Talking Toddlers
As a new mom, don’t you wish you had someone whispering in your ear with practical and trustworthy guidance? Finding clarity can be challenging these days, and the uncertainty seems almost deafening. Talking Toddlers breaks down how our children grow, learn & develop - by building relationships, human connections, and learning through language. I’m Erin Hyer, a licensed speech-language pathologist - and for nearly 35 years I’ve played with kids on the floor, inspired parents to use everyday routines for learning, consulted with early educators, and trained graduate students to move beyond the classroom and “think outside the box.” My purpose is clear - understand how the brain learns to learn, bridge any gaps before they turn into life-long challenges, and keep kids moving forward. I don’t believe in “taking anything for granted” or “leaving it to chance.” Nor do I subscribe to accepting the increasing “new normal.” Parents are in a very special position to create a language-rich home environment & truly guide kids to thrive, to learn through everyday activities, while building confidence, flexibility and a true curiosity for learning. Episodes will bring practical ideas, as well as, some deep dives to help you understand why there are roadblocks? I believe we are more likely to implement strategies and activities or make changes if we know the reasoning behind them. My goal - to help moms feel empowered and toddlers happier. Please join me every Tuesday, Talking Toddlers where moms come for clarity, connection and courage. Stay tuned for amazing interviews, discussions & practical guidance on how Talking Toddlers learn to thrive - at home - with their moms!
Talking Toddlers
Why Toddlers Won’t Share (And Why You Can Stop Worrying) Ep 130
Are you tired of feeling embarrassed when your toddler won’t share?
In this episode of Talking Toddlers, Erin Hyer, speech-language pathologist and early development specialist, breaks down what’s really happening inside your child’s brain when they say “mine!”
You’ll learn why true sharing isn’t developmentally possible before age 4, how playdates often set toddlers up for stress (and shame), and simple ways to build calm, language-rich moments of connection at home.
Erin also reveals how early turn-taking builds the foundation for real cooperation — without guilt, begging, or over-coaching.
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CLICK HERE FOR: Building Vocabulary: Single Words to 2-Word Phrases
Because the little years are the big years.
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Disclaimer:
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your pediatrician or a qualified health provider with questions about your child’s development or health. The views shared are based on Erin Hyer’s professional experience and are intended to support informed parenting, not to replace individual consultation or care. Every child and family is unique — please use your discretion and consult trusted professionals when making decisions for your child.
📩 Questions: contact@HyerLearning.com
🌐 www.HyerLearning.com
I often call it at this age, a play date trap, because it tricks even the most loving, well-intentioned parents. As well as educators and therapists, but we picture toddlers being able to share sweetly, taking turns, playing peacefully, especially if we have this sweet, beautiful child at home. And we've seen those soft kind moments, but that image comes from our adult fantasy, not child development. Because a play date with toddlers under three is not a social event. It's an experiment, and it's an experiment looking at Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. If your toddler refuses to share, pushes a friend or clutches a toy, like it's made of gold, you are not doing anything wrong. You are not failing. You're actually watching healthy development in action today. Let's walk through what's really happening beneath those mind moments and how to lead with calm. Confidence and connection instead of guilt, embarrassment, and even shame because the truth is what the world calls bad behavior or the terrible twos is actually the work of becoming human. By the end of this episode, you'll know what sharing really means developmentally and what's realistic at this age, and how to set your child up for success at home with friends, and in those tricky social moments that can make any parent feel judged. You will walk away understanding why toddlers aren't capable of true sharing yet how play dates can easily become pressure cookers and how to create an environment that helps everyone feel successful and how early turn taking becomes the bridge that real cooperation can develop later on. So please hear this. You can stop apologizing for your toddler being a toddler. Welcome back to Talking Toddlers. I'm Erin Hyer, speech language pathologist, a mom and your guide to understanding what's really going on inside those little developing brains. Here I help you move from worry to wisdom because you know what's normal. And that you can respond with confidence instead of confusion. Let's start with a truth that should help you feel a deep exhale. Sharing isn't developmentally normal and it is not a failure when your 2-year-old screams no mine. She is not being rude. She isn't being mean. She's just being too. The ability to share requires skills. Toddlers simply don't have yet, for example, language to express what they want, impulse control to pause before grabbing. Emotional regulation to handle frustration and cognitive awareness to understand another person's perspective. We call that theory of mind. It's very sophisticated. None of that is mature when your toddler is two or even three, not even close. Expecting sharing too soon creates this shame cycle. You as the parent feel embarrassed. Your toddler feels misunderstood and totally confused, and both of you end up feeling dysregulated. So take a deep breath here. And remind yourself this is normal at this age, toddlers are firmly in the world of parallel play, right side by side, playing near other children, but not with them. They can sit side by side at a table. Or even on the floor building towers from the same pile of blocks or even coloring on the same table with the same paper, but each is focused on their own separate activity. Have you ever seen two toddlers who kind of know each other and they see each other and light up, run to greet, give each other a hug, and then turn and walk away, and you're wondering what happened? They don't ignore each other outta rudeness. They simply have no idea how to actually play with each other. They recognize, they recognize each other. They adore each other. They don't have the language to invite them in or the cognitive skills to sustain that and carry it to the next level, let alone any of that emotional bandwidth they need. To share. So parallel play is the bridge between solidarity play and cooperative play. It's when your kids observe one another, they begin to imitate one another, and it's quiet social learning. So let's walk through how play actually evolves, because this is the foundation that explains everything. Okay, let's look at that. 12 to 18 months. Exploratory play begins to shift into more functional play. They push some cars, they rock a baby doll. They dump and fill a lot of containers, and we talked a lot about what play looks like at that 12 to 18 months, last week in last week's episode. Now let's move into that 18 to 24 month period. That's where functional play expands into early pretend play, and it's just the early stages. It's not real full blown imaginary play yet, but they have had enough life experience that they can pretend to feed themselves or their baby doll, right? Make pretend phone call with a block, or even anything in that shape. Pretend to ride a horse. It's simple and concrete, and these skills are beginning to emerge now between two and three years of age. That's 24 months through 36 months. Parallel play takes center stage. They begin to expand their world just a little bit and are interested in peers, right? But. They truly just play side by side with similar toys, the same space, but they're still very separate play worlds. It's not until they turn closer to four. Through that fifth year, we begin to see early attempts at cooperative play. Sharing roles, creating goals together, trying to work together and navigate all of this. There's still a lot of energy, but. The, since they have a lot more language, right? They're, they can understand and express themselves. They, they begin to truly listen to other people and begin to think about them. That's a big shift between, as they approach that fourth birthday and then through that fifth birthday, that fifth year. So when a parent expects sharing at two. Or three. It's like asking a toddler to read a chapter book before they can even sound out the letters. I want you to think about that. And yet online, all over social media and probably in your community, friends, family, neighbors, teachers. Physicians, therapists, there's a whole bunch of people that really don't understand this. There's a constant drumbeat about big feelings, big emotions, the terrible twos like I mentioned, and and a DFK deeply feeling kids. And yeah, all of that is true. Feelings are real. Emotions are big for these little guys, but labeling your toddler as a DFK or using gentle parenting methods or scripts, miss the bigger point, and I've said this for 35 plus years. It is not that they have huge emotions. Yeah, they, they do. But the issue is that their brains haven't yet developed the tools or the processing skills to understand them, let alone name them and express them, and then regulate them. Not a two, not a 3-year-old. We're putting the cart before the horse. Think of it that way. At this stage, it's not about managing big feelings. It's about building systems that will one day make that possible. We are literally wiring the brain, laying down the pathways that help your child feel connected, secure. And in control of his or her own body. So when you see a 10 month old or even a 1-year-old push another child, I see it all the time. That's not aggression, that's reflexive. Big motor communication. They're saying, Hey, you're in my space. Go. You are too close to this object, to this toy, to this something that's important to me. Or they're also saying, I don't have another way to tell you, so I'm just going to get you outta my way. That is appropriate. Now you and me, we would say, oh, that's unkind. But the truth is they can't be kind yet. They can't be gentle yet. They don't have the motor skills or the cognition or the emotional regulation. Like I said, Emotional regulation doesn't appear at a thin air. It grows inside a nervous system that matures through movement and rhythm and repetition and practice and building relationships and a lot of rest. So instead of trying to teach emotional control. At two, our job is to create conditions for it to develop naturally. It is like trying to force a tulip bulb to bloom in November. You can't do it, not because the bulb is stubborn, but because the work isn't visible yet. It's not ready. Underground. That bulb is storing energy, building internal structures, forming roots, preparing for the moment when everything is strong enough and in alignment to push upward through the soil. But if we dig it up, tug on it, or try to make it sprout early, you don't speed it up, you damage it. you interrupt, the very process that protects it. Toddlers are the same way. You can't make them share or wait or regulate themselves before their internal systems. Language, sensory stability, emotional wiring. Until all of those systems are developed enough, not perfectly, but enough to carry through on some of those skills and social expectations, your job isn't to rush the bloom. Your job is to tend the soil. So now that brings us to one of the most misunderstood situations that I have witnessed and seen and participated in for decades, and that's the play date. I often call it at this age, a play date trap, because it tricks even the most loving, well-intentioned parents. As well as educators and therapists, they misunderstand it often, but we picture toddlers being able to share sweetly, taking turns, playing peacefully, especially if we have this sweet, beautiful child at home. And we've seen those soft kind moments, but that image comes from our adult fantasy, not child development. Because a play date with toddlers under three is not a social event. It's an experiment, and it's an experiment looking at self-control and maturity. Toddlers don't have much of either of those, so they were just being exposed to building kind of that social. Muscle strength, what parents and therapists often interpret as rudeness, poor behavior, social delay, or parenting failure. Honestly, it's actually normal development, colliding in real time in real life. Toddlers are still learning how to exist in their bodies. They're, they're beginning to learn to tolerate frustration, and they're just tapping into, how do I recover when something doesn't go my way? And this whole waiting, that's not necessarily easy. And then to build that in a play situation, how do I coexist with another child's energy? I'm so used to this energy being all mine. How do I compete with that? How do I understand that? Toddlers are egocentric by design. Their world is small and centered on me and mine, and that is not selfishness, that's survival. At this age, that's God's design because learning takes an enormous amount of energy and focus and internal sources. They have to be self-absorbed to master things that we've talked about here all the time. Crawling, climbing on furniture, walking, talking, toilet training, building blocks and puzzles, and sitting still for stories. That is intense. Energy. So this is why I believe daycare and early preschool settings often get sharing wrong, and I have felt this way for decades. Groups require waiting and cooperating skills. Most three year olds and under simply don't have yet. So what happens? US adults in this group setting end up managing behavior reprimanding instead of nurturing development Now. I wanna be really clear and sensitive to those of you who are in this situation. I just wanna bring this to a level of awareness, especially teachers because I know there are teachers who are, who truly do understand child development and do their best to honor that. And those teachers I feel are exceptional and they're doing extraordinary work within a system that rarely gives them the time, the space, or ratios to do it well. Most programs simply aren't set up for the kind of visualized responsive guidance that your toddler needs when you have one teacher for 10. All the way up to 15 three year olds, there just isn't room for that slow relational learning that both social and language development require. And this is not about blaming teachers, it's about recognizing the limitations of the system and why parents play such a powerful role in giving your toddler what large group care simply can't because toddlers don't learn social skills from peers. I am sorry. That's just the truth. They learn social skills from attuned parents, group settings, create crowd, crowd control, behavior management, like I said, and really pressure to conform. Kids don't really understand at this age, there's not a lot of true developmental growth because there's too many kids to supervise. Now most tellers don't thrive socially in large groups until closer to four, and yet they learn to comply, like I said, and learn how to act. But is it really part of their language system and their social maturity? And although you'll hear a lot of professionals across the board say, well, we have to teach them to share and that they need to learn this in groups. What I'm differentiating here is that a two and a 3-year-old has really huge difficulty learning that. In groups. It's simply not true. Sharing isn't taught at this age. It's grown into based on their language skills, based on their self-regulation and social maturity. Okay. Once they have those skills, language and understanding, and like I said, social maturity, they're ready to build that human skill and work on it, and it's developed over time, but at home, we can support this growth through your environment and redirection. So let's start with redirection, because I believe that that's the simplest and most effective tool you have for that one and two, and even 3-year-old. When conflict bruise, avoid lectures and begging. Oh, please, honey, come on. Share. Give it to Johnny. Or even the vague social scripts, like Be nice. Know your manners. They don't understand that language and even though they've said it, and they could even repeat it back to you, be nice, or, I'm sorry again, conceptually, they haven't fully understood that. Instead calmly redirect them. And I model this in my groups all the time. I've modeled it, in waiting areas at the park, at schools all the time. You just redirect them. Let's try this one instead. Or, that's Joey's. You can have this one and be really, really clear with what your expectation is. This one is yours. That's Joey's. Keep your tone neutral. Keep your body calm and use language consistently. This is Joey's. This is yours. This is mine. This is yours. Keep it really, really simple. Pair this simple language with gentle physical guidance, right? Redirect them, move their shoulders. without a lot of explanation or even, you know, oh, be nice honey. Say you're sorry, because all of that extra language on top of this requires them to process and they don't have that skill yet, especially if it's a little emotional or a little tense, right? They're gonna be able to process the limited language that they have in that situation. so you help them navigate this easily, pragmatically. So now let's take a look at how to set the stage before friends come over. And this is what I've taught to parents for decades. You have to help set the stage and prepare them. You can't just put them in a play situation that's not gonna be successful. Right. So the day before, not weeks in advance, but just the day before, ask your child, what toys do you wanna share with Joey? He's coming to play tomorrow. What sh what toys do you want to share? Right? And I strongly suggest that you offer preselected, neutral, easily accessible toys, you know, blocks. Maybe lots of animals or markers and papers and crayons, simple sets. And, but having him select or pre-select then really gives your toddler some ownership and he feels a little bit more secure. It's not like someone's going to completely invade my space and that truly lowers anxiety and helps increase his or her. Openness to cooperate and listen to directions, right? They are, the language skills are emerging, but it's not fully mastered yet. So, and here's a little, what I call an insider recommendation. Put away your child's most beloved items because you don't want to have to. Break his heart at the same time, you know, emotionally push his friend away. It's not easy to share those things that are truly important to him, like his favorite trucks or her favorite dolls. Put that away. You don't have to really sh state that out loud to him or her. Just do it casually because you have to go back to what's the purpose of this play date. You want your son or daughter to experience a positive, warm, felt, you know, time together, right? You don't want frustration or conflict or tears, right? You want positivity. You want them to walk away and feel good to be around peers and friends. And if you have duplicates as toys, right? That's why you sets of blocks or magnetic blocks, or if you have a whole bunch of animals. Those kinds of things use them because it always goes back to what I shared earlier, a parallel play. And so then that encourage, encourages imitation, right? They can both play without feeling pressure to take turns yet. Right, or, or that he's got something more special than me or vice versa, right? That we can play with the blocks side by side, or we can play with the animals side by side and look at each other and, and really imitate one another and feel empowered and independent all at the same time. And here's another insider tip. Limit your play dates to about an hour, and that means greetings. Let's play and exits and don't make them or expect them to play right away. Give them a few minutes to kind of feel comfortable and get in a new groove. Right? But kids under three really should have. Limited and structured play dates. Keep it short, keep it supported, and keep it supervised. So if your real goal. Is adult conversation, and I get this, you knew moms then bring a helper, a 10-year-old or a 12-year-old. That's what I used to do and that's what my daughter did when she was 10 and 12. She would do that for a number of families that we lived in the neighborhood with. But you can also just plan a separate visit without your child. You need that and you deserve that. But those are two separate events. Play dates are for learning how your child can be around others, and it's controlled. Think of it as controlled exposure, right? It's not. For your toddler to figure out complex social dynamics all on their own. Why, you know, parents are off sitting in the corner drinking coffee and talking about whatever. All of both of those events need to take place, but separately. I know this can sound firm and, and a little harsh maybe, but it comes from decades of seeing both toddlers and you as the parent walk away frustrated and stressed and really confused. Not because you've done anything wrong, but because expectations were unrealistic. Somebody told you that two year olds have to learn how to play together and they do it and they learn by doing it. Yeah, that's not true. They don't have the skills yet. So these moments, right, tug of wars and screaming mine, mine, or hitting or pushing or pulling, all of them aren't signs that something's wrong with your kids. They're invitations for you, mom, dad, grandparents, to lead differently, to parent differently, to be more intentional and say. Where are they developmentally and how can I help them and meet them where they are? So another powerful tool is actually. For you to model yourself sharing. So, and be explicit. And again, this is part of my training over the years with parents, helping them build this, this cooperation and the sharing. Let your toddlers see what sharing looks like, and so when you're gonna have a play date for him. You're gonna have, you and the other mom's gonna have a play date, right? In the sense that you can say, oh, I wanna show Joey's mom this new book, and I can't wait to share it with her. This is mama's new book and I can't wait to share it. Or you could say something like, I'm bringing my favorite tea when we visit Annie and her mom tomorrow. I can't wait to share my favorite tea with them. And you're just using this, whether you have a new book or have a favorite tee, that's not the point. You're play acting. You're using this as a model. Children learn through imitation and joyful giving. It makes that imprint on them. Again, they don't always understand at this age, and every child's a little bit different. What sharing actually means. Conceptually, they don't have a lot of rich language, but by you expressing this, you begin to help them realize, oh, this word share feels good. Mama's happy to share. Her book or her tea. You know, mama really likes these things and she's sharing that. That brings mama joy and you can play up your excitement and your anticipation for tomorrow's play date and that I can't tell you how much that helps and supports and alleviates stress and worry, and really helps children follow your lead. And don't underestimate preparation at the same time, like these examples I'm giving you, talk about the visits the day before. Like I said, not weeks in in advance, but maybe you have a calendar section and you can talk, oh look, tomorrow is our play date. We're going to Joey's, or Joey's coming here, and what will we bring? I'm gonna bring my tea. What will you bring? We can both pick something to share. So mention it at bedtime. Very casually. Mention it in the morning when they first get up. Help reorient what is our goal today, right? What's our biggest task? Make it part of your natural conversational flow. Oh, what's on our list to do today? And think about this, preparation is not overkill. It's scaffolding, right? Kids learn and build understanding through repetition, and then that understanding leads them to a sense of security. When kids aren't surprised, then transitions become smoother, and then that expands their confidence because they know what to expect. And everybody's eager to do this and excited and you know that it's gonna be structured and there's gonna be purpose and, and sometimes it just takes a couple of these played sessions, right? You can think of it that way, and then the kids really do figure it out. But I would still, in this young age, between two and three, still limit it. And have realistic expectations. Don't put your toddler into a situation they can't manage on their own. And I look at this as not being harsh. It's really being kind because I know you want your child to learn and to feel capable, not overwhelmed, and certainly not to feel ashamed of his or her behavior that they really haven't mastered yet. So. I know some of you might be thinking, okay, Aaron, but what do I do when my toddler does hit or does push? Do I just let him do that? Well, the short answer is you don't punish it, but you also don't ignore it. What toddlers need, and again, I'm talking about that one, two, and 3-year-old. What toddlers need in those moments isn't shame or lecture or big long explanations because they can't process that. There's emotion involved, right? And then there's misunderstanding. They don't know what they did wrong, literally. They need three things. This is how I look at it, and this is how I've kind of structured it over my decades of work, but they need what I call protection, right? Like I just laid out, set the stage, talk about it. Pre-select toys that you'll either bring or share if they're coming to your home model, what it feels like to share what you are looking forward to. That's kind of protecting the environment and protecting and setting up the stage, then they need your presence. Like I said, don't go off into the other room close proximity always. You can't let a two or even a 3-year-old navigate on his own and, and the concept, oh, they'll, you know, work it out. No. They won't I, oh, they'll work it out, but it'll end up in tears. And that's not our goal here. That's not what we want. We can avoid that. And then they also need your guidance. Like I said earlier, gentle redirection. Helping them shift their attention because a 2-year-old can be redirected fairly easily, but shift to something that they can then manage on their own. They're not going to share one item, so think of it as protecting and setting the stage, presence and guidance. This is how we keep everybody secure and comfortable without expecting emotional skills that you're delightful. Toddler has yet. To develop. Right? So keep that in mind because this episode isn't meant to walk through a step by step strategy of how do you then deal with, with unkind behavior, right? It's not the child, it's the behavior. Today, I really want to wa uh, to focus on understanding the why. Why does this happen? You know, we just are so. Used to calling it terrible twos, and it really, to me, it's not terrible twos, they're just being two. And so I, I want you to really walk away understanding that it's not a sign of bad behavior or even bad parenting, and I promise in a future episode I'll dedicate, some time to really cover what you can do. So, and while you remain calm and, and really build an effective understanding, right? But that requires his or her language growth and his or her ability to self-regulate just a little bit more, and then building that trust. Oh, when I go on a play date, it's structured enough. There's boundaries in this that I'm gonna walk away feeling pretty good. That I'm gonna share space and time and you know, enough toys with my friend and we're gonna walk away and feel good about ourselves. That's what I want you to walk away today on this episode. So for now, just take a breath and it's a process, right? Your toddler isn't giving you a hard time when they act this way. They're having a hard time. And I think once we look at it that way, and you are the steady one that they're looking to, to regulate and be successful in these new situations. So for a moment, because this has got two sides of the same coin, I want to take a look at something that can give you more hope. Right? And that's the stage of learning, turn taking, turn, taking in my experience has always been the bridge into sharing. It's not about learning how to be generous, right? It's really about building enough trust and comfort and language understanding, right? They have to be able to understand the situation of what turn taking means versus sharing, right? And, and what I always have shared with parents is, no pun intended, is that sharing is actually giving something up. So that's a bigger skill. When I share my book with my friend, I give it up to her, right? If I share my tea with my friend, she takes it. But turn taking is different. So before your toddler can learn, share. He or she needs to learn several other things, and I've said this before, but let's just delineate them, understanding directions, right? And so if we're gonna help them with turn taking, they have to be able to follow some directions, then they also have to be able to wait a few seconds. Not minutes, but a couple of seconds for his turn. Her turn my turn. Your turn. Right. So there are seconds involved. Waiting is a huge developmental growth and then they have to trust that their turn will come back. Right. So that's important. That mama has a turn and Joey has a turn and Annie has a turn and I have a turn. And then during this process, they have to stay regulated long enough, right? Not to have meltdowns and emotional breakdowns, but they have to stay regulated long enough to experience great success, you know, to, and sometimes in the beginning it's just we all take one turn. Maybe we all take a second turn, then we're done. Right? And you want to set it up positively? And they need, and I always go back to this, but they need enough language to follow the game. And it's not like they have to understand the meaning behind the game or winning or even losing.'cause in these early days from, you know, two and a half to three to three and a half to four is really just teaching turn taking and waiting and working together. F on one task, right? So you can, like I said, you can begin around. Usually I begin two and a half to three, depending on the child, but in very small increments. And here's a couple of examples. You know. Rolling the ball back and forth. And if you have an older child or dad and mom, oh, I roll to dad, dad rolls to Joey, Joey rolls to mom. You take a turn. I take a turn. Or even, you know, building blocks, right? I put one block on you put one block on, and they're beginning to walk through with a feeling of being okay. Right? Sharing one. Toy or one event and we're all taking turns. So you can even use it with a book and, and I know a lot of parents do do this. But it's, it's a nice natural way to kind of just weave it in. Oh, I'm gonna turn the page. Let's take a look. Let's talk about what we see, or maybe read a few words on the page. Now you turn the page and maybe then you talk about what you see on the page, and you pretend to read what you see on the page, these black squiggly lines. But, but books are really nice because. Hopefully they're a part of your day-to-day routine and you can easily build in turn taking. And a classic is, of course, at these early stages is, you know, blowing bubbles. Right? Now here's an insider tip. I just taught this to a set of grandparents the other day. I always hold the container, especially if you're inside, but even if you're outside,'cause it gets just messy and wasteful. But you hold the bubble I hold, right? You pop. And we both take turns blowing. So I say to the child, you are the popper and I'm the holder. We both can take turns blowing. It's simple, it's repetitive, it is exciting. There's movement involved it's really about. taking a couple of seconds for each turn, and they feel successful. They feel empowered, they feel connected. And when they feel that way, then they're, they're learning in real time. Right. And I don't want parents to like over celebrate. I really want it to be natural. Right. Oh, you blew, I blew You. Turned the page. I turned the page. And, and you can say things like, oh, you waited nicely. Now look, it's come back to you. And sometimes in these early, early games, and it could be really, really simple, but helping them with what the sequence is. Mama took a turn. Daddy took a turn. Who's next? And you lead, you know, point to them who's next, right? So they understand the flow, And, and make it natural. Make it. Like everybody learns this and it's a wonderful process waiting, taking turns, And you can point it out in day-to-day life too, like waiting at the stop sign or waiting in the grocery store or holding the door for someone. All of those are great opportunities in natural life. So this is not about perfection, it's always about the process. And so I really want you to walk away today after listening or watching, depending on, you know, your platform. But this is not a moral issue. And it's not about teaching kindness to a 2-year-old. and it certainly isn't about, forcing social skills that they can't yet understand. And I truly believe language is really embedded in all of this. This is natural development period. I believe in my heart of heart that all children have the capacity To grow into kindness and generosity, but at this age, egocentrism isn't selfishness. It's the brain conserving energy for all of that massive amounts of learning that we talked about a few minutes ago. Right? It, it has to be self-driven and that, and, and it is temporary in these first few years, neuroscience. Has taught us that children begin as a blank slate in those first several months. And then under your leadership, your guidance, yes, they have different temperaments and proclivities and, and all of that, and I respect that, but social skills are formed through everyday moments. S everyday modeling and everyday connections, like I said, you know, holding the door for someone or waiting at the stoplight and, and pointing out, oh, I have to wait until it's my turn to turn left. And I remember talking about this all, all the time with my daughter. She would constantly ask from the backseat, why are you doing this? What are you doing this for? And I would always be explaining. And when you align your expectations with healthy natural development, then your parenting, your leadership and guidance becomes much more calm and directed and really deeply more effective, I believe, and I've seen this over and over again. So as you move through these moments. The my, my mind shouts or the grabbing or snatching and even the tug of war, tug of war over one truck, or hoarding of many trucks I've seen that recently. Remember this, you are not correcting character at two or even at three. You're guiding his or her development. And this episode is about the why, the foundations, the conditions that make healthy skills possible. And like I said, we will talk about specific what to do in the moments in a later episode because I think that does deserve a space all of its own for now. Mom, dad, grandparents, your job is to set the stage. Right. Think of the precursors. Stay close to them and guide them. Don't go into it wanting to fix or force or even feel shamed or put our shame on them. And sometimes it's just our own ignorance, like, oh my gosh, I had no idea. And it's not, you just simply don't know what you don't know. The more you lean into what's real for this age. The more your toddler will feel understood, secure, and then ready to bloom like that tulip, right, ready to grow into his or her natural, beautiful essence. That's the heart of this whole season of these first three years leading with confidence because you understand what's actually happening inside that little brain and that little body you. Understand. Oh, this is a process. He's, he's under construction. He's working at this. So if this episode stirred something in you and you're thinking, Hmm, I wanna do this differently, I wanna know more. I don't want to get lost in all the trends or waste time. I want to understand my child. I want to understand and trust God's design. And then lead my family with confidence. Then I want to invite you to join our free private Inside Talking Toddlers community. It's space where moms and dads and grandparents who believe prevention matters, who want to stay grounded in developmental truth and who want to raise their little ones with intention, not confusion. There's too much noise out there. Because you are the hero in your child's story. I'm simply here just to guide, encourage you and help cut through a lot of that noise outside. So inside you'll also receive my top five daily habits that help toddlers learn to talk. It's all about talking right as a welcome gift and you will be the first to hear what's coming in early December. I know you don't wanna miss it, so there's a link down below. You join my email list and then you're inside talking toddlers. Until next time, stay present, stay purposeful, and stay playful because the little years are the big years. God bless.