not to control your child, but to steady that signal so they can stay regulated. So let's take a look at these and, and just keep in mind that small, intentional choices such as when you arrive or how much attention your child is asked to handle, how predictable those first several minutes feel. All of these things can make a huge difference between your toddler slowly adapting and getting acclimated, and one who hits the sensory overload before the day even begins. So as we move into these buffers, I want you to imagine something with me. Get down on your knees for a moment and look up, see what the room looks like through your child's eyes. These buffers aren't rules. They're a way of parenting from your child's perspective, from his or her nervous system. Not from our perspective as the grownups, five feet or six feet. So one of the most powerful ways to steady your toddler's nervous system is the time that you arrive. And I have shared this with parents hundreds of times. I want to say this gently. Also, family gatherings can be the hardest. people who love each other the most are often the ones who dismiss each other the most too. Believe me, I get it. I'm one of nine children and I was the seventh, so there are a lot of older siblings telling me what to do. So comments like, uh, they'll be fine. Or they just need to get used to it. If you're being so touchy or careful, these common comments happen, especially around the holidays because everybody's, like I said, a couple of notches more happy or intrusive. Right. but mom and dad. This is where I strongly encourage you to find courage, to be strong, loving, and firm. If you're going to somebody else's home, try to arrive a little bit earlier than everybody else. Not so your child can perform and not so they can be passed around, but so they can adapt quietly at their own pace. Early arrival gives your toddler time and, and space to get acclimated, right, that this is a new environment. The sounds, the smells, the extra decorations. It, it is really dysregulating and we want him or her to get acclimated without pressure. So when the rooms or the house. Fills more slowly. Their nervous system has a chance to tune in, and I assure you, you as the parent are not being difficult. You're protecting the health and wellbeing of your child. So once the environment starts to feel a little safer, the next thing your toddler's nervous system looks for is predictability. Makes sense, right? And for little ones, nothing is more predictable or regulating than food. So the second buffer, there's only three, is food. And this one matters more than I think most parents or grownups ever realize. For toddlers, food isn't just nutrition, it is regulation. Yeah, if you can, I always encourage, feed your child before you go, or depending on the timing, right, bring familiar foods with you. and now we're talking about kids that are 1, 2, 3, 4, and maybe even five. When you arrive early and quietly, you could also pre-select what they're going to eat. Look around and see, oh, Johnny, what looks good for you? Pick just one or two items. What matters is that something feels safe and predictable and, and, and they look forward to that. This is not the time, and I say this all the time, this is not the time to push new foods and not the time to insist on big manners either. And definitely not the time to just one more bite kind of thing. We, we, we as parents get uncomfortable with our young children who's just coming online and trying to figure this social thing out, and we really can expect too much from them. So the other thing about food. I have to mention is to keep a close eye on sweets, and I know that's very tricky during the holidays, but sugar, excitement and an already overloaded nervous system is a tough combination. So again, pre-select and talk with your little one ahead of time. What. We want to do here to have fun. You're not trying to win a food battle. You're trying to set the stage so your child can stay regulated and really enjoy the day, right? And, and build relationships with family and friends. You know, he's only been, or he or she has only been in this world for a couple years at best, and even when you arrive early. Even when the food is handled thoughtfully, there's still one small buffer. This is the third one that can make a big difference, and that third buffer is often overlooked, but it's really to protect those first 10 or 15 minutes as the people start coming in, and that means no immediate handoffs. Right or no, say hi. Say hi. No pressure to perform or wave or hug or share. That always tricky around family. I get it. But try to be mindful of this. Let your child look around. Let them stay close to you. That's important because you are their rock. You're their safe haven. Let their body settle in. Before their brain is asked to engage. Remember during these early years that right hemisphere is really the driver, and so language processing isn't really being tapped in, especially in these big open family gatherings. So they're going to take it all in by the feeling, by the noise, by the looks and the sounds. So those first 10, 15 minutes really tell the nervous system two things, one of two things, I'm safe, I'm connected, or this is overwhelming and I feel disconnected.

14:47

So when you can protect that window. Everything that follows goes so much easier, I assure you. And sometimes that also means yes, you're the first to arrive, but it's also could be that you're first to leave. They often go hand in hand. Just with a little one. Every year is gonna get a little easier. These aren't big interventions, right? This isn't something I created as a therapist. These are small, intentional choices that being around little ones and understanding big events, whether it's a school party or you know, Halloween marching events, or Christmas at your aunt's house, They mean the same things, right? We have to look at where your child is developmentally and go back to how can we steady the signal. You're not lowering the expectations because you think your child is weak and can't handle it. You are adjusting the environment because you recognize and respect that your child is still growing. And when you can do that, you protect your toddler, right? You reduce the meltdowns and at the same time, I think you give yourself permission to parent intentionally and with confidence. This is what parental leadership looks like in those toddler years. And I wanna offer one more thought as we close. When things feel overwhelming for either your your toddler, or yourself as the parent, it's often because we've lost the rhythm. Not the structure, but the rhythm. Simple, predictable moments that signal safety and belonging for young children, those rhythms don't come from more activities. They come from repetition and connection. So it might look like baking the same sugar cookies every year, singing the same Christmas carols, reading extra stories by a candlelight going outside together to build a snowman or go sledding. Or just simply slowing down a couple of evenings a week. These aren't traditions to be performed. They're rituals that tell your child's nervous system, Hmm, this is familiar. I remember this. This is safe. This is home. And that more than anything is what Christmas is meant to hold. Feeling connected and feeling grounded and feeling familiar. And as we head toward the new year, I want you to know this January isn't about fixing your child or fixing you. Is is about building rhythm so you're not white knuckling your days or second guessing yourself. I want to help you make 2026 more rhythmic, more predictable, more comfortable, so I'll be opening more opportunities to work closely with parents. Not because every child needs therapy. That's not it. But I do believe every parent deserves clarity. And these days it's kind of noisy out there. One of the ways that I can offer that clarity is through discovery calls, and these are free quiet conversations that you and I have. But before the call, you'll fill out a short survey. And it's just enough information to help me understand a little background on your child, what your routines are, and what's weighing on you the most. What questions do you have? then we'll meet via zoom. There's no pressure, no diagnosis, and no commitment. It's simply a conversation. The purpose of the call is simple. To help us decide whether working together one-on-one in a short focused six week coaching format is the right next step for you, or whether you're already doing what your child needs, and you can keep going with confidence Either way, you leave with more clarity than you came in with. If that feels supportive, you'll find the details in the description box down below, and if not, let this conversation be enough for you today. God bless and I look forward to seeing you in the next talking toddlers.