Why Toddlers Ignore "No" -- and What to Do Instead Ep 112

Why does your toddler seem to completely ignore you when you say “no”? 

Are they just testing limits—or is something deeper going on?

In this episode of Talking Toddlers, Erin breaks down what “no” actually means to children under three—and why their response is less about defiance and more about development. 

You’ll learn how to guide your toddler through this critical stage with firm but loving strategies that really work.

Inside this episode:

• What toddlers truly understand about “no”
• The developmental stages of autonomy and initiative (and why they matter)
• Why overprotection can backfire—even when it’s well-meaning
• How to reduce power struggles without giving in
• 10 practical tools to help toddlers listen, cooperate, and grow with confidence

You’ll walk away with a new perspective and feel more equipped to handle those “I said no!” moments with calm, clarity, and consistency.

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Join Erin’s Tiny Challenge — a personal, fast-track solution for tackling your biggest toddler struggle. 

CLICK HERE NOW - Tiny Challenge for Moms 

👉 Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share with a mama who needs a reset.

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Podcast Disclaimer:
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your pediatrician or a qualified health provider with questions about your child’s development or health. The views shared are based on Erin Hyer’s professional experience and are intended to support informed parenting, not to replace individual consultation or care. Every child and family is unique—please use your discretion and consult trusted professionals when making decisions for your child.

Transcript

0:00

Okay, here's a quick question. Have you ever told your toddler no. And they look right at you and then do the thing anyway? We've all been there and we all understand that feeling. But what if I told you at that moment, it's not about them being defiant, it's actually part of how their brain is wired to grow and to learn that God designed us this way.

Erin: 0:26

Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're gonna cover all of that, but here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started.

1:07

In today's episode, we're going to unpack what no really means to that child of yours who's under three, and why they don't respond to it the way that we would like them to, or that we really expect. More importantly, I'll walk through how to guide your child with fewer meltdowns, more cooperation. We talked about that in the last episode, and a whole lot more confidence on your part, because if you're tired of these power struggles, and I'm sure you are, and you just want to know what's developmentally appropriate and how do I know what's actually working and what's, what am I doing wrong in this situation to making it worse, it seems. So what's really going on when they hear, no, let's start with a, a big fat truth. Toddlers under three don't really get what no means not in the way that you and I do. Sure. They might recognize your tone or even your facial expression, and they stop. They pause. They even hesitate. They could even look at you like, okay. What does that really mean? You've startled me, you've got my attention, but yet they don't fully, fully comprehend what no means in every different context, that it takes time to learn what you are trying to share with them. And that usually when we say no, it's safety, right? It is protection, it is tried to, To guide their behavior so nothing bad happens. Or they make a mess. Or they make, they break something. they themselves might not be hurt, but they might hurt an object in your house. But here's the truth. Their brains are on overdrive. when you look at a one and a two and a 3-year-old, they're soaking up so much all around them every day At the same time, they're trying to build that autonomy. They're trying to build that independence. They don't have the motor skills. They certainly don't have the cognitive skills. So when we say no, it can feel like you're trying to slam on the brakes to something that's very natural and, and driving them to explore, driving them to touch stuff and climb on stuff and get involved. That's how they're wired, that they're, they're looking to learn and so it's really hard for them in a moment to stop. to shift gears, to look at you, to modify their behavior in real time because they don't have that, that cognitive, fluidity. Right. And they certainly don't have the motor coordination, not because they're being naughty, it's because they're doing exactly what they're supposed to do. Explore, touch, feel, taste, get involved, So think of it as. You are not failing them. You know, you are trying desperately to teach them the boundaries to teach them appropriate guidelines, They're not failing. They're doing exactly what they are wired to do, to explore, to learn, to create, to get involved, like I said. And all of this is just a process. And so when you're looking at a 12 month old. 18, 24 months, 36 months, that's not a lot of time to put all of this together, So as they're trying to build and assert their independence at the same time to experience life. And a lot of this stuff they do with this fearless intent, and you're like, are you crazy? Why would you touch that? Are you crazy? Why would you climb on that? Are you crazy? Why would you stick that thing in that hole? Or, I saw a little girl the other day, she was really, really interested. Like, can my head fit between these two bars on this handrail? And I'm like. Don't go there, you will get stuck. It will hurt. And I had a moment of, oh my gosh, we're gonna have to call the, the fire department to come in and saw those things off. Fortunately, we were able to stop her before it, it got too far. But they're fearless, right? And, and, and they're driven to explore, driven to try things. So when we say no. Or stop that truly contradicts their natural native state. And so I want you to think of this as biology, not bad behavior. And, and sometimes when we think about what is developmentally appropriate, what is really their, their neurological system wiring at that moment. So it's not by choice. It's not being naughty or deviant or bad, they're just testing. And they had no idea of what danger or any of that is. So let's, take a, a, A brief look at what these stages are that really shape their independence, because that's, that's what we want them to do. We want them to be in independent. We want them to be curious and to explore, but we also want to them to respect our boundaries and to listen. To us with our directions, our limitations, and especially when we say no, we want them to stop immediately. So somewhere around that first birthday, give or take closer, like I'd say 14, 16 months. When they have a little bit more body control, they're really in that stage of me Do it, me do it And, and they're, they're pushing you back because that's how they're wired to, to build that independence. They have a little bit more gross and find motor skills and they insist on climbing into the car seat or their highchair all by themselves. Even though you and I are holding our breath. Right. They want to do it themselves. They insist on. Pouring the water themselves, even though 80% of it ends up on the floor. Right? You've been there. But that's autonomy. That's where they're trying to match up their curiosity and interest in this world with their physical. Immaturity, right? That's all just beginning to come online and their curiosity, how does this work? What does this feel like? Does this taste good? All of these, well, is this important? Like, could it be important to me? Is it just important to them? What is important? I don't even know what that word is, right? But it's pretty striking when just about that 18 month old to that 36 month old, Those months, and most of you are in it, you have one or more. And that you and I know, we know how clumsy they are, that they don't really have good, fine motor skills. They don't have the physical strength to really climb up that or the balance skills yet. Right. It's coming online, it's, it's getting better every week. and we know it's gonna take a lot for them to figure this out, but even as their, their fine and gross motor skills are developing and and emerging, they still wanna try it, right? They still wanna do it. And that's, that's where that fine line is where you and I have to think, okay, how do we give that room to grow and stretch and try and yet. Not scare us to, to death, not break stuff, not get hurt, all of these kinds of things, So think of the activities that you're facing today, the daily ADLs, right? Activities of daily living that getting dressed. trying to put on your pants and not falling over the shirt, inside out, backwards, whatever. Brushing their teeth, brushing their hair, making choices. All of that takes time and effort. And if they're going to be permitted to do that, which this is what I'm encouraging you to do. Then you need to, always be writing in an extra five minutes here, an extra 10 minutes here. But in the middle of all of this, 18 to 36 months is a really big milestone of toilet training. And that's a big, that takes up a lot of mental, emotional, and sensory bandwidth, that they need. Uh, this time period, you and I, those that are, are really supporting them, have to be patient and understanding and realistic, Because we want them to continually, grow and learn and enhance these skills, but also listen to us. and let us help them when help is really needed and give them space, Uh, the, the contrast to this autonomy and build and building their independence and building their initiative even is really doubt, uncertainty, and even shame. Right? And, and, and you might be wondering like, well, I'm just trying to protect them. I'm just trying to keep them safe. I'm just trying to get flow to my day and not craziness, Because. This is where I think it really gets tricky for us as the grownups and the, and the parents. Letting them try also means that we have to let them struggle, and that's tricky. We also have to let them get messy and make mistakes. It also means letting them not get it on the first try and that we have to be patient or the 20th try. I. And all of that can be hard, struggle, messiness, and patience. Right? Especially in this modern 2025 lifestyle that we are trying to navigate. We're bombarded with messages about safety first, right? And I'm always about safety first, but at the same time, you have to give them that room. To explore and build and hone those skills we're also bombarded by productivity and, getting your kid to, to be bigger and better and, and, and all of that. But then that we have these unrealistic. Images, perfection. On Instagram and TikTok and none of that's real. You and I know that, that there are filters and editing and clips. You know when you take a, a ten second clip out of something that's taken you three hours to to record, I'm amazed. Right? That's not reality. That's not your life, your day-to-day world. And then I think we're also encouraging new moms, new, 2025 families, uh, to prevent mistakes, right? And, and to preempt pain and agony and struggle. Struggle is how we learn. and I think this whole channel I is about prevention, I want you guys to prevent developmental delays, but that doesn't mean that you do it for them. It means that you're giving them space and time and love and energy. To build and hone those skills on their own and to wi literally wire the brain through their everyday experience. So prevention isn't by doing it for them or making it look good, but I think we accidentally send the message to our little guys, like, I don't trust you to figure it out, or. they're trying to say to us, let me try it on my own. I can do this. I've watched you do it 4,500 times. But what we then end up saying to them by mistake is, don't worry, honey. I can do it for you faster or better or more fluently. You need my help. You are too slow. It's not quite right. It's a little messy. All of those nonverbal messages that we're giving them by doing it for them or rushing them through that, that's where shame and doubt begin to creep in, in, in our tone, in our body language, in our rushed ness. And so when a toddler, your toddler isn't allowed to try or to attempt, even though it's going to be imperfect, then they start to really question their ability. Uh, mommy will do it. And just, and this happens very, very often with kids who are quote unquote, late talkers. That typically mom, but even dad and grandma, they'll get used to nonverbal gestures. They'll get used to body language, they'll get used to their routine, and then the child doesn't really have to learn how to talk. I'm loved. I'm protected. I'm well fed. I'm, I live in a great nurturing family. All of this is hunky dory. Talking takes too much effort. I can just let mom do it. And none of this is consciously mind you, on, on your part or on their part, but over time, it, it really does chip away at their internal sense of self, their, their ability to say, I can do this. That struggle isn't a bad thing. And, and I think it's, it's important that we, we need to reconnect with the fact that at this stage of growth and development, that one and two and three, and even that four and 5-year-old autonomy versus doubt or uncertainty or even shame, has really been studied for decades. We know this. We look at Erickson's work in child development and, early human growth. We know that if we have environments that are safe and open and opportunities for them to explore on their own, even if it's a little messy, even if it's a little not quite right, that's what builds their confidence and their motivation and their long-term resilience. And, and they're not then stuck with unrealistic expectation or perfectionism. and, and so I want us to look at this through practical eyes that when you're looking at a 12 or an 18, 24, 30 month, they need a lot of opportunity. And, and so in this, like I've always said here, that we set up the boundaries and then they wiggle between those, those mark markets. I do think it's really important that we set the stage that there are some absolutes, That they, they can't kick or bite or throw things in the house. They can't hurt anybody else, but they also can't run out into the streets. I. in those safety experiences. We have to be really, really firm. If, if something's dangerous, then that's when we say no. If it's harmful or hurting others, that's when we say no. and that's when we step back and we help them. When I say no, that that's a biggie. It's dangerous or harmful and, and we save those big, strong no stop and that they begin to understand, oh, I better listen on the first time. So when it's other kinds of subtle things. Like, trying to master these low stairs or trying to put on your shoes even though it's on the wrong foot, Or trying to pour the water. Like I said, even though most of it ends up on the floor, it's just water. Yes. We have to clean it up. How can I set the stage where maybe it's, it's a little bit smaller? Of a poor, how can I set the stage where they're a little bit more successful? Those kinds of things. Those small learning opportunities that can be a headache from time to time can be a little messy, like I said, but it still helps them hone their skills, their motor skills, their thinking skills, their their organizational skills, and this is where. All of that internal wiring is happening through that motor planning and the thinking and the judgment and all of that, and, and it really is happening in real time. And so when they do hear the big no, then that's for the really big important things when it really, really matters. Danger, right? Seriousness, because we don't say no to everything. We, we help shape those other kinds of behaviors and give them an opportunity to try and to get messy and to make mistakes and try, try again. Right? We want toddlers who learn to listen because they feel capable and not toddlers who obey out of fear or shame when they hear someone yell. And, and this really starts by letting them do the small stuff, even if it's a little messy or a little slower or takes more time. Or you could do it better, You can always go back When we constantly correct or hover over or s stop them in mid, in mid event, that shuts down their efforts. And it really does give them a sense non-verbally subconsciously that they're not enough. That it, it's, it's not worth my effort. And, and that's where we. Replace that autonomy and independence with doubt and and uncertainty. and I've seen this a number of times and I just recently saw this a couple of weeks ago. I was at a, a local playground. I. And meeting some friends, and they're, and this happened with a couple of different moms, and I don't even think that they were together, but there was a, a short two foot slide and they were holding their kids hands to climb up the slide and slide down the slide. And it, it wasn't much bigger than they were. And I'm like. They could easily have learned through practice'cause they would've done it like 10 times. But what I saw that they did it once or twice with mom hovering, holding the hands. And I'm like, they can't even get their feet underneath themselves because mom's holding their hands. And what do we do with our hands? That's how we balance, right? And so the kids were interested and I thought, well. I know you love her, your your child, and you don't want them to fall, but they're only yay big. And if they do fall, they're just gonna fall on their bum. It wasn't a big piece of equipment where they would hit their head or any of that, and I thought, oh, we just have to give them room to practice and explore. They didn't get a chance to figure it out on themselves. Mama was too afraid. And without those opportunities to try and to learn, there's no growth. A and, and it's, I keep saying here, it's all interconnected, right? The motor planning, the cognitive thinking, the organization, the language that, let me try and try again. So let me gently challenge a trend that's also going on that we've talked about here before, and I, I don't think it's going away anytime soon, but, this mental attitude that parents say it and, and even us adults say it to each other, that you're perfect just the way you are. I love you just the way you are. And when I hear that, I think to myself, yeah, I think every child is special and that they have special gifts that we're trying to shape and blossom. But I also think that. It inhibits them to not try difficult things because development is about becoming, growing into yourself. Honing those skills, growing is about enhancement and stretching yourself, It's not about labeling and keeping you in today's position, When, when parents say, oh, you know, he's just sensitive, or she is. An eager beaver, or she's, that's her a DD. Or if we put kids in these boxes and use these labels with very, very young kids and, and I even think all the way through high school, I think we've over-analyzed and over. Labeled and boxed kids and us grownups, and that's a whole nother conversation. But instead, why don't we take a look at them and, and this is what I've always said to my daughter, but, but also to any child I've ever worked with. I love you exactly the way you are today. And I'm really, really excited about who you are becoming that every day you get a little bit better, a little stronger, and a little more courageous, Because that invites growth. Without shaming or doubting or minimizing their worthiness, Because I think that that's where confidence builds confidence. We don't just arrive and we're born with confidence. We, we try a lot of things and through our experience, we build our confidence that I'll figure it out. It might be messy in the beginning, like when you're learning how to cook or when you're learning how to drive a car, right? That's a little messy in the beginning, but we get better with practice, and I have confidence that you're going to become a competent car driver one of these days. So let's take a look at some practical strategies that we can use or keep in our forebrain to help kids or to help teach what no means. And that's, the idea here, is that we're teaching them through everyday experiences, To help your little toddler understand what the limits are without yelling, without nagging or losing, confidence in yourself or with them. Always, always recognize that you are learning on the job too, and that this is new for you and you're honing your skills just as much as they're honing their skills. So, let's run through this list and. And again, it's, it's not rocket science. A lot of it isn't quote unquote new or novel. It's things that I have put together that continually has the same threads. For example, the first one is routines, and a couple of weeks ago I talked all about routines, But here's a list of 10 items that helps them understand what your expectations or boundaries are. And that the word no is really saved for those big serious things, so routines that our children thrive knowing what's next, and I talked about this a couple of weeks ago, right? It brings rhythm to your day. We can talk about after snack we clean up, and then what do we do? On Mondays or Thursdays or Saturdays. keep it simple, but predictable and reinforcing for them routines are key. That's, and, and, and I've shared this before, when parents say to me, okay, what's one thing I can do? Routines? Take a look at that. And that that goes for you and me too. What are my daily habits, my daily routines? And that really tells me about how much I get done and how I'm feeling and how I'm sleeping, and how I'm relating to other people, Number two, on this list of teaching your toddler how to understand, know, and respect the boundaries. The two is to check your energy. If you are having to direct them through these, these new law novel experiences, you have to check your tone, your attitude. Because if we're always saying No, stop that. Turn around, put that down, give me that. Go over there. Sit down. That's all negative. And that's all they hear. That's all they feel. I'm not good enough. This isn't, I can't do anything. Oh my gosh. And, and it's not, again, on a conscious level, this is subconscious for you and for your child, but if we stay calm, if we have faith that they're going to be able to over time, learn how to get dressed on their own and brush their teeth and make their bed and help with. With lunch, then we're not frazzled or, or, or feeling stressed all the time. And then we can use a calmer voice if we have built or we're shaping routines into our day, then our energy, our tone of voice, how we meet them and greet them is a lot calmer. And then they're in that calmer state too. They're gonna reflect our tone and, and that's important. Number three is to keep teaching and I think. All parents do this, but I think dads have a little shorter learning curve here because if they've told them not to do something three, five times, they think, ah, he's 24 months old. He, he's mastered that. I've told you that six times today and six times yesterday. But they really haven't. So you need to explain things at least 20 times. That's normal. That's typical. And if we do it in a loving, supportive, I've got your back attitude, then they're going to take that in. And, and kids learn through repetition. They learn through a lot of positive reinforcement. They learn by making some small adjustments, just like when they were learning to crawl and learning to walk and learning to talk and you know, learning to eat their first foods. All of these are minor adjustments and then they get, they get the steps going, But we do have to teach them. And we have to be patient. Number four would be to offer choices. And I say this a lot, but that really can make or break your everyday routines. That giving choices to your toddler gives them that sense of control. Do you want to wear your red socks or your blue socks or better yet, you can wear one of each. Doesn't matter, but you have to put some socks on for these shoes. Right, so there are, there they have some control or choice making within your boundaries. Okay. Number five, and this is a hard one for a lot of parents, is to ditch the yelling. That never serves anyone. It doesn't serve you or me. Um, and I think I've shared before, I, I wasn't much of a yeller. When my daughter was younger is really when she got in the, the fighting teen years that became, our new style and that we had to put a, a big curb on that too. But if we can really reduce that because yelling overwhelms our nervous system, I, I never feel good if I, if I yell when I lose it and it makes their. Nervous system, you know, that fight or flight and, and then it's harder to listen. It's harder to reason. It's harder to learn, like you're trying to connect the dots. Now if there's danger, danger, danger, then of course you have to yell from across the room or something. But we're gonna keep those to minimum super dangerous things. But if we wanna gain their attention, get down to their level, even whisper. Whispering is always intriguing to kids, and, and it makes them kind of stop in their, in their, in their whole movement pattern and turn and listen, like she's whispering in my ear. Right? That's, that's a, a good way to get their attention. But yelling isn't conducive to anybody at this sage. Number six would be to help them. In that that task help them learn at, it's scaffolding, which I talked about in a few episodes earlier that even your little, little ones, pull them into the task of whatever you're doing and get them to help you. whether it's in the kitchen with stirring or pulling the, the green beans or throwing the trash away, or zipping the, the zipper on the, on the zip lock, or, pushing down the lid or snapping the lid or opening the refrigerator. All of that. It's good motor planning, good following directions, good steps, right? Put this in the fridge and then put this in the trash, two step directions, those kind of things. But it's also helping them to buy in. And I talk a lot about that here, but, but these are ways to really help reduce, because if we hone their ability to listen, to follow through. To, to take directives from us. Guidance. Really? Then they're used to that, and so when I say, no, honey, you can't touch that. That's, precious or dangerous or fragile. It's not a big deal to them because they're used to getting directions from us and redirections in a soft tone that that is positive and reinforcing. Number seven on this list is to give them time warnings. And again, this isn't rocket science, everybody knows this cognitively. You see it in, you know, preschool settings and church, school settings and, and all of that. But transitions are one of the hardest things, especially at this age, but well into middle school and high school too. But. But if we can give them that warning and help them teach them, what, five more minutes or 10 more minutes feels like that, that's equivalent to, you know, two more slides. You can walk up, slide down, walk up, slide down. That's your five minutes. And. And if they're used to that, whether it's getting ready for dinner or in five minutes, we're gonna take a bath, or in five minutes you're gonna clean up your toys and we're gonna have to, you know, go pick up Aunt Susie at the airport, whatever it is. But if you're using those, those warnings or structure times, then you're, you're helping them. Tune in to the time of the day. And, and they also, and this is a key, they also then respect your word. They know that you're gonna follow through. Five minutes isn't that long and we're gonna leave. So I, I don't. Ever advocate for, you know, empty threats? Or five more minutes? Or five more minutes. Okay. Five more minutes. Okay. Okay. I'll come back in five more. No, you have to follow through because then they really believe what you say. And if we don't wanna say no all the time, stop that all the time, then we have to follow through with the little stuff. Consistency, follow through. Trusting in our word and trusting in our relationship. That's what you're building with a two, three, and 4-year-old. So number eight would be, believe it or not, to say less. Yeah, that's, that's a big one for a speech pathologist. But seriously, sometimes even I catch myself over explaining. Or especially if they're starting to melt down, I, I say to myself, 10 words or less, or sometimes just five. we have to say shoes on time for bed. No more jumping. It doesn't have to be yelling. It doesn't have to be threatening. It doesn't have to be, um, harsh. It just simply has to be, this is factual. Put your shoes on and own it, and they will feel that vibe of yours. Like, oh, okay, she's, she's legit. Right? But less, especially in those trying moments where you're trying to get out the door or you're trying to get to the next event, or you're running five minutes late. But less is more. Just leave it at that. Right. Number nine, make it PLAYFUL. Those are my, my three Ps anyways. I, I've shared before. If you're trying to get them out of the park or out of the party, do you wanna hop like a bunny or do you wanna carry my bag? Toddlers love games. They love choices, false sense of control, but you're going to build more cooperation. And I talked a lot about that in a previous episode. And we're gonna stay connected. And it, it's not like we're, we're disconnected. Like I'm gathering up all of this stuff and they're running around like a, a crazy man. Help me pick up, you know, if you're leaving the beach, let's do this together. Mama needs your help. You carry the bag, I'll carry the chairs, whatever the deal is, But make it playful, lighthearted, and have an attitude like of course we're in this together. Right. Alright. And then number 10 is to really empathize with what it must feel like to be a 2-year-old or a 3-year-old. At three o'clock in the afternoon, it's hot and they're tired and they're cranky and they're unsure. You know, try to empathize what it's like for them. So don't rescue them and do everything and don't berate them because they, they're not a 6-year-old yet. And, and that's a fine dance. And when they have these meltdowns before they cross that threshold and completely, meltdown. But if they're sad because they're leaving a play date, or if they're, they're frustrated and tired because they, didn't finish dinner on time, and it's all over now and we have to get ready to go to bed and you can't sit here and play with your food. You know, those are natural consequences, but be with it and say, I, I know you're, you, you wanted another chance to eat your, your dinner and maybe tomorrow, whatever the scenario is. But if they're feeling sad or frustrated, it's like, oh, I know. At the end of a play date, I get really tired and cranky too. I know. I know, but we'll go home. The, the car will be cool and then we'll go home and we'll take a cool shower or a cool bath, and then we'll feel better. But right now it's just like, ugh. You know, we can be quiet in the car, right? But you name the feelings, you empathize with them, you understand. You're let them know that you understand how they feel. Because they don't always have the vocabulary words, right? Especially when it comes to these feelings. Right? They know when they're happy and sad pretty much. Maybe when they're tired, they barely know when they're hungry and they barely know when they're tired because sometimes they run around, run around, and it looks like they have lots of energy, but they're running around because if they stop, what will they do? They'll drop over and pass out. and so you, we have to give them that language so then they can, oh, okay. I know it's, I get frustrated when I have to leave my friends at the park or at the beach, or at the library, wherever you are. And so help them feel it, be with it, label it. And, and know that it's a, that feelings aren't bad or good. They're just feelings. And we will pass through this, So those, those are the primary 10. And then here's a a little bonus tip. they really do watch us more than they'll listen. Yeah. And so I think it's really important, especially at this age, but I think all through childhood that your ability to regulate your feelings, and even when you get frustrated, say, you know, you drop an egg or you drop your yogurt or you make a mess, you're like, Ugh, that makes me so frustrated. I am gonna breathe in, breathe out, count to 10, and then clean it up, and they'll watch you process that. They will watch you own your feelings and your frustration and work through it, and then let go of it. Right. And so, and even when we make mistakes, especially when we make mistakes and we yell at them, or we snap at them own it, apologize and say, that wasn't nice of mommy. I'm sorry. Sometimes I make mistakes too, just like you we're learning together. So here's a little word of. Encouragement. I think that you, you've made it to the end here through our, our 10 lists. And, and I want moms to have these lists to, to think about, okay, how can I make all of this?'cause there's a lot of rich learning going on and I know that parenting toddlers at this, especially once you get through to that 6, 8, 10 month age,'cause now they're a little bit mobile, they have a a few understanding of words. And, and your life really does expand and that parenting is not easy. It's no joke, but you learn to see their behaviors through a lens of development and growth instead of them against us, or us against them. Right. And I think as soon as we look at. Their behavior, their daily choices and interactions as a developmental process. Then I think your whole mindset shifts you as a mom and dad and grandparents that they're working through it. That I, I, I've always said like kids would talk better if they could, kids would behave better if they could. We would not yell so much if we knew how to calm ourselves down and relax if we knew how to create an environment that had routine and a flow. If, if I got decent sleep every night, then I would greet my day calmer and in a more peaceful state. So. I always go back to this, but your toddler is not giving you a hard time. They're having a hard time learning this process. And you, mom, dad, grandparents, caretaker, right? You are doing the deep work of really raising little humans that we want them to grow, to be confident and curious and, and verbal and engaging and kind and loving and helpful, and cooperative, and, and to, to hear our directions and to. Be able to differentiate what's really, really serious from, oh, mom's just giving me a direction not to make any more messes in the dining room. So thanks for listening through all of this for, for really wanting to. To hone your skills. It's, it's a work in progress, right? If this episode gave you some clarity, gave you some encouragement, please take a moment and leave a review because that really does help me reach parents just like you through talking toddlers through HYER LEARNING. I'm now on YouTube. we're getting those videos out because I know we all learn through different modalities, I want to reach as many moms in your position that are eager to say, gosh, how can I do this and love the role that I'm embracing at the same time? And build this remarkable relationship with my little child. And one last thing, always keep in mind that if you're really struggling with one particular thing, whether it's bedtime or meal time, or picky eating, or routines, all of that, then check out my TINY CHALLENGE that gives. A concrete plan that you and I can come up with. It's simple directive, five days in a row, one week, a coaching series where we solve that one issue and you gain momentum and you find like, ha, I can do this. And, and it really empowers you to say, We can face these hurdles together and there's always a solution, there's always a reason why they're melting down or you feel like you're, you are spinning your wheels and I can help you kind of peel back the layers and find those solutions together quickly and five days. Alright. God bless. Take care and thanks again for spending your precious time with you. I really appreciate it. Bye.