Why Your Toddler Does That: The Real Learning Behind Climbing, Dumping & Exploring Ep 129

If your toddler is constantly climbing, dumping, crawling, pulling things out of cabinets, or wandering from one “project” to another… this episode will make everything click.

Between 12 and 18 months, the brain is wiring the foundations for attention, curiosity, emotional regulation, and — yes — first words. And it all happens through play.
Not apps.
Not fancy toys.
Not early lessons.
Movement. Repetition. Real-life exploration.

In this episode, Erin Hyer, SLP and toddler specialist for 35+ years, breaks down:

• Why play is the real work
• How modern life gets in the way
• The four “play jobs” toddlers must practice
• What progress vs plateau vs regression really looks like
• How LESS toys = MORE brain development
• The simple daily rhythm that builds confidence, attention, and communication

You’ll walk away knowing exactly what your toddler needs — and why you’re already doing more good than you realize.

Something special is coming in early December… stay tuned.

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Disclaimer: 

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your pediatrician or a qualified health provider with questions about your child’s development or health. The views shared are based on Erin Hyer’s professional experience and are intended to support informed parenting, not to replace individual consultation or care. Every child and family is unique — please use your discretion and consult trusted professionals when making decisions for your child.

📩 Questions: contact@HyerLearning.com
 🌐 www.HyerLearning.com

Transcript

Erin: 0:01

Have you ever wondered why your toddler pulls everything off the cabinets, yet walks right past the toy that you spent good money on, and maybe you've even thought, should we be doing something more productive? Here's the truth. Those messy little moments are the productive work. This is the age when movement wires the brain for thinking focus and first words. And the simpler your world is, the more their brain comes alive. When you understand what's happening underneath all of that chaos, everything shifts, and you stop questioning whether you're doing enough. Today, I'll show you why play isn't extra. It's essential. Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. If you are listening today, you probably already sense that your toddler learns through doing not by sitting still, not by being entertained, but by moving their whole little body throughout their day in their world. And yet our modern culture, it's easy to second guess that instinct. You are surrounded by more toys, more early learning gadgets, more noise and distraction than any other generation before us, and none of it replaces what your toddler's brain is hungry for, simple movement, real objects, and you. Between that 12th and 18th month, the brain is exploding with growth and the seeds for attention, curiosity and early language are planted through the most ordinary moments of the day. So let's take a look at what's happening inside that busy little brain and why less truly is more, and how to turn everyday play into powerful learning. And let's keep in mind, we're not thinking of adding one more thing to your already full life. If you are new here, welcome. I'm Erin Hier, a speech language pathologist and a toddler specialist for over 35 years. And my passion is helping parents understand the beautiful way that children were designed to grow. And learn and connect. can stop second guessing yourself and start leading with confidence. You are the most important person in your child's development, and my role is simply to guide you with more clarity, a little bit of science, and a whole lot of real life experience. And here's a quick reminder, If you're listening on Apple or Spotify, please consider sharing a five star rating or a short written review as it truly helps me spread this message and reach more parents just like you, looking for more clarity during these early years, and it does matter much more to me than you'll ever know. So now let's begin with a little mindset shift that I think changes everything. Play isn't a break from learning. Play is learning. Every time your child crawls, rolls, climbs, stacks, dumps, or pulls open that same drawer again and again. The brain is wiring new pathways and strengthening emerging ones. This is their real work movement builds their attention. Attention sparks curiosity and curiosity leads language. That sequence is nature's curriculum. I believe it's God designed in the most beautiful form. When your toddler is just playing, their brain is actually organizing their body and space, practicing balance, reading your face and your voice, and trying to bridge those two learning cause and effect. Building persistence through frustration and failure, and discovering what mastery feels like. So when you think, ah, she's obsessed with pulling things out of the cabinet. Take that as a compliment because the repetition is how her brain builds structure. When adults, when you and I go to quote unquote work, we build skills through repetition too. Think of all the skills we have to master as we move into the outside world. Handwriting, typing, cutting hair or building houses, sewing clothes, cooking, playing a guitar, driving. In order to reach mastery, we have to practice in the beginning small steps. And then we build upon those and we repeat and repeat. And that's what works into mastery and flow and automaticity for your toddler movement and play. Are their workplace. And we think it's cute sometimes and frustrating other times, but it's what drives them. So let's stop treating play as the reward after learning because it is the way in which learning happens. So now that we understand how play is really your child's work work, right, we need to acknowledge what's interrupting that work, what's getting in his or her way. We live in a culture that keeps kids busy but not actually in motion, not actually learning through the physical activity. Think of it screens. Car seats, strollers, bouncers, structured lessons, all of those things have replaced the long wandering hours of crawling and exploring, climbing, falling, getting up, doing it again. Those movement patterns, those processes are used to build strong and organized brains. Literally, and I can't stress this enough, that every time they try something on their own power. They're making neuro connections. And so now let's think what school settings look like, because the hard part is that should movement and activity should matter there as well. But if we're honest, we all know that at shrinking fast, according to a recent N-I-N-I-H rapport, I think it was back in 2023, only 56% of American schools offer more than 20 minutes of recess a day. a vast majority have actually cut out recess completely. So I do believe in my heart that most teachers are really trying their best, but movement and activity has become an optional choice because the system can't fit it in. And it's, it's not because the teachers wouldn't like movement themselves, but because we have so much on the list to do, there are too many kids, too many individual challenges of those kids. And teachers really are trained and taught to teach to the general mass and focus on classroom management, not individual readiness. And they really know very little about human development. They might understand some curriculum around. Math or science or history or art, but they don't really understand human biology. And unfortunately I think it's become an impossible situation for the school setting, any school setting, whether it's public or private or Christian or secular or or anything in between. And this is one of the primary reasons I am sharing with all parents. I meet, protect these early years at home as long as you can. Because when we really look at how the world has moved and evolved and enhanced family. Not institutions is where healthy human development begins and thrives. So let's take a peek at some of the science, but we will look at it more or less in simple terms because I don't want to get lost in those weeds. Movement really builds attention, and we're always looking for our kids to attend, to engage, to complete a task, right? But movement builds that attention. It also builds that cognition, and we'll talk a little bit more about that later on. And cognition isn't intelligence like iq. It really is, how do I understand this environment and how I fit into it, and how do I understand to engage and navigate it? And then movement really builds speech, speech and language processing the physical part, but also how we code our understanding through verbal communication. And we do all of this, this attention and cognition and speech by increasing the sensory input. And sensory input are those physical movements, big and small muscle movements. And we're organizing it. And every time that they physically move and do something that's pumping oxygen, rich blood to the brain and that's feeding the brain. Energy to make those neural connections and those neural connections then wire up and build those neural pathways, and so that that physical task that they're trying to master or the, or the cognitive task, like, how do I, how do I, you know, zip up my coat or how do I brush my teeth? Those kinds of things are married through building that, that neural pathway and making it smoother and smoother and smoother. That's what efficiency is. And it really boils down to, I believe the less complicated you make your toddler's world, the more their brain comes alive. And when you understand what's happening underneath all the chaos, because you know, babies and toddlers and preschoolers, they're active, they're busy. But how can we create an environment that's that really facilitates and is conducive to learning? once we begin to understand what's going on inside their brain, inside their body, and how their body and brain communicate with one, with one another, everything begins to shift. And you stop questioning whether you're doing it right or doing enough, and then you start looking at. Every push or pull or crawl or climb that he or she is engaged in strengthens those neural highways between the hemispheres. Right, the right hemisphere and the left hemisphere, and that's the same network that we use and need and rely on later on for higher order. Things like reading and writing, emotional regulation, problem solving, those academic higher order thinking skills as well as social skills. So the activities that involved motor planning, you know, like dancing or climbing up a staircase or building a tower or one of my favorite simple obstacle courses, right? Those are training that frontal lobe, those skills that we, your toddler needs that are, it's just coming online, that frontal lobe trying to wire, How do I initiate or start something? How do I stop something? Or inhibit myself, If I'm starting to climb up this chair and it's feeling unstable, how do I stop and back out and reorganize, right? That's all that frontal lobe stuff. And yes, toddlers and preschoolers, they're pretty fearless because that frontal lobe isn't wired up right? But then they, through all of these trials and errors, then they begin to know how to adapt. And at the same time, they're building that left hemisphere language processing and they're beginning to follow your directions. And when we map these two things together, that's when their world really begins to open up and independence and cooperation begin to shine. So let me give you a quick little example. This happened recently in one of my parenting group classes that I lead here in Florida. I demonstrated all of this simple kind of motor planning in real time. So there were a bunch of parents watching and one set of parents, and, and I had, their 22 month old daughter. And I, I got the impression that they were feeling a little uncomfortable, but I encouraged her as I stabilized the high chair with my foot and I'm standing stabilizing the high chair with my foot. I invited her up, I'm like, climb up, you know, do it yourself. And she was pretty capable, but mom and dad were like, I don't know about that. But at one point she kind of got stuck. And I tapped her knee to just give her a, a tactile cue to, pick up your, this leg and put it over the post in the middle, the center post. And then she, comfortably got in the seat and I put the, the tray on. But the whole idea was to let her do it. And once she sat there, she was very proud. She was definitely hungry and wanted to eat with us. But, but the idea was, let her do it. If you have a stable, reliable highchair, which I all encourage that that's, a really good investment. But the whole idea was let her get into it and then let her get out of it. Because every time we let her get in the car seat or in the high chair or up on the sofa or in the bed, then she has an opportunity to move those muscles, talk through her brain processing and thinking and enhance her learning. Then later on in our class, I had, I felt the need to demonstrate with a mom who wasn't very comfortable letting her little girl just crawl on the floor, but we set it up where it's very child friendly. But I got down on the floor and I wanted to show mom what really happens. And I encourage mom, mom got on the floor with me and I wanted to demonstrate in real time what's going on cognitively and visually as well as the motor planning for crawling. And her daughter was a pretty good crawler, but she was still pretty apprehensive and very, very clingy to mom. and I think there, there was a correlation, but I wanted to show her how babies need to think through their space even without language. They do it visually and rhetorically with a lot of trial and error. And so I demonstrated how I crawled up to this big throw pillow. And I stopped and I looked at the little girl and I looked at mom and I said, Hmm, there's a pillow in my way. What do I do? What do I do? So I'm thinking out loud with language, what a little, little child is going to do when they crawl up to a big throw pillow or to a coffee table, and she, you know, she's gonna think, do I go around it? Can I go around it? How do I go around it? Do I go over it? Is it too big? Is it, is it hard? Is it soft? Or do I just sit back and start whining? Right? Those are her options. She has to, to figure out and navigate this and problem solve in real time. But by me getting on the floor and demonstrating with mom on the child's level, mom saw the light bulb, right? Because it's, it's really what the baby has to face on the floor on all fours her. Perception of the world. Perspective of the world is much different than ours. When we're standing up, looking down five feet and say, let me clear out the space and make sure you don't have any struggle. We want struggle because then they're gonna stretch their skills. But once the mom, I mean, I think she was happily stunned to, to see, oh my gosh, this is work, this is effort. I thought she was just, you know, crawling around for fun. But when I helped mom c literally,'cause she was on the floor with me visually and rhetorically and cognitively without words, but they figure it out just by letting her little one explore and navigate these obstacle course. A pillow. It could be a person's feet, right. They could be crawling up to the. To the couch or to the sofa, and somebody's feet are in the way, right? The coffee table, a box, whatever, and realizing, wow, this, this is a project, right? Parents are often uncomfortable, and I get it. Just letting their babies go. And so you have to have a balance between safety and protection and supervision and space to allow them to face these challenges, And if they really, really get stuck, then we're there to help and cue them, right? With a little tap. Like, you can tap on the floor and say, Hey, come around here, go around the pillow. Or look, the pillow is soft. You can climb up that, pull yourself up, and kids are very, very eager. This little child was a little bit overprotected, and so I wanted to open up the possibilities for mom, and she saw it, and it was really a wonderful opportunity for other parents to observe and mom to literally be on the floor and experience it herself, because keep in mind, by doing everything for them, that interrupts the learning process, that that removes the opportunity to learn in real time. Picking them up and plopping them in the high chair is faster, is safer, is easier, but ask yourself, what is she learning? What is she getting? What is she honing? Right? The processing. And it really is not just the physical part of climbing up in the high chair or crawling around the pillow, it's the wiring of the brain. Clearing the floor so she can move freely and safely is nice. And it sounds like, oh, I'm being a responsible mom, but it doesn't give that opportunity, like I said. And so just think through that and, you can do this at the park. You can do this at a friend's house. You can do this in your backyard. Of course, you're always going to be looking around what's safe, what's not safe, and put yourself in the middle of them or in arm's reach. But these micro problems is really what is wiring a baby, a toddler, a preschool, elementary school, all the way up, right? That frontal lobe just starts percolating at that, those first three years and five years, and it doesn't come to full mastery or full, development, until, well in their, our twenties. What researchers really strongly, consistently suggesting is that the males don't come fully online until 29, 30 years of age. And young women are 24, 25 years of age. But it starts in infancy and toddlerhood, So when you pair all of this freedom to try motor planning with some verbal language like I did with that young girl in the high chair, up, up right here. Hold on here, hold on. Or if you're playing ball, you know, push the ball, push there's, there's a verb, there's the noun. I often play with balloons, Like volleyball, right? With balloons and toddlers, it's safe. It doesn't break anything. But you tap my turn, your turn, my turn your turn. Hit tap, right? lift the leg or, Hey, crawl here, move over here. you're giving them the verbs. you can verbally cue them and you can tap them, but don't do it for them, And so it's that movement and language together. And now they're processing because then as their language grows, then they can literally think with language, That's how memory and comprehension and language is built. But the brain isn't built by sitting still. And so I do think a big piece to, to more and more kids slow to talk is that we have more and more kids slow to move, So brains are built by doing, not by sitting. Because our modern world has, has become easier than I think our children are struggling more. I think that's a piece to the puzzle. There are many, many pieces to the puzzle and, and I try to talk about all of them here, but this is movement is a big one. and so on that note, I just wanna always talk about something that has been trending the last couple years that crawling in and of itself has gotten shifted in, in the medical community. and I've shared this before, but I'm, it's so important, I'm going to keep on sharing it, that just a few years ago, I think it was in 20 21, 20 22, the CDC along with a a P, which is the American Academy of Pediatrics, came out with a new guidelines and they reported that crawling didn. Matter anymore. and their theory was because many, many kids end up walking just fine without ever crawling. And then when we developmental specialists pushed back and said, wait a second, this is a huge milestone that should not be erased. They argued and they came back and said, well, we can't really lock in an exact age when all babies or 75% of babies, that's their criteria crawl. We can't lock in that age there, there's too much wiggle room. Plus there's so many different types of crawling, we can't really lock that in. And so it's, it doesn't fit on our chart very easily is the bottom line. But interestingly, this board, the CDC. And a a p never asked any of us occupational therapists, speech language therapist, They are made up of medical doctors, psychologists and researchers, not developmental specialists. They never really get on the floor. Maybe they have a kid or two themselves, but we're the ones day in and day out all day every day that really see, yes, the nuances and the variances. But if you ask any one of us ot, pt speech, we'll tell you the truth, that crawling isn't about walking. I mean, there were hundreds and hundreds of years where crawling wasn't necessarily allowed or encouraged because the houses were made of dirt floors. So there was some movement on all fours, of course, but until the inside houses actually had wooden floors, we protected our kids in a different form. But as it stands today, crawling isn't about walking, it's about wiring. And that's what I'm covering here in this message today that we're wiring our brain through play. And play is movement. So when you think about what happens to our bodies when we crawl, we have this cross lateral pattern going on, which means my right arm and my left leg or knee are working together, and then my left arm and my right knee are working together and we're alternating this pattern. And then we're working our upper limbs and our lower limbs and moving our whole body. And that's why it's a huge visual. Integration and visual processing because we're looking at the world differently now, now that we're on all fours and our heads are up and we can see and scan differently, yes, it's on the floor, but it's better than just laying on my back all the time or just sitting here looking around. Right. And that movement, that alternating right and left and upper and lower limbs really process the brain and build sequencing and timing. The brain is a timing machine. And yes, when we look at a bunch of crawlers, you know, you could get a hundred babies in here and they're all gonna look different. in my small group that I run here, we have, a half a dozen or more, 5, 6, 7 month olds, and they all look different. Of course they do, but I'm always encouraging. Floor time, right. Crawling and rolling and getting messy. And it is confusing'cause kids don't look the same. and yes, we as the adults will, get a good chuckle and laugh at them. and we're always nudging them or encouraging them to stand up on their legs, but their feet really aren't ready to do that yet. I, I just, continually have to remind everyone how important all of these pieces are. That play is movement and movement and play wire the brain, right? And that is work for them. And so when we're looking at hemisphere right and left hemisphere there, there are fibers in the middle called Corpus Cossum that connect our right hemisphere in our left hemisphere. And these fibers start to really. populate and develop in gestation, right? They're there, I think somewhere between the fifth and the 16th week in gestation. And then if you look at what the science says, most of the basic structure is formed really by the end of the first trimester. So the two hemispheres are loosely but specifically connected, but development and strength continues throughout childhood, and it continues by the workload that we give it. So those fibers on the corpus cossum between the right and the left hemisphere continue to strengthen and become more and more efficient through age 12. And then through neuroscience we've realized that a, a 12-year-old give or take, the corp corpus cossum looks and functions very similar to a full fledge adult. And so it's really important that we respect and honor what this, this corpus cossum, which is truly the neural bridge because we know that if we have a strong, purposeful right hemisphere and a strong purposeful left hemisphere, and they're able to work together because. there's a myth, and I've tried to poo poo this myth for, you know, 35 years that we only use 10% of our brain. Absolutely not true. We use all of our brain all of the time, and we have different strengths and, functionalities of it, but it's always working. depending on the task of what you're doing, whether you're learning how to crawl or learning how to play the piano or cooking or sleeping, your brain is still working. It just has different, different processes, right? But, that center neural bridge builds attention. And coordination. And then that leads into higher order language skills, which also have some motor elements like writing and reading. And then those social elements, social skills that we have to master and require our right hemisphere and our left hemisphere, right hemisphere are the nonverbal elements to social engagement, pitch and tone, including sarcasm, and questioning and all of that as well as the language and the vocabulary and the timing of all of that, and the self-regulation. So all of those things are built in those first 12 years. I mean, think about the social skills of a 6-year-old. Versus a 12-year-old, right? So he has really developed some decent social skills with a 12-year-old, but he's still 12.'cause then you compare that to an 18-year-old and you think, oh wow, okay, well he's really matured. And then, you know, 18 is pretty decent socially, makes mistakes here and there, but then compare that to a 30-year-old. And so those social skills are continuing to hopefully develop and get finer and finer and more and more refined over time. Right. And again, some people have better social skills than other kids and their different strengths and weaknesses. But we're looking at how do we build this over a couple of decades, right? And that's all through real life experiences. and the honesty is, I remember learning all about the right and the left hemisphere in this corpus cossum and how it builds attention and then higher order things. We knew at that time in the 1980s that the vast majority of kids who struggled with literacy, right? Reading and writing issues, but those were the kids that really had difficulty in those early years and pretty much jumped over and skipped crawling. We knew that there was a correlation, a one-to-one. No, but we knew that if you had these, these motor planning issues early on, then you are often found in a different risk group for those literacy skills. And we knew that, and that's what really intrigued me and made me fall in love with the whole field of speech language pathology. And really looking at how the brain develops in life, well beyond in utero, of course, but how children learn to learn and how we build these skills over time through real life experiences. so I think this is really, really important. And I am, I'm sharing this in different forms and fashions and I really unpacked what I believed to be fairly ridiculous of what the CDC modification was. the vast majority, like I said, if you ask any on the floor developmental specialist, ot, especially in PT and us speech people, but I, dove deep into this beck in episode, I think it was 1 0 4 and it was called crawling got cut. But it's still critical. I'm gonna keep educating and reaching out to parents and grandparents and those in the professional field because we should not minimize this. And yes, lots of kids skip crawling and learn to walk and, become decent readers. That's true. but the vast majority of'em still struggle. and I can honestly say that, they're at least placed in a different risk group and there are many variables. So, it's hard to tease this all apart, but if we want to set up the best that we can give them, then get on the floor play, encourage them to move. just keep that in mind as you watch your little ones move about their day and encourage them to not skip these, not rush through them and get on the floor and play with them. Okay. So now let's make this a little bit more practical. And yes, I'll sprinkle some science in there because we do now know through developmental neuroscience and occupational therapy research, that movement fuels brain development. And so when you're a little one. Does all of these movement patterns, crawling and climbing and balancing, reaching, right? Carrying stuff and exploring, getting into things that you don't necessarily want them to get in, but they're increasing that blood flow and oxygen to that brain, which we know with more blood flow and more oxygen, that boosts their alertness and it boosts their ability to focus. And that's true for us too, right? And if we're sitting at the computer and working, and two hours or three hours go by and if we just get up and do really, there's some research suggesting we do 20 air squats or walk around the block or bounce on a little trampoline for five minutes, all of that will boost Our alertness and our focus because oxygen and blood is being pumped back into our brain. And so movement really is medicine, right? And we see this clearly when we look at preschool research because things are shifting there that if we give preschoolers just a few minutes of movement, that their attention gets back on track and their ability to learn and process gets back in alignment. But the problem is that those systems don't just start online. When you send them to school at three or four or six or eight, they're building from the get go, That corpus Cossum starts in utero, of course, but it's just, they're just like hanging on there. And that strengthened. That first year of life as, as they begin to move their bodies in space and roll over and then crawl, and then at 12 months when they're walking and at 18 months when they're really starting to climb and run. But that motor planning, all of that stuff that these little kids do, Besides crawling, learning how to scoop, learning how pour a cup, climb stairs or stacking blocks, all of those that is strengthening everything, we know. how that builds into the more academic kinds of things, cognitive skills and language and reading and writing. And so when we continue to pair that with talking with them and showing them and imitating them, then it is just this whole plethora of this beautiful network. And that's what I'm always sharing here, that it's nearly impossible to just look at, oh, is your baby rolling over? Is he crawling? Oh, does your baby have, you know, coups and babbles? Oh, is your baby eating? All of these things are together and we can't compartmentalize them. we have to look at them as this beautiful system actually systems upon systems within a system. And so there's this quote from a developmental neuroscientists and I, for the life of me, I can't remember. Who said it, but I, I used to have a sign in my waiting room that children are not miniature adults. Their brains develop best through movement throughout their day. And so we have to realize that they're under construction, that it's our world that we create for them and with them that helps nurture that. So if you're ever wondering whether your kid pulling cups out of the cabinet or crawling in the laundry basket and outta the laundry basket, and on the couch and off the couch or marching, with a makeshift drum in the living room, if any of that really matters, all of it does. All of it does. it shouldn't be encouraged to be mayhem, right? And helter skelter, but. If you're providing an environment, and we'll tap into this a little bit about play environments and what's best, to support this, but all of those tiny, messy moments, jumping on the sofa even that's building that architecture that's helping in every way. Even sitting still in the high chair, especially if you let them climb up the high chair, struggle a little bit, that's a little effort. Ha. Then they sit in the high chair and they're ready to do fine motor kinds of things to eat and chew and swallow and talk and engage. Again, all of it is interrelated, so. Let's ask ourselves, how can we kind of take this science and translate it into everyday life? You're not going to go around thinking about the corpus cossum all the time. You're gonna say, let, let me watch my toddler hair and, and what kind of motor skills are they doing? Right? So I just wanna touch four very, very common play jobs, Or work that they're doing. So the first one that we've already kind of tapped into. Are containers and dumping. I always look at that. You can look at any 10, 12, 14 month old, and that's what they do over and over again because this is really kind of their first job to fill up a box and then empty it or fill up a basket and empty it or shake stuff and empty it. they're really trying to figure out how parts fit together in a very basic level and how my little hands can control that, And so yeah, it's, it's messy and yeah, it's highly repetitive and we're thinking, oh God, there he goes again, but. I want you to think that's what his little brain, whether he's 10 months or 12 months, that's what's strengthening those neural pathways. He's working his right side of the body, his left side of the body, his visual processing. So every scoop, dumping, shaking, fine, motor hand-eye coordination, figuring out size and contrast. and you know, what's bigger, what's smaller, what's heavier, what's lighter, all of that. And, and then you as their caretaker can naturally build language around that simply right in normal adult kind of talking, oh, in the box, out of the box, open, close, shake, shake, shake, dump. All of those are action words, right? and they're putting it together with their movement and they're beginning to understand they're coding that. then the second. A job is really kind of stacking things and knocking them over. And now they're looking at sequencing, they're looking at, balance. They're looking at timing. can I put this block on top? They're also building their patience through frustration, right. If something doesn't fit. But I do find it often incredibly, charming when you see a two or a 3-year-old stacking blocks and they do it so casually and, their blocks line up and somehow they balance, and that's because they're fearless. They don't really have a long-term memory to know, or they're not really worried about, oh, is it lined up? They're just doing it right, but, but they are beginning to understand what cause and effect looks like and what balance and what works and what doesn't work. And then you, you know, say, yay, you did it. Wow. Three blocks or five blocks, or, wow, that's a huge balance job. That's awesome. It's like, wow, let's admire this for a second. Okay, now knock it over. So there's a lot of little. Nuanced, language opportunities to kind of weave in there. And that a lot of it will come naturally to you. And then the third job that a toddler has is steps and stairs. I talk a lot about this because it's very similar to the crawling where there's so much wiring going on. Yes. Crawling. We want them to move across the floor. Floor and building independence. And yes, we know that that will strengthen their ability to stand up and walk and, and all of that. But we also know, now we know about the wiring, but that's true when they're learning the stairs to the alternating. Right. And so you can think of stairs as. A toddler's gym. That it's, it's like a balance beam and a gym and a little brain lab all mixed together and it really boosts their independence kids, and I've shared before in the past because it, it brings back such fond memories of watching my daughter master, you know, two steps. and that she would do that for 45 minutes or our neighbors who had three steps right outside their, their house. And it was amazing to watch her cognitive skills. really wrap around her motor skills, So climbing integrates both sides of the brain, strengthens your core stability and supports self-regulation because you're working muscles kind of big, right? that little body pulling themselves up from step to step to step. And so when you have a child who has good motor control, managing the stairs, crawling, walking, running, skipping, riding a bike, all of those motor planning things really does build self-control and patience and self-regulation and social skills and all of that, we know that, that the kids who have a lot of low muscle tone or they're very tense to those kids, It, you know, you can hold onto them and you think, wow, they're really strong. Those are tense muscles that's not necessarily healthy or helpful. And so you can have low to, or you can have tense tone. And those kids are the ones that have difficulty or tend to have more difficulty with transitions and meltdowns. if things change in your schedule or if they don't get the right lunch, it's really hard for them to build that flexibility cognitively because they're working so hard in their bodies to manage their day. Low tone or, or tenseness. And then the fourth, you know, job that a toddler will have is. What I refer to as kind of helper jobs. Again, they love belonging, they love being with us, and it really builds their confidence. And I think this is where a lot of our social development and physical development meet personal dignity, right? There's nothing like seeing a two or a 3-year-old help set the table or take out the garbage even, or sweep the floor or, dust the cobwebs off. All of that just brings such pride and ownership, right? Toddlers want to belong to the family. They wanna help, they wanna feel like they're capable, right? That autonomy. And so it's our responsibility to invite them in, Hey honey, put the shoes on the tray. You put my shoes on the tray. Thanks. Can you put your shoes on the tray? Hey honey. How about where does the towel go in the basket, right? Wipe off the table. I'll take the dirty plates. You wipe off the table. Help me. Thank you. Pushing the chairs, all of that. A two, three, 4-year-old, and then at a preschool age, then they can do it independently, look at them as not chores, That they're really building their their ownership, their identity. Right. I've loved watching a toddler, two, three, 4-year-old really take ownership there. And, and we used to do it in, in my therapy room. They, they would help me set up, we would play, we would have fun, we would learn, we would build our skills, and then we would clean up and be done. but he was part of it. it wasn't being done to him. Right. And I really think that if we're honest that when children are allowed to participate, you do see fewer meltdowns and much more cooperation and kindness because they do feel like then they're contributing. They're, they are worthy. Right, and that they're being included. and so where it stands today, you can just simply watch your toddler. What are they trying to master? Is it stairs? Is it crawling? Is it a scooter or a bike? Is it crawling up? Climbing up on the high chair? Is it eating with a fork? All of those figure out what are they trying to master and then give them permission, some extra time and space. Permission to be messy too, to stumble and fall and get frustrated. But if we give them a little wiggle room, then they will blossom, right? So let's think of that consistency in anything in our toddlers, but also with us, right? Think of losing weight or building muscle, or creating better sleep habits. Consistency will build competence, and it's that competence then builds confidence, right? We don't wake up confidently knowing that I'm going to, be a bike rider today, right? But we practice through consistency, builds some skill, some competence in it, and then hone that and then we're more confident in doing that. So clear space, join them. don't be intimidated to get on the floor with them. and I've said this my whole career, and try to model it all the time. That it's really pivotal that we join them. That yes, we, put'em up in the high chair. And sometimes it's nice to sit in a real adult chair, but for the most part in these couple years, spend time there on the floor with them as well, right? Follow their lead and make it purposeful where there's a beginning and a middle and an end. And show them how we clean up and put things back. Narrate what you do. Smile. and they'll like, ah, okay, I got this. Right? But that's what play is. it's everyday moments. And then. Allowing them to explore a little bit on their own right. Connection isn't built in hours of laborious tasks. It's built across moments throughout your day. And we repeat these. So at this time, let's just pause here for a moment and talk about what healthy development looks like the truth is development isn't this sweet, linear line, it doesn't like just climb gracefully, right? There's a lot of growth and ebb and flow especially in these early years,'cause so much is happening and so I, I want to. Clear up some confusion that, you will see periods where there's a burst of new words and a burst of, lots of movement and trying to master that, and even a burst of understanding and following directions, and then things slow down, There's a plateau we call it the slowing isn't back sliding. it's really a time where, and we know this through neuroscience, where the brain is organizing what they're just learning, especially with some of these big motor skills like stair climbing or crawling or toilet training. All of that things will take a shift, right? And there are often some plateaus, and that means though, that your child is still holding his own right. But there's no more big bursts of learning for a couple of weeks even. But there's still engaged, right? They're still playing with you, they're still interested in exploring. They're sleeping and eating for the most part are fairly consistent. and it is common for some kids to skip a meal here and there. That's not a big deal. But they're still interacting. They're still enjoying most of their regular routine. And that's happens during that plateau. And it really does. I mean, research has really shown us that that's when the brain is really integrating some of those mastery skills, right? And that's healthy and it's normal to have those plateaus and progress that then does return when the brain is ready for the next layer. And is usually just a couple of weeks, not, not much more than that, but if the interest or spark that you typically see seems to fade, or they're attempting less, they're more fussy, right? They're less curious, more meltdowns, and their play isn't quite, so maybe elaborate then I would raise my eyebrow, I would say, Hmm. Let me think about this, That might be a signal that there's some regression going on. And what regression really means is that there's a loss of engagement and a loss of a specific skill, or many, right? And that is never normal. It's never healthy to lose or go backwards. Regression is not a plateau. A plateau again, is that they've slowed down acquiring new things and they're really consolidating Regression is a loss of skill that is already established, and when that happens, I don't want you to panic. I want you to start to observe and to be more honest with yourself and start to ask yourself a series of questions. Because when I had my private practices. And a family would call me. that was what we would run through a series of questions, you know, has there been any big changes in your life? Is there a new baby? Did you move, was there a divorce? Was there an illness? Are screens slowly creeping in? Or is there more stress at home because of some changes that for the most part you can't avoid? But it's important that we respect and honor that our children pick up on that stress, but they don't understand it. They just pick up on our vibe. Right. And so then at that time, that's when you say, okay, how can we get back to our, our natural groove? Maybe it was a move. How can you settle in? you want to do your best to restore that routine, that continuity, right? Restore some rhythm, go back on the floor, get face to face, and play with them again and see if things start to recalibrate. But if the spark, if the interest doesn't come back, I want you to feel confident to reach out to a developmental therapist, whether it's an OT or a speech language pathologist like myself, not to get a label, but to understand more and to gather more information. and I just wanna always give you a caveat here, that pediatricians are not trained in the nuances of development for the most part, unless they're developmental pediatrician. And then they have special training, extra training beyond being a pediatrician, right? Because the average general practitioner out there, they have the developmental checklist, just like you. They just look at the c, d, C, guidelines or their website just like you. And you don't need a pediatrician's referral Now, sometimes insurance companies, if you wanna get reimbursed, will require that, but that's on an individual basis. but what I'm saying is you don't need that referral. You can make the calls and you can pick your clinician. and I do encourage everyone to look for someone who's experienced that you feel is trustworthy and being honest with you, and someone that empowers you and doesn't dismiss you because you're concerned. I don't think most developmental specialists will, but. Things have shifted in our field where there's a lot of kids on a wait list and we want to reduce some of the stress and the worry, so we minimize some of your concerns. And I don't think that that's helpful. Even if we feel like we have too many kids to serve. and I think that that's where, teachers and school nurses and those kinds of things will dismiss people. But knowing in your heart and in your mind, that progress builds more curiosity and connection, right? And you see kids moving forward. it's not in that linear, it's up and down, but it's still, the trajectory is still forward. A plateau is really where they're consolidating things. Like I said, they will continue to practice to do the same things. It will often happen when big. skills are trying to be mastered, like toilet training. That's a big one, but that's really where integration happens. And regression requires that you take a closer look. It doesn't mean that they'll get a label, it just simply means what happened, what's going on and how can we recalibrate? Right? Knowing the difference, I believe gives you confidence and decreases your worry and, and knowing what to look for and what questions to ask, right? Because I want you to stop guessing and take action. And, and there's, and I've always said there is absolutely no harm in getting an evaluation and saying, Hey, your kid is just fine. Then waiting. And, and that's probably the biggest regret that any parent will report that they waited too long to seek. a consultation. So let me share a little story that still kind of makes me smile. And I kind of alluded to this earlier that I was working with a mom, and it was recent in the last couple of years, and his room was full of toys, right? They were bright and big and small and little noisy. And when you first looked at it, you thought, oh, these are all I think, well, intentional toys. And yet. Mom kept saying he never really stays and plays with them. He kind of, you know, wanders around. He'll toss a few things and kick things and build things and crash things, and then he gets bored, melts down and starts to fuss. And so after a couple of discussions, mom agreed to work with me and thin it out. And we literally packed up probably half of his toys and put the ones that I thought were meaningful in bins and put them up. And we threw away a lot of extras gave a few younger toys away, but we pretty much just kept one open shelf. And, and my favorites for this little guy who was probably 22, I don't think he was quite two years old yet. a series of building blocks that were different sizes. Also magnetic tiles, which. Tend to be my favorite. a pretty elaborate shape sorter. some cars and several trucks,'cause those were his favorite and a couple of sturdy books that he really gravitated toward. It really wasn't anything fancy, but it was a lot more space. There was a lot more. Mobility room and space to create, right? And honestly, when he was brought back into the room, mom said that, you know, he just kinda looked and said, oh my gosh, what, where'd everything go? What am I gonna do? And then I came back and I started to model with him and mom and how we could play simply with a few things. and mom said that within days everything started to shift, that he started to play more independently. There was a lot more noise making car sounds, crashes, giggles, and laughs. She really felt like he kind of opened up right, and that there was just room to breathe. And so she texted me within a month or so that he's actually making real, real words and really trying to get things through words versus having a tantrum or demanding But she really began to feel more comfortable herself pulling him in to her day, Maybe it was at the sink or sweeping the front porch, making lists. He was into, you know, pretending to write and those kinds of things. And she said, because there was a better rhythm, a balance to. Him playing by himself and him being with me and playing in our life together, that there was this kind of ebb and flow and she didn't realize that he had no idea how to play and that she thought, oh, maybe this will interest him or maybe this will interest him. But the funny thing is science now turns out agrees that there is a recent study from the University of Toledo and it was published in a journal called The Journal of Infant Behavior and Development. And in it, it compared toddlers who played with four toys versus 16 toys, the research was really well designed and that children with only the four toys seemed to play twice as long with each one. And their play was more creative, more focused, and more complex. And that's what I saw in this little guy. the researchers concluded that fewer toys allow for that deeper and more sophisticated play. It kind of cleaned up their cognitive noise, right? Because the brain didn't have to constantly compete with, oh, this is new. Oh, this is new, this is shiny, you know, that shiny syndrome or shiny object syndrome. And so. the funny part is that we, many therapists that think like I do, we didn't have the study back during our private practice days, but we saw it every week. I certainly saw it, and I know that there are some therapists and even some teachers, their classrooms I think is just overwhelming. They're just, it is just cluttered. And whenever I walk into a classroom like that, I just think, eh, so I do think the Montessori mindset has a lot of validity into that. I always kept my treatment rooms clean and pre-selected toys that I thought were meaningful to this child or that child. but I understood that it was important to set the stage and that your child. Get involved simply, and then we could expand it as his skills expanded, but keep it simple, right? And, and follow their lead and help them move in their space with a few toys and real life objects, right? Cleaning supplies or a duster, or a sweep pan, or a shovel or a pitcher or all of those kinds of things. And so when I say less is more, it is not my opinion or even acute slogan. I, I really think both my experience and data is supporting this. And I think in this world, in 2025, in this modern world where we have so much stuff I think, especially in the toy arena because the toys have gotten cheaper, which means that you guys just get more and it just piles up. And I think especially as we get closer and closer to the holidays, remember that more is not what they're looking for. That the best gift I think, especially in these early, early years is family together. And to create some rituals, some family routines that you can expand upon as life goes on. I thought that when I fell into that. Article. I felt like it was good timing as we're moving closer and closer to the holidays. So I promise you that your little ones especially will never, ever miss the stuff because they never remember it, But they remember the feelings of baking cookies with you, or singing Christmas carols or rolling around in the snow or building a snowman, all of that, Underneath everything that we've talked today, I, I just want us to kind of think about, there's this mindset shift, How we as the adults can look at play and create a home that really nurtures that. Right. And that play is learning how to make muffins and play is learning how to fold the laundry and play is learning how to, put your shoes on the tray, and to wash your hands. That's play to them, right? that's being involved in your everyday life and feeling proud that I can do it with a little help and less help and now I can do it independently, right? So think that play isn't something that we squeeze in after real work. Play is the work, and it's all by design. I think it's God's design for families and children and parents to do this together. And I think when we truly see that, then everything begins to change. and you as the mom and the dad and the grandparents, can stop feeling the pressure to entertain and stop chasing new toys and new activities, and really start creating space for natural curiosity and for their personality to unfold within your home and within each other. And you'll see what their personalities are and that how they're different than you, right? Children learn best through movement, through a lot of repetition, through engagement with the people that they love and who love them the most, not through screens. Not through programs and not through outsourcing, but they learn best through your voice, your presence, and your willingness to sit on the floor, follow their lead, laugh, mess up and do it again. That's what wires children's foundation, right? That's what builds security and then allows them to build their attention and language and self-control. And that's what we're all what our ultimate goal is, right? Let's, let's picture that 7-year-old, it takes all of this to watch that 7-year-old. You know, jump on his bike and ride down the street. That's true mastery, This, I believe, is God's design, That, that relationships grow the brains and that family is your child's first classroom and belonging to one another. Learning through everyday moments is beautiful, right? That you're not fitting it in, that you're living it with them. Not 24 7, but that it's, it's a balance. It's that ebb and flow. I've seen this in my practice and I've read this in the research, that when we. Create homes like that, then your stress goes down as well, because you're not looking for perfection, you're not looking for unrealistic expectations with your toddlers, that you're realizing that it's a process and that you in it with them, and that over time, that competency turns into confidence and it's a win-win for, for the adults and all of the children. And if today's message encouraged you, then keep your ears open because there is something special coming in early December, and I think you will all love it. until then, keep leading with calm, open hearts and keep trusting that brains are built not born. So God bless and I'll see you in the next talking toddlers.