Talking Toddlers

The 7 Stages of Play: Building Your Child’s Brain from Birth to Age 3 Ep 120

• Erin Hyer • Season 4 • Episode 120

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Most parents think play begins with dolls and pretend kitchens — but the earliest stages of play start long before that… and missing them could mean missing crucial communication growth.

From nibbling on their fists, to peekaboo and pretend play -- your child’s first three years are full of small moments that build a BIG foundation. 

In this episode, Erin Hyer — speech-language pathologist and toddler specialist with 35+ years of experience — breaks down the 7 stages of play and shows how each stage fuels brain growth, language development, and social connection.

You’ll learn:

  • The difference between exploratory, functional, and symbolic play
  • Why gestures, imitation, and pretend games support speech development
  • How play builds critical thinking, imagination, and problem-solving skills
  • What to watch for as your toddler moves from play ➝ phrases ➝ full conversations

This is your roadmap for supporting communication and confidence from day one.

Resources & Links Mentioned

👣 Next Step: Ready for more? Start small with The Tiny Challenge — a personalized way to create a learning-rich lifestyle for your child. Link in the show notes.

CLICK HERE NOW - Tiny Challenge for Moms 

✨ If this episode gave you something to think about, share it with a mom who needs encouragement today. 

And I’d love to hear from you — email me your thoughts or questions.

CONNECT WITH ERIN
contact@HyerLearning.com

CLICK HERE NOW - Screen-Free Fun Activities

Building Vocabulary Guide - get it NOW!

✨ If today’s episode encouraged you, please share it with another mom or dad, and don’t forget to leave a review — it helps more families find this support.

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Podcast Disclaimer:
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your pediatrician or a qualified health provider with questions about your child’s development or health. The views shared are based on Erin Hyer’s professional experience and are intended to support informed parenting, not to replace individual consultation or care. Every child and family is unique—please use your discretion and consult trusted professionals when making decisions for your child.

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So the actions and gestures in symbolic play

will support the early

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single word production too. When they understand that they can pretend everyday actions, whether it's sweeping or dusting, picking weeds, making food, putting the baby down, all of those gestural play, symbolic play helps support and then the speech comes with it.

erin:

Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're gonna cover all of that, but here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started.

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Hello and welcome back this episode we're going to dive deep into the different stages of play in those first three years. From when you bring your newborn home all the way through his or her third birthday. And the reason why it's really, really important that all parents- nowadays especially- all caregivers, all grandparents, nannies, school teachers- all of us really need to hone our understanding of those subtle nuances between those big developmental milestones that we look at- rolling over or standing to walk, or crawling or their first words. Those are big markers that are critical and important, but mom especially, but dad and grandparents I really want you to dive deep into those subtle nuances. And why do you do the things you do during their waking hour? And so there are seven play stages that are linked strongly to verbal communication or human communication, because those first 12, 14, 16, 18 months are really building strong non-verbal communication that has to be laid down before they really start using those first words or those first phrases around that second birthday. So let's take a look at what the seven different stages are and how you at home can really figure out where is my son or daughter, go to where they are developmentally, even if it's a few months behind, and meet them where they are and build up through everyday actions, purposeful play. And you will understand why you play peekaboo, or why it's important to share the meal with him, or why it's important to help him learn how to use those puzzle pieces. Right. And so it is both sensory and motor integration, like I've talked about in previous episodes, and human connection- building that engagement. the first is EXPLORATORY PLAY, which really starts after those first couple of weeks when you bring them home. And they're finally getting acclimated to this big, bad three-dimensional world, right? They were in utero. It was perfect. All their needs were met. And now it's like, holy cow, these sensory input can be toxic and overwhelming. But they're starting to find a rhythm. They're starting with your help and guidance they're really starting to find those, those steps and those routines. But this exploratory play is critical at laying that first foundation and helping them build interactions with objects and people. And that's key. And you'll see a lot of this exploratory play up through eight months of age. So they're sensory and motor exploration is trying to just figure out what the heck this thing is, or whether it's the rattle or whether it's your hand or whether it's a toy or the mirror. Or when you introduce solid foods to him around six months of age, it's really exploration. And that's why I continually say let them explore, let them be introduced to a wide variety. He didn't know that this broccoli was food and I'm going to sit down and have a meal with my family versus this rattle is kind of green too. And so it's important that this exploration is really supported in your every day exchanges your everyday activities from eating to dressing to real life play right. But to giving a bath, to playing outside, to crawling around at the playground, all of these things are exploratory. And that's why we have to really keep an eye on your baby because they're going to put it in their mouth. And I know that you know this, but it's, it's not because they just want a mouth stuff is because that's their primary mode of data collection. And so babies learn in those first eight months really how to shift their attention with the object and you, or with you and the object. When you sit down to look at a book or you're playing with cars or your introducing different cause and effect objects. But they're those things are beginning to emerge and I use that word very purposely, and it's important that parents understand that it's a process, right? It's emerging he'll, he'll engage with something today and maybe not be so interested tomorrow. But those first eight months, he was really learning how to reach for something, right. He's realizing, oh, this arm is attached to me. I can grab a hold of something in a big fist. I don't really have good, fine motor dexterity with my, with my digits or my fingers at this time, but I can grab something and get information. And you are helping him around that six months, differentiate between a toy item that you can explore and food that is a different satisfaction, right? And so, it's really important that building that relationship with you and with the other adults, or children in your family and that their attention span and interest gets longer and longer through those first eight months. The next play phase or stage would be NONFUNCTIONAL play. And what that means is- between eight and 12 months, again, give or take, depending on where your child is on this developmental journey, but that the activities with toys and objects are beginning to really support cognitive development. And that's where I've shared in the past, where they are beginning to really master and understand object permanence. And that they're also curious with the whole cause-and-effect. So you're going to see, hopefully- during eight to 12 months, a little less mouthing of toys and objects and more engagement with them. Where they're starting to bang things or they're starting to turn pieces of toys or objects around to look at it from a different perspective, or they start to really throw things because it's an cause and effect, right you'll go get it. Or the dog will go get it, but also that you will often imitate them when they bang on the table or they start to pat. And that's why it's important then that the toys be upgraded two more cause and effect where- if they push this button something will turn or there's a lot of engagement with the right and the left hemisphere and working at midline. So they're really thinking about how do I do this again? Or what does it look like if I turn it over? And so it's not that they're thinking about it with language or with words-- but they're really just curious of how these objects, not only feel and taste anymore, but can be used in the three-dimensional world. So the joint attention with showing you again, maybe throwing the ball or rolling the ball to you, or giving you a book, realizing that you can share something and every page is a little bit different. And as well as some communicative intent and that's as they're approaching that first birthday, or somewhere around 10 or 12 months of age they'll begin to use very specific and very important words- such as NO. NO, I don't want to go to bed; but also MORE, or BOOK or, their favorite toy TRUCK. Maybe you have to help them put it back together. Those kinds of gestures and nonverbal communication are starting to be supported by verbal communication because hopefully they've had a lot of oral motor stimulation, right. With cooing and babbling and chewing. And they're, and they're motoric skills in their mouth are starting to really develop and synchronize with, oh, I have this voice and I can move these patterns or the, this mouth pattern and they will respond. So they're really honing their human connection through verbal and non-verbal tasks. But it's it's through play and it's, it's really beginning to understand. You and I label it as play, but to them that's, that's their life. They're exploring. They can crawl. Maybe some of these one-year-olds are, are getting the hang of walking. So their world is getting a little bit bigger. But they're really just wired to hopefully be curious, right. And hopefully want to engage. And that's why every time that you interact with them, whether you're changing them, bathing them, putting them in the car seat, spending lots and lots and lots of beautiful tummy time with them- all of that, that you are connected connecting with them too. And that you snatch these little play opportunities, but because you're making it fun and engaging, and then there'll be really beginning to turn take, and they begin to imitate us on purpose. so the third play stage would be that they're beginning to have FUNCTIONAL play and that's around 12 to 15 months. And what functional play really means is that they're learning that these objects, these toys- and they could be say make believe dishes that you have, right, or old Tupperware, pots and pans. That they have a purpose, right? I can mix in this bowl. I can eat out of this bowl. Or that I can put the trains together and they can go choo, choo, choo, chug, chug, chug on the track. That they're no longer just mouthing it. They're no longer just throwing it- unless it's a ball or something round. They could generalize it- anything that's round is a ball. They're understanding that there are purposeful intention, right? Again, they're mapping their cognitive understanding of how different objects can work on purpose. And so toddlers really begin to understand through trial and error. That's where you'll see them begin to look at different shapes and visually recognize, oh, this triangle shape is different than the circle shape. And you're giving them the verbal, oh, give me the circle, give me the circle or the circle fits here. And you're helping them visually and auditorily- and motorically understand that the triangle looks and feels and WORKS differently than the circle. But there's a lot of trial and error in this particular stage. Toddlers use the context for single words to get you to react. Or to request for something or to label. And it's really important that you begin to see those first words because they're connecting objects- actions- people- with their early first words. And, and that they're building that relationship with human communication, verbal and nonverbal and the environment. And so between 12 and 15 months you really need to help support that and give them time to listen- like if you're saying,"where's the Teddy bear?" Where's the Teddy bear? Say he was hiding underneath the blanket. And he now has permanent or object permanence, and he understands that you're playing a game of hide and seek or something. Where is Teddy, where is Teddy? And he goes to look for it on purpose. And so he's beginning to

understand that this world has

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functional purpose, right? So that's between 12 and 15 months, the next play phase or play stage, I keep saying that, is EARLY SYMBOLIC play. So that begins around 17 or 18 months. And that's going to continue for a while, but you should begin to see it around 18 months of age that there's early pretending- like I said, he could begin to mix in the mixing bowl or he could Pick up something that's rectangle and use it as a phone. Those early stages of pretending they're really, really important. And, and during this 8, 10, 12 months- all the way through 16, 18 months we really need to support their gestures because I've shared on these these podcasts on these videos, but also in my day to day practice- that if a child is slow to talk then we will often try to get them to verbally communicate before they're quite ready- before they realize that we can have symbolic representation. Like to wave goodbye or to blow a kiss or to clap when you're happy. That that symbolic understanding non-verbally through gestures- and I've mentioned the 16 Gesture By 16 Months" that are critical to helping support that verbal communication. So the actions and gestures in symbolic play

will support the early

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single word production too. And so when they understand that they can pretend or model what everyday actions, whether it's sweeping or dusting, picking weeds, making food, putting the baby down, all of those gestural play, symbolic play helps support and then the speech comes with it. Hush, baby, don't cry. Or here's here's your bottle. So what's key here with early symbolic plays that you're really seeing it begin to emerge around that 17, 18 months. And, and that's important too. Where again, we're always looking at how many words do they have or are they starting to combine two words? Can they follow a simple direction? Which is true, but sometimes it's more important to step back and watch them play. And watch how they're trying to live a life, very similar to the adults around them, right. Taking care of their babies or mixing some food or driving a car. All of those early symbolic plays are really important to start to observe and see around that 18th month mark. So the next phase would be where they're combining play actions and familiar routines. And it's just- remember it things are evolving, right? They're emerging. And so between 19 and 22 months that they really do perform several different actions with toys and it's often based on what they've seen around them. And that's why it's important to always be including or as much as possible to include them in what you're doing. Whether folding the clothes or you're going to go grocery shopping, take them outside and sweep the front porch, or pull some weeds, or water the lawn, or food prep. All of these day to day actions, laundry is a great activity to get them involved and then they will model that in their play. And the reason why it's really important is because those actions that gestures really support verbal communication. It's taking the pressure off what's this- what's this- what's this- or tell me all the colors you know, all of that rote kind of memorization and really wires it through action and verbal communication. So then the next phase would be around 24 months through 30 months of age- where they're expanding those play routines. And they're really understanding the steps that are involved and that you turn the water on first, fill up the tub. Then put the baby in wash, wash, wash; rinse and it's really important that they're understanding that the sequences right, because that will then support their verbal communication. So toddlers will use phrases and sentences at this stage at 24 to 30 months, and you'll see a big explosion of verbal communication. And so they move from 50 to a 100 single words to multiple phrases. And then by the time a child is 30 months, 34 months, 36 months, they're really having conversational flow and that's important. But all of these types of play or engagement with you- and then they practice and rehearse without you right- as you're doing the real things, they can go over there and play. But if that's reinforcing how this world works and their understanding. And that it's also important around this 24 to 30 months, that those Wh- questions and I've referenced this before and down below I'll have a link to where you can get a PDF, an understanding of how that hierarchy of Wh- questions is developed. But they will begin to ask and answer a wide variety of Wh- questions more than just the concrete- what's this, what's this or Where is Johnny? But more like HOW MANY, and WHY which is a higher order thinking. And so it's important that we don't expect a two-year-old to understand that, but as they're reaching that 30 month, 36 months, then those types of processing- Why do you brush your teeth? Right. Or what would you do if you're cold? Because then they can think with I've gone through that action over and over and over again in real life. And then I pretended, and now I have language and imagination in my mind to imagine, oh, if I was cold, what would I do? I'd go find a sweater. Right. And so it's really important that they're included in your day to day routines, and then they can rehearse that right. And then the final step is really looking at EARLY ROLE PLAY and then GAMES WITH RULES. And that's tricky, but a three year old give or take really understands that there are boundaries that there are guidance, right, even though they can have emotional meltdowns too. But it's their they've experienced enough life with others with through trial and error through shaping of your direction. That they begin to understand and can take on a different role, right? And so early role playing, you know, whether it's dress up and I'm going to be the doctor or I'm going to be the teacher, or I'm going to be the truck driver. All of those kinds of things are really important because their imagination is expanding and they're thinking- and I've shared with previous episodes how imagination and curiosity it really drives their higher order thinking. We don't want a two year old or a three-year-old just to memorize facts. And that sometimes I get really uncomfortable when preschools are focusing on those academic kinds of things, such as colors and numbers, or let's write your name. And those things- again are big developmental markers, but if we don't have the play-based, the language base, the social interaction based to support that then it's just academic skills. We want them by three to have conversations with us. We want them to imagine when you're telling the story, before you turn the page, you say, oh, what do you think Tommy's gonna do? You know, say he fell off the swing and nobody was there to help them. I'm just making up the story, but what would you do? And it's putting your putting himself or herself in that character's role. Or it could be a story that has a moral to it. Right? Somebody pushed him. What could he do? And you want them to be able to expand their imagination putting themselves in somebody else's position and what would you do? Was that a good choice to push him because he was frustrated? Or what would you do if your baby brother started crying? Who would you go to? Those kinds of problem solves that problem solving episodes- where they can then generalize them into real life, right. And it's it is important, I mean it's critical just imagine by that first birthday they have 10 15 20 words, by their second birthday they have 50 to a couple of hundred words, and starting to put concepts together in short little phrases. By the third birthday, they're having full fledged conversations and answering why questions or tell me all the steps you need to brush your teeth. And they understand the order and they're able to verbalize it. So that is really rich verbal development, but it's based on their life experience in the here and now and again, that's why I am here to encourage you guys- you moms and dads and grandparents- to not really think that screens are healthy for their visual, their auditory, their verbal, and their social communication. That a screen, a video online will never, ever, ever replace what he or she can foster by human connection and human engagement. And then real life practice out there, to go over to their play area and say, oh, I'm going to pretend to build this castle or go swimming or whatever the pretend is. So those are the seven different stages. And I will have a description down below that you can look at. And the key is to always go where your child is developmentally and then help them step up to the next one. Even if you feel like, oh, he's 18 months and he doesn't do this, this or this, then go to where they are and help support them. So the first one EXPLORATORY play between three or four weeks of age and up through their eighth month. The second one NONFUNCTIONAL play that's between eight and 12 months. And the third one BEGINNING FUNCTIONAL play between 12 and 15 months. That they're really putting verbal communication, gestures, and actions together. The next one is EARLY SYMBOLIC play that the very early pretending around that 17, 18 months of age. They're also starting to put more single words with that. Then the next one COMBINING PLAY ACTIONS and FAMILIAR ROUTINES, and that would be between 19 and 22 months. EXPANDING PLAY ROUTINES where they can really begin to pretend and understand what I do in the specific steps. And answering and asking Wh- questions a wide variety. And then the last one is EARLY ROLE PLAY and beginning to understand some GAMES WITH RULES and that's when you would help them with spinning a color dye or taking turns in counting like CANDYLAND and those kinds of things, but also that there's a beginning, middle and end. And that there's purpose. And quite often GO FISH and those kinds of things, I encourage families to do that as teams. And so you're helping them emotionally feel supported through understanding the steps that are directed there. And the key is as they're approaching that third birthday, that they're really are speaking in sentences and that they're understanding more complex constructions of grammar and syntax. And that it's important as they reach that third birthday that they're engaged with playing with peers and family members and friends. That they're not always going to be emotionally self regulated, but that they're highly interested in, friends and that's important, okay. So with that, keep that in mind. Understand to watch your child or to help them wherever they are, and then build from that. And don't forget down below I will have this chart, this graph here. So you can really look and understand where is my child now and how can I support them over these next couple of weeks and go inside and outside and help them be interested and curious in expanding their skills. So thanks again for spending time with me and if you're gaining benefits please- don't forget to share do me a big favor leave a review. That's how I'm going to expand my reach. That's how I'm going to really get this information in the hands of moms and dads, just like you, who are motivated and know that that living in this modern day world that we're, we're all trying to navigate can feel overwhelming and uncertain from day to day. And that you just don't wait until they're three years old and say- Hmm, I guess he's a slow talker. Hmm He doesn't have very good social skills. No, we can start from day one and it's built from playing with you and then expanding his world from there. So you've got this, let's do it together. See you next week. Take care.