What Every Toddler Needs: The Secret to Calmer Days Ep 110

What do toddlers really need?

It’s not more toys, more stimulation, or more screen time. 

It’s something simple, powerful, and often overlooked: a predictable daily routine.

In this episode of Talking Toddlers, Erin—SLP, early intervention expert, and prevention-first parent coach—explains why consistent routines are the foundation for calm, cooperation, and healthy brain development.

You’ll learn:

• Why routines reduce tantrums and improve sleep
  
  
  
• The brain science behind rhythm and regulation
  
  
  
• How predictability helps toddlers feel safe, confident, and ready to learn
  
  
  
• A sample daily routine that you can adapt to your family
  
  
  
• What to do when life throws off your routine (because it will!)
  
  
  

Whether you’re struggling with chaos or just looking to smooth your day, this episode will give you clarity—and a calm starting point.

🎧 Bonus: Learn how to take the Tiny Challenge—Erin’s 1:1 coaching experience designed to help you tackle ONE key area (sleep, eating, behavior, etc.) with intention and confidence. 

CLICK HERE NOW - Tiny Challenge for Moms 

👉 Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share with a mama who needs a reset.

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Download the free handout so you can enjoy summer screen-free—and see what’s actually possible when we parent with intention.

🎁 Free handout 

CLICK HERE NOW - Screen-Free Fun Activities

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Building Vocabulary Guide - get it NOW!

CONNECT WITH ERIN
contact@HyerLearning.com

Website:
www.HyerLearning.com

Transcript

Erin: 0:00

the truth is, and I've seen this over and over again, both in clinical practice and then it's been backed by research, is that when a toddler is uneasy on the inside, whether they're tired or hungry, over overstimulated, stressed, unsure. It becomes nearly impossible for them to learn anything. Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're gonna cover all of that, but here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Today's episode, it's all about routines. Specifically why toddler daily schedules matter so much. This might seem basic, I know, but I promise it's foundational. In fact, when parents ask me for one simple thing that they could do to improve behavior, to support language, to ease those transitions and reduce infamous tantrums, this is it. I assure you. So welcome back to Talking Toddlers. I'm Erin, your guide, walking you through this real, raw, and rewarding world of early child development. When we talk about routines, especially for toddlers, even though routines are important for all of us, but with toddlers, I want to begin with something deeper. Deeper than nap schedules or snacks. It's not about following what everyone else is doing or striving to check off those boxes. It's about making thoughtful and purposeful choices that feel right for your family in whatever particular season or stage you're in on this journey. So for me, and I do believe for so many other moms that I've worked with over the years, it's really about slowing down. Slowing down to tune into the rhythm of your home to build and figure out what's the rhythm for your child. And you might have a couple of children with different rhythms, so you have to navigate that. But also finding the rhythm within your own body. Sometimes there's a disconnect between your kids- and yourself, but I assure you, through mindful and intentional thinking through this process, you'll come up with a rhythm that works for everybody. And I, I typically start with asking simple. But powerful questions such as, is this working for us? You know, how am I feeling in the morning and in the evening? Is this helping or hurting? Our goal for finding peace and continuity is my current situation of. So-called routines supporting the life that I'm, I'm striving to build. And I know it's different when you have a one versus a two versus a three and a four. Yes, every stage will be tweaked. But I want you to think that when something isn't working, that's not a failure on your part. It's just feedback. And it's exactly what I do in, in therapy. When something doesn't work, I just back up a little bit and, and shift, So, so that feedback is really an invitation to shift, to navigate through this, right? To be creative, to build something that. Is working for all of you, and that you are all figuring out what your roles are. I also believe that I've seen this over and over again, both in practice and then in real life, that when we slow down and live more intentionally, we actually allow ourselves to notice those. Those voices in the back of our head, I think they're God's whispers. I believe that he is always. Talking with us. He's always trying to get us to understand how to take the next step, right? What is really healthy and loving and supportive for each of us within this family? I believe that. We create space to hear his guidance, to feel those dunes and to help us stay aligned in this role of parenting, right? And, and how do we create this family that we're striving to build? And that's the kind of parenting that I want to con, to continue to encourage all of you, right, to be brave, to slow down. It is hard when the world is so busy around you, but, but to find courage, to slow down, to be thoughtful, to, to really think about what's important for this special little child that. Is a gift from God. What's what's important for, for us, your partner, if you have a couple of of children, if you have grandparents involved, how does this whole beautiful family system resonate with what we're doing now and how can I tweak it to make it. Better or more healthy or calmer or more successful, right? So today as we talk about routines, we're not talking about these rigid schedules or complicated charts. Oh my gosh, that that's all over the internet, right? But here I want to talk about creating that rhythm, right? About creating a calm, connected environment. Where you have predictable roles and that you have time and space to be together. Because that kind of environment, and I've seen this for 35 plus years, that kind of an environment helps. All toddlers, but especially your toddler feel safe. Right? And then they're available to learn with more ease and more comfort and fluidity, right? That they thrive in finding their own voice and their own creativity, who God designed them to be. That's what I feel. But when it's chaotic, when it's dysregulated. It's hard to find that. It's hard to tap into. Hmm. Let me explore over here and see if it's interesting or not. Right. And, and we're gonna talk about how that lays out in your day-to-day lifestyle. Let's first talk about why toddlers crave routine, and I do honestly believe over the, you know, the last several decades that I've been studying this and working on the floor with the kids and how my life has unfolded and how I raised my daughter, and how even at this stage I still need. Routines. I still need that structure. But let's go back to your toddler. Your toddler may look at times like it's complete mayhem, right? A, a tornado that's running around that may or may not have clothes on, but. Under that swirl of energy, there is a deep biological need for structure, for routine, right? Because that's how we all learn best. Predictability gives toddlers something crucial, and that's security. That's. That, that stability where they can sit in whatever they're doing and be present for themselves, right? It's how they learn to trust the environment. And trust you, the adults who are guiding them in this moment and in each and every day. So yes, routines matter, but not just the logistics, not just so you are running a tight ship, right? But the consistent daily rhythm helps toddlers know what comes next and how they fit in. That fitting in that sense of belonging really helps them then direct their emotional, regulation, their emotional safety and that emotional safety is the launchpad for everything else. And, and I, I've seen this with kids who are just. Trying to organize their life and maybe their, their first couple of years have been chaotic. I've seen it with kids who have neurological deficits such as autism or significant OCD or a DD, all of those other diagnoses. But, but the truth is, if we're feeling emotionally grounded. Then everything else is available to us from cooperation, which is the theme here. Curiosity and communication. Learning how to talk, learning how to listen, learning how to remember and organize and what did I do before in this situation and recall and all of that. So I often tell parents. Routines are anchors for the growing brain, and that's what we're talking about here a lot is how does the brain grow and learn or, or how do we learn to learn, right? Because you have to set that foundation foundational stage. So I, I'm going to continue to remind you that it's not about strict schedules that rule us or dictate to us, oh, we gotta get here. And, and that's, and this is for another conversation, but that's where I am struggling in this. Stage of my career with daycare and preschool settings.'cause those are way too strict and they have this timeline. We gotta do these 13 things before nap. And learning isn't very deep, creativity is very superficial at best. Right. But, but. We want at home. You want to build that predictable pattern. So then they have that flexibility and they can also express or, or understand what it feels like to be resilient. If things don't work out as planned, how can I, how can I, you know, navigate around this? Because when young children know what to expect. Then the world around them feels safer, feels organized. They're beginning to understand, and that that sense of safety allows for predictability and the rhythm, like I talked about, and the gentle repetition. And that's where learning comes in, right? But it also allows then their nervous system to settle. And, and I've talked in previous episodes about how do we get that, that sensory system to integrate and build and begin to understand so they're, they're then available. So routines and, and I've said this forever, but um, at home, at work, on the playground, whatever, routines aren't just about managing the day or managing someone's behavior, I. It's literally wiring their brain and, and they support their emotional regulation, their sensory integration, which alongside is building that trust and creating the kind of environment where, like I said, and I, I'm gonna keep driving this home because I do get this question over and over again, but then your toddler is ready to learn if they're feeling. Anxiety or stress or uncertainty or dys regular here. And sometimes it's, it's physiological, right? Maybe they're having digestive issues. Maybe they didn't sleep well. Maybe, you know, there's a lot of different reasons why they might not be sensing that groundedness that we're looking for, but. It when we organize the environment, not with rigid rules, but with fluidity, then they can find that rhythm and they know, oh, we've done this before. Right? And that there's consistency and it helps them with those transitions. Oh, I know I can come back and finish playing with the blocks. It reduces their level of frustration. And even if they get angry or frustrated that they can't con complete whatever task they're doing. They're, they're available to listen and, and navigate through this. And, and we'll walk through some of those, those, um, elements that you can use. But they will work with you. Right? And, and they really do then. Understand how you and I are in this together, or the family unit we're, we're in it together because I'm important. Whether I'm two or four or 14, it's, I am an active member in this family and I think that that's what routines help. Begin to establish and I do think that one of the most overlooked benefits of routine is how we are priming the brain for learning. And again, it's not about rigidity, it's not about checking off 14 things before lunch It, and I'm gonna talk more about the brain growth and development, but when children aren't. Constantly guessing what's, what's next or what are I gonna do? Or what does she expect? Then their cognitive resources are freed up to learn. And remember, I've said in here that cognition isn't about intelligence or iq. It's being aware of your environment. And beginning to understand how things work, how I work with you, and vice versa. How we can play with certain toys. What does it mean to get dressed or to eat and share a meal together? What does it mean when I say, two minutes and we're going to have to, run on our errands? All of that, that's. Cognition that's learning to understand how this world works and how I, this little person, right? 1, 2, 3, or four, that they're not stuck in this survival mode, right? They're available to listen to you. They're curious of, oh, what's, what are we gonna do? They're, they're open to imitate and learn, oh, this is how I sweep the floor. Or this is how I brush my teeth. All of that is play-based learning, right? It's, it's getting them to work with us, and then we're also giving them that freedom to explore and learn on their own. And it's, it's a process, but they have to feel relaxed in their environment, in their own body, in their working relationship with you to be available to access all of that. So I also want to assure you that routines are not boring and they're not restrictive. And when we do them right, they're actually a gift for everyone. I think they're a way to create. Order in a child's world that doesn't feel too fast or chaotic it and it, it doesn't feel too loud or overwhelmed and it, it certainly doesn't make them feel unpredictable. Right? The, these little tiny beans whose. Been around for 12 months or 16 months, or 24 months, or even 36 months. That's not a lot of time to understand, but it, it gives us months and months and months from birth really. But we're gonna talk about those first six months. Opportunities to, to help guide them through this. Right. Okay, so let's, let's break it down a little bit more that when we create regular rhythm. What you're doing is organizing your day, right? And, and I'm just going to highlight six main points here that what I kind of talked about in big pictures, but I just wanna highlight these so then you can have them. So it's, like I said, it's creating safety, predictability, reduces that stress for you and your child. Um, when your toddler knows what's next, they don't have to be on edge. Or they don't have to guess, right? Number two, building confidence. When your child can anticipate transitions, or say for example, they know after lunch we go outside, it boosts their sense of control. They know what to predict and you can always cue'em up as you're prepping for lunch. And maybe they're like, no, I wanna go outside. Okay, we're gonna go outside. After we eat lunch, right? They're not just being picked up and put into one activity over another that they're really becoming active participants. Number three, it supports better sleep. And this really builds into, you know, consistent sleep schedules, right? Both naps if they're still napping and bedtime. and it teaches the body and the brain. How to, you know, power down and then charge up in the morning. I am actually having, an up upcoming episode on why we sleep, quote unquote. it's based on a book, but, there's a lot going on during those sleep cycles, and it's important that you and I understand what's happening for us, the grownups, but especially your toddlers, right? Today's purpose is really looking at how do we structure our day and I think of, you know, sleep and bedtime and morning time as bookends. They're the biggest anchors that, that we can have in our daily routine. And recently, recently, meaning the last few years for myself, I've really flipped the chart and said, that I set an alarm in the evening to remind myself to go to bed on time. So then I have plenty of my seven or eight hours of sleep, then I can wake up on time. I am an early morning person. And, and I can't push into the night, you know, beyond nine or nine 30'cause I naturally wake up at five or five 30. So it's, when we talk about bedtime routines for your children, it's important that we, we look at the full picture, those both bookends, right? Mm-hmm. That kids with steady, we know this for sure, that kids with steady bedtime routines fall asleep faster. Stay asleep longer and wake up happier. And isn't that what we all want for ourselves and our kids? Right? And I think that alone is a huge gift for looking at routines. And that's why when parents ask me, what's one thing that I can maybe. Start to implement this weekend, or what do I need to look at? What's, what's something that's an actionable step? It's like, look at your routine and start with your bookends of going to bed on a routine and we, we will talk about the details and then how do you wake up, right? Number four is under, what do we get from from these routines is to ease transitions really. Because if you've ever, and I'm sure you have, if you have any child that's in walking, uh, range, if you try to end a play date or leave a party or, transition from the park, and if you just say, okay, time to go. There's a massive meltdown. But if we help them with these routines and that they know ahead of time, okay, we're gonna go to the park and we're gonna stay there for one hour. And they, they've experienced this before and they, they have kind of this. This overall sense of what one hour means, then they'll be much more receptive to, to transitioning away. and it's, it's really about them beginning to understand the sequence of events they have experienced going, say to a play date or to the park, like I said, or we're gonna go outside and just play. At home, but they understand the sequence that we're gonna play, and then we're gonna clean up. And then we're gonna, fix dinner together and then we're gonna clean up and then we have bath, and then we have books, and then we go to bed that they understand. They're beginning to understand. Even a 2-year-old will begin to really understand what the sequence of events are and transitions will deescalate and, and will actually build more understanding through their expectations. And a lot less resistance, I assure you. And, and again, like I said in the beginning, it might seem like this is simple. This is basic Erin. It's pivotal. it, it can really make or break your beautiful child's childhood and your time together. Right? Alright, so number five and this little chronological benefit list is preparing them for change and ironically. When we're have more routines or more structure, it helps kids adapt to the unexpected. because it's building in experiences that have been successful and they're learning to trust their environment, they're learning to trust you. They're learning to trust the relationship with you, that when things don't go the way planned, which they will. But they're more likely to be able to adjust. Say for example, you're traveling or somebody else is going to pick them up from grandma's house or, or whatever. You can share that with them and prep them. And as long as you have. These other anchor points, then they will be able to adjust within these boundaries because they've had a successful, consistent day-to-day. Routine, right? So if we keep these other parts stable, like meals and you know, and I've always encouraged families and I practice this whenever we would travel when our daughter was young, to really have meals and bathtime and bedtime the same. Because if you have these big blocks that are secure. Again, you know, within a reasonable timeframe, 20, 30 minutes. But it gives your toddlers that sense of continuity. They know that after dinner we're going to get ready for bed and then go down no matter where we're staying, right? Whether you're on holiday or not, but, but it's important that we start establishing this so then they, when it really matters, they have it in them. Number five is. And I think this is huge, that it lightens their mental load. And, and this is what I, I mean by. It makes them more available. And I think that this is really true for, for us grownups as well as for them, but that once routines are established or they're rolling along, we're always gonna tweak them, right? The routine for a 1-year-old is gonna be different than 2-year-old and 3-year-old, mostly because they're sleep. Patterns like naps are gonna shift. But once we have a, a rolling routine, you don't have to reinvent, or, let me say that again. You don't have to reinvent each day, right? You don't have to think on the fly or, Or feel like you've missed something that we all, you, you can get more done in your home life and the, and your, your toddlers can feel at ease transitioning and building that sense of independence. And so lightning, the mental load is good for them, but also good for us. It is the rhythm, right? The consistency that carries your family dynamics forward. And if you have to, make less decisions and less chaos and less angst, then everybody's gonna feel calmer. So I want to just at this point kind of zoom out a little bit and look at what the science is telling us about routines. And like I've said, as I've studied this on and off throughout the years, it's, it's applicable to us grownups, to teenagers, to school age kids, but it, it's always best if we start. A as babies and toddlers. So why do routines really matter? You know, what's happening under the surface or under the hood, like I like to say. the science of it really suggests that because routines create that rhythm and that rhythm regulates our nervous system. that sense of, oh, I know what's coming next. You know, after we. Have breakfast, then we clean up, and then we're going to, wash up and we're gonna go on, two errands or whatever the deal is. Go to my babysitters, I have free play, or whatever your structure is. But it helps your child's body and brain together, feel secure, feel grounded, and when they feel that way. Then, like I said, they're open to connection with you. Then they can play, and if you call their name, ah, they can listen. They can hear you. It opens to curiosity, oh, what can I do with these toys? And then it opens also to that learning of communication. Right. Whether it's it's social engagement, whether it's turn taking, they're learning a new game, they're practicing with you, all of that, they're building their speech and their articulation. But if they're grounded, if they feel comfortable. Then they're available, They're neurologically and physiologically ready to learn, and when we repeat daily patterns or routines, we wake up the same time we eat approximately the same time we play, we nap, we eat again, we wind down. Then your child develops what researchers call predictive coding. And, and like I'm saying here all the time is that's what you're doing. We're wiring the brain, we're wiring the neurological pathways to build physical skill, right? Walking, talking, climbing, scooting, all of those kinds of things. But also that social emotional, oh, they know what they do after breakfast. That means that the brain becomes wired. To anticipate and make sense of their daily life. And that predictability, just like you and me, when we know what's expected of us, it creates that calmness. And, and I think that that's why these poor two year olds get, get mislabeled. where you have the, the terrible twos, right? With all the tantrums. That's not. N absolutely necessary. I've always said that threes can be a little bit more stressful, and part of that is because they typically have more language. They have more memory and organization, and they can f you know, cognitively negotiate with you or, or try to navigate their, their. Their wants and desires. So a 2-year-old typically is a lot more redirectable right in in, in my opinion. But this whole predictability and being able to be calm is not just about. a parenting trick or even a speech language trick, it really is neurobiology. That's how we're wired. We were wired, of course, to survive. Right? But the more, and if you think about it, way back when, when we were still, you know, hunters and gatherers, we had to predict our, our day and we followed the sun setting and rising and all of that. But it, it. It provided that calm, regulated nervous system. And then the brain has more space to learn to, to connect, right? To build language and creativity. And I think I've said that three or four times here today, but at, at the end of the day, that's what it's all about, right? The parasympathetic versus the sympathetic nervous system, right? The parasympathetic is the rest and digest. And if we're in a calm state, that's what we need when, when we go to bed, To be in that calm state. That's what we need when we want to learn and grow, but that sympathetic state is, is much more fight. Flight or freeze. And the truth is, and I've seen this over and over again, both in clinical practice and then it's been backed by research, is that when a toddler is uneasy on the inside, whether they're tired or hungry, over overstimulated, stressed, unsure. It becomes nearly impossible for them to learn anything. And I learned that early, early in my career. And you know, the late eighties, early nineties it was, it was as sensory integration was, it was being introduced to kind of mainstream therapy and occupational therapist and a woman named Jean Ayers there at uc. A was it UCLA or USC? Did you know she was the first one that really talked about sensory integration development. if their sensory system is on fight, flight, or even freeze, They, they're not available to learn words or speech. They're not even available to learn how to play. And, and the most important thing, and I think this is what Jean Ays taught me, was they're not even available to quote unquote behave. Right? Because what I finally understood is that it wasn't a discipline issue. It wasn't that he didn't want to sit in the chair or play with me. That it really was an internal state of dysregulation, right? That that sympathetic nervous system, which is anything but sympathetic when we're under duress, that they, they just couldn't get themselves together to listen or to even play. Right, and it wasn't that they were choosing to, to quote unquote misbehave, routines are much more than just, like I said, finding, your checklist or, or managing your logistics of the day. It's really about creating your child and, and it happens even in those first three to six months. It's really prepping them, so then they can attend, they can listen, they can explore. They're ready to practice talking. They're ready to connect with you and learn how to take turns and share and imitate. They're ready to be. Engaged with, right? And so if you take away anything from today, just remember this one thing that a calm brain is able to learn, but a dysregulated brain or dysregulated nervous system, they can't. Right. Your toddler isn't always giving you a hard time on purpose. Yeah, you're gonna have those moments, but they're having a hard time. They're not giving you a hard time. The routines that we can develop help make life feel more manageable to you and your little one, and that's what our goal is always. Because I want to play and be engaged, and that means that they get more out of my five minutes than they will if I sit down and, try to force them to listen for an hour. So let's take a look at what your routine might look like for your toddler. And this is just an example, but there's of course, there's no single perfect schedule. That's what I mean, that you have to figure out what your family, your needs are, your toddlers, what ages he, do you have one? Do you have three? All of it. But let me kind of paint a picture of a simple. Weekday because I do want you, no matter what age they are, to keep it simple. and it will get complicated when they're early or when they're older for sure. But right now depending on, on your child, A wake up time around seven o'clock, right? And maybe they can have an opportunity just to play by themselves quietly in the room. and then you can have breakfast together, right? Talk about your events for the day. What's on the schedule? What, what are you planning to do? Right, and, and pull him in to, to breakfast routine, right? Maybe he can help you prepare it and clean it up together, and you can start to establish that involvement, which really he begins, or she begins to take ownership and. When you're a 2-year-old, you're not gonna completely make the meal with, with you, but they can, throw things in the trash. They can push in the chair, they can, get the napkins. They can wash a few of the plastic dishes. You can give them a choice. Do you wanna set the table or do you wanna wash the dishes? And, it's really getting them in or as you're preparing, they could be standing next to you and, you know, stirring something, whatever the deal is, but make it peaceful, calm, not necessarily rushed. If everybody wakes up a half an hour or too late, then it's like, oh my gosh. Then it's stress and everybody then is on high alert, right? So. Wake up, have a little playtime, have some breakfast together, clean up together, and then you get dressed or you brush your hair or brush your teeth, whatever your routine is, and then you can ask them, we ate breakfast, we cleaned up, now we're brushing our teeth. What's next? Right? Because I want you to start even with a 2-year-old asking them what's next? What do we do? Because you want to pull them in to start thinking again that things aren't happening to them, but they're an active participant. whatever your weekly schedule is, maybe your child's going off to camp, or maybe they do go to a preschool or maybe they go to grandma's house or Monday. Wednesday and Friday is different than Tuesday and Thursday, whatever it is, you can build that up, but hopefully with the little, little ones, you are able to keep them at home as long as possible. That's my new mission. I. Right, but when you're at home, those routines are incredibly important, So maybe on Mondays you go to the library. Tuesdays you play outside and you can look at the sensory bins or the water play or an obstacle course. And a few weeks back, I actually talked a lot about screen free fun activities, and I had a handout, so you can find that link down below if. You want something that you can hang on your refrigerator and and refer to, but there's a link down below. Then it's usually, if you look at what your kind of daily routine is, somewhere between, eight 30 and 1130, give or take. That's the window to play or to do your errands, and again, going on errands could be play for him or her. That they're learning what, whatever the task is, going to the grocery store, going to drop off papers, whatever it is, right? And knowing that, okay, at, we typically have lunch at 1130, right? And that we can prep together again, pulling them in, getting them involved. The amount of language, language based learning, and. being able to, listen to questions and follow directions and organizing their step steps and problem solving that you can provide for them through just everyday activities. That's, that's huge. And then using meal times and cleanup times and organization times, that's all language rich engagement that you're wiring their brain. I. And, and I tell you that that's a thousand percent more rich and meaningful and true learning than even, a 45 minute one-on-one speech therapy session. In my humble opinion, and as I've shared with you, I think, you know, I was a pretty good speech therapist and I had some great sessions, but what you can provide at home from wake up time to lunch. Uh, my speech sessions would never beat that, And so I think the more organized and, fluency through your day, and then they can be, begin to make those predictions. What do we do after we finish lunch? We take a nap. we go pick up brother. Do laundry. I don't know what, what your days look like. You're gonna have to individualize that. we know somewhere around three o'clock after you pick up brother, we have a snack together. Hopefully it's a nutrient dense, avoiding ultra processed food, right? Because we're always wanting to feed their brain, feed their body with whole real foods. And I have a whole series on that, but. You, you also want this snack time as opportunity to share, to talk, to explore together. And you also want that, the food choices, to sustain them until dinner time. A couple, you know, a couple more hours, whether you eat at five 30 or six or or whatever. But the whole idea is then around four 30 or five maybe. Uh, you have a window, and I've talked to a lot of families about this. It's like, oh gosh, it's. Sort of refer to as the witching hour, not quite ready for dinner. You're tired, the kid is getting cranky. Um, but that's when you do something physical. You can have a dance party, you can go outside, you can get the mail, you can play tag, sort, the recyclables, pull some weeds, water, the lawn, whatever you can do physically, hopefully outside as the sun begins to set. Right. But you use that time, whether it's 15 minutes or 20 minutes to do some activity, physical activity to get them ready, use up whatever residual energy they have then for dinner, so they're one hungrier and two settled in their own body so they can sit and share that meal with you again and. Of course, bring them into dinner, whether they're gonna help you directly in the kitchen or set the table or put their toys away, whatever the deal is, but find that consistent behavior so they feel like they're a part of it. then after dinner clean up, pull them in as much as possible. With every year they're gonna have more and more responsibilities. And then it's not all on you. It's a family affair. It's fun, it's relaxing. It's not that. Big a deal anymore because when you, mama and I mostly talk to you mama, but when you have to do it all, all by yourself, and maybe you know, the, your dad or your partner or whomever is in the living room playing with the kids and it's like, and I'm stuck in the kitchen. No, no, no. Right. But then somewhere around 6 45 ish, give or take, take the bath, start to calm down. Pick out your pajamas. This is when you start to dim the lights and, and I've shared before in the past to. And I'll have some links to them, but to dim, use amber lights or Himalayan salt LA lamp lights because you want to model how the sun is setting those colors because that's beginning to literally. This is where the neurobiology kicks in, that it triggers your internal clocks and that that circadian rhythm is like, oh, this is a natural wind down. You don't want the big lights at home, the overhead lights, the LEDs, all of that. You want to, typically, what I say is once dinner. Once you're kind of cleaning up, and even as I clean up my own dinner dishes, I'm always gonna dim those lights, you know, have enough lights that you can see what you're doing in the kitchen, but start that process of winding down, both because the artificial lights. And, and this is a big section of my, my Sleep episode that's coming up pretty soon. But the artificial lights have really caused havoc on all of us, right? Our babies, our toddlers, high schoolers and adults. But I think it's really important that, for a few dollars, you can have a couple of really soft amber lights or those Himalayan salt lamps that I think are great and. And they could be in charge of the dimmer. It's like, okay, we're getting ready to wind down, go dim the lights. And again, they're part of that process. They're part of that routine. And, and I think it's really important that we respect Mother Nature, right? I think God wired us this way for a reason. It, and, and once I started diving deep into the whole circadian rhythm and. And internal clocks and how the light into our eyes are affected both in the morning and then again in the evening is pretty magnificent to think, ugh, we, we need to take full advantage of this and then we all sleep better. All of us. Right? But, but the routine then is. You have a story or you talk together in bed, you say your prayers, whatever your routines are, and then it's bedtime. It's it's nighttime, and you turn out the lights and you could have, and I've had a number of families recently where they've kept an amber light on just a nightlight over off in the corner. Once they've fallen asleep, then you can turn that off because you want the room cold or cool, and you want it dark. When they do wake up and every family's different there, I know there's a lot of co-sleeping going on and, and that can certainly be a part of our discussion, but in this routine, especially if you have slightly older toddlers like two, three, and four, then. Once they have transitioned and gone to sleep, just turn off those nightlights. and like I said, I have a whole sleep. Maybe, I think they ended up with two episodes, but it will launch next month, and this is a perfect time for me then to share with you all that after three years on this podcast sharing my. Personal and professional and expert advice Through talking toddlers. I'm thrilled to finally announce that we're launching our YouTube channel. So each week you'll find my latest episodes in the video format designed to help you feel more confident, more informed, and really more connected. I know that YouTube is a great resource to a lot of people. I know it is to me. And I have a number of the videos that we're uploading and formatting just for YouTube. So whether you are a new mom or you're just a curious caregiver, perhaps you're a great grandparent and eager to jump in. jump on over to YouTube, watch, learn, and Grow Together. And don't forget to subscribe. Oh, the YouTube channel is actually called Hire Learning, which is my business name, and that's spelled HYER. Hire is my last name. Hire Learning, and. Under there, you'll ha you'll see the podcast, both the audio format and the video format, but don't forget to join my email list, because there will be, exclusive tips and tools in the future. And that link will be down below too. So just to kinda wrap all of this topic up routines. I do want to include that sometimes summer can be more challenging because we have longer days, but, um, a as this is published, the days will start to get shorter and sh shorter because of the solstice, but also looking at. Weekends sometimes can have a different rhythm to it. We still want to keep those bookends pretty solid, right? Our, our wake up and are going to bed. And that, that's really important what happens during the day and those structures. But I think meal times are pretty solid and sleep times should be those big, big anchors. but. But be willing to tweak it and, and be flexible. The more they experience these routines and more begin to understand, then they will have more flexibility if something's different. Again, like I said, if you're traveling or you have people visiting or you're going to an extra outdoor party or whatever the deal is. Sometimes dinner will run later, sometimes naps will shift. All of that is okay. The most important part is that you're finding some consistency. You're building those patterns, not perfection, right? That, that, it's really, like I said, you have those anchors and, and then you can wiggle between them. So. One final thought that I, I want you to kind of walk away with today is that predictable rhythms really make your toddlers feel grounded, feel safe and secure. because of that, then that really builds. Their ability to cooperate, and then that cooperation makes your day to day much more peaceful, much more fluid. Yes, it's gonna be noisy. Yes, it's gonna be messy sometimes, but even in all of that it, it's laying the foundation for them to be available to learn whether they're learning. About puzzles or, or, or how to cook with you, or how to make their bed or how all of it, all of that rich learning through language, improving their behavior, building relationships, that emotional regulation that. It is kind of a buzzword nowadays, right? Oh, my child is sensitive. Oh, he's, he's just cranky. That's just his personality. I think there's a lot of environmental factors going on. Right, and the key here, because I'm always looking at it through the neurobiology, is that. Learning this stuff don't just, they don't just happen, right? It doesn't just develop on their own. They're actually, and, and somebody a long time ago said that brains aren't born, they're built right. And, and cooperation and understanding, that's built over time, day by day, event after event. And it's through these ordinary moments of your daily routine. That they learn how to brush their teeth, that they learn how to get dressed, that they learn how to wait in bed because nobody else is awake yet. That they, they learn that they can play quietly by themselves if mama's on the phone. All these kinds of things is, is, is learned through experience so. If things are feeling a little chaotic in your home right now, then you can just start small. Choose one of these anchors, right? Look at your mealtime planning, look at your morning and evening routine. And I think that that's always the best place to, to start to build that consistent bedtime routine. And it, it will take a little. A little time, a little effort on your part, and you just share with them that, oh, this is what our new habit is. And I can't tell you in the last several months, I've, I've worked with several private families and just some small tweaks with, with even their evening. Evening routine through, you know, preparing the meals together, eating together, cleaning up together, and then, getting ready for bed and bathing and story time, the nightlights, all of that. Then everybody started sleeping better and then they started waking up better, And so even these small wins are really, really powerful. They do. Create momentum. They do create a, um, a building of that and that the whole family begins to benefit. And that's, that's what we want, right? We want to build excitement at the same time that we are building peace and a calm sense of self. So Keep in mind, and, and I like to say this, that toddlers aren't trying to test you or even me. And, and I've modeled this over and over again with families in therapy, that they're not really testing us. They're trying to build a trusting relationship, even though cognitively they don't understand that and even though they, they push back. But part of a lot of that pushback is trying to figure out, can I trust you? Right? That routines help make that possible. And so. On a final note, if today has helped you and you're beginning to rethink this and you, you're like, ah, I can do that, then. You know, please share with another friend, another mom who is trying to figure this out in this noisy, chaotic, beautiful world that we live in. But it's, it's tricky business sometimes. And if you are ready to take a powerful specific step forward, then you can check out my tiny challenge that I've launched a few weeks ago. And that in just one short focused week, you and I, we can tackle together a specific challenge that you're facing. And it could be about routines, it could be about picky eating, it could be about tantrums. Speech, whatever it is that you and I get one-to-one time where I can support you we can make a plan together and strategically solve this one specific challenge that really is tugging at your heart and, and I have seen phenomenal. Growth in just one week, five sessions. like I said, if it's regarding screens or sleep or food or you're just feeling like, oh, I don't wanna do this on my own, I, I need somebody to answer my questions specifically. You don't have to do it on your own. I'm here. So check out my tiny challenge and I'd be more than glad to walk that walk with you. Alright, thanks again for spending your Precious time with me God bless and I'll see you in the next episode.