What Can I Do Instead of Screens? Is That Even Possible? Part 3 of 3 - Ep 108

Tired of feeling stuck when your toddler reaches for a screen? 

Erin introduces a list of 10 screen-free activities that are practical, low-cost, and beneficial for cognitive, motor, and emotional development. 

Additionally, Erin provides 9 interactive games that can be played WITHOUT any tools, such as 'Name That Tune' and 'I Spy.' 

These are what’s trending among parents online and  her go-to games from decades of real-life early intervention. 

These setups are simple, sensory-rich, and perfect for building language, connection, and calm.

Download the free handout so you can enjoy summer screen-free—and see what’s actually possible when we parent with intention.

🎁 Free handout + bonus invite inside!

CLICK HERE NOW - Screen-Free Fun Activities

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We’ll uncover what’s working, what’s not, and map out simple next steps so you can feel more confident and connected—right away.

This is the kind of support I used to give every day in private practice—tailored, real, and rooted in 35 years of experience.

CLICK HERE NOW - Tiny Challenge for Moms

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CONNECT WITH ERIN
contact@HyerLearning.com

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Transcript

Erin: 0:00

And I've said this before and I'll keep saying it for the next a hundred years, no app, no cartoon, no video was ever designed with your toddler's healthy development as a target or as a goal. It's really all of these, the shows that you and I watch, the games that we might play. It's all just designed to keep us distracted and zoned in on their device and away from the real world. And so I think, moms and dads we are the ones Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're gonna cover all of that, but here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Today, we're gonna jump right back in. This is part three of our series on screen time with your babies and your toddlers. In part one, we zoomed out to show how there's been this cultural shift quietly reshaping childhood, and there seems to be fewer opportunities for what I refer to as real world play, that face-to-face interaction. that natural developmental learning environment, because learning takes place when you're doing everyday things, sorting the laundry, picking up the toys, sweeping the floor, getting the mail, all of that get a learning opportunity. So. In that first episode, we connected with a book by Jonathan Haidt, actually I have it right here. It's called The Anxious Generation, and he really begins to sound the alarm on the increase in anxiety, attention issues, and developmental delays in our young children. And although Jonathan really shines the light on the middle school population, I wanted to bring it to your babies and your toddlers. Because you're always asking and searching for clarity, and here's the truth. Screen exposure in those early years is not benign. In other words, it is not harmless. It is not innocent. I. Nor is it healthy or even necessary, right? It really interrupts the foundational skills that I talk about here all the time that must be developed through sensory rich, real life experiences in real time with real people, real things, and real messes, right? And what I mean by sensory touch and smell and taste and hear and see. And move. So doesn't it make sense if your kids are sitting in front of a screen, whatever that screen is, a computer, your phone, an iPad, the big screen on the wall. That auditory and visual is an overload. So we moved a little bit closer in part two and got more practical and personal, and that's where I really began to emphasize how we can set screen boundaries early on your home with your baby and your toddler and maybe a preschooler. And I know it's tough, but it's necessary. Again, trying to keep it honest. In episode two, I offered some real talk on why you and your children suffer. How to push past our kind of cultural guilt, our cultural pressure to use a screen whenever. There's a struggle or wherever there's an open white space, How can we really anchor our decisions by focusing on those long-term goals, right? Not convenience, but what are you doing now as a baby and a toddler and a preschooler to help support and create that school age child, 5, 7, 10 years of age? So we also highlighted how strong boundaries do create freedom later, right? The building those boundaries and those routines now takes work. I, I am not denying that, but if we can load up front, then life becomes much easier. Once you have established your family lifestyle. So now this takes us to part three, And I hear this question all the time. Okay, Erin, I hear you, Our culture at large is getting more and more anxious, more and more distracted. I need to set up boundaries, but what do I do instead? You know how I and and I recognize that you are probably the first generation to have been raised with all of these screens, and now you're trying to raise your little ones with these screens. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. If you've ever handled or handed your toddler a screen because you have to make the phone call or make dinner, or survive, a restaurant, wait, you're not alone. And I've worked with hundreds of families over the years with and without screens, and I've seen in real time what can happen, how families can be transformed with a few minor tweaks. And we've all been in those uncomfortable positions and trying to quiet our toddler because everybody's looking at us. But I want to assure you that screens are convenient. Yes. But they're not building a connection. And they might distract all of us, but we don't really grow and develop from them. So today I'm going to walk through, kind of give you a quick list of 19 of screen free activities. Yes. There are 19, but they're in two different groups, right? The first top 10 and then nine that I generated, but many of them I've noticed are actually trending on social media as I, as I record this, That many real parents, just like you are trying to go back to some of the basics, But as I looked at them and as I collected my top choices, I realized that they're all rooted in early child development, true science, right? How do we learn to learn? How do we help babies and toddlers and preschoolers prepare for formal education? And I want to understand, and that these are practical, very doable, and often free or low cost, right? I. So these activities literally build your brain. They're things that I have done probably thousands of times now as a therapist, right? As, as a one-on-one clinician. And I've modeled for hundreds of parents over the years. But it really, these activities build your child's brain and your relationship with them at the same time, because that's what we want to do, right? And here's the best part. I've created a handout, just kind of a list of all of these top 19. So then you don't have to worry or stress that you have to take notes or go back and listen again. I just wanted you to have something in your hand that you can start to implement today or tomorrow, you will find that down in the description. Just head there and, and you can have it and print it up and use it or put it, keep it on your phone and refer to it. But it's always nice to have a visual reminder, put it up on your refrigerator. Right. Um, I will try my best to walk through these with a, a little description of each. There's a lot I know. But what I want you to do is listen to these examples that I'm giving you. Then use them and individualize them because every family, every situation, every child, every relationship is unique and different. And what works today might not work next week. Right. But think of them as a great starting point that you can pick and choose what. You are comfortable with what your child resonates with. All right? And so before I start itemizing these things, I just wanna take a moment to use our imagination.'cause I'm always talking about let's build your toddler's imagination, but I want you to tap into that. So I want you to, to imagine instead of your toddler glued to a screen or your preschooler, right? We're starting these habits now you have a toddler stacking blocks or exploring different textures or dancing around the room with a wooden spoon as a magic wand or even a sword, right? Instead of having day-to-day power struggles over screen and trying to put these, these boundaries, these limits on, you have many natural routines that your child actually looks forward to, that you can see how they're building independence. That he's more and more engaged and interested in exploring and learning more. And instead of you feeling guilt, you have confidence and, and comfort in knowing that you are parenting with direction and purpose and that you know why imaginary play is so critical to lifelong learning. So here's the bottom line. You don't need fancy toys, and I've said this my entire career. You don't need hours of prep. I kind of giggle and laugh at when I see both clinicians and moms spend hours and hours on prep. You just need a few little handy dandy tools that you probably have in your home right now and some clear direction. But one more thought I have because I always go back to why, right? Why does this matter? And I think you'll see as we walk through them that the purpose of growing and learning isn't just about entertainment, right? It, it always goes back to building a healthy engagement with the world around you and learning how to connect with others and yourself. And I always have to preface a lot. 99% of what I do is about your brain's, your child's brain development, and really how we as humans are designed to crave this kind of learning, That it's a real world, it's multisensory, it's human powered, and not battery or computer driven. Right? And I believe, and I think I've shared this with you, that I believe that God made man in his own image and that that means we are creative beings, right? God created the earth and all the animals and all the people, and we too are creative beings. And so we need to exercise that potential. Through exploration and trying and trying again and doing and doing again, acting out, using our hands, our legs, our minds, all of that are the tools where we create, where we imagine, and then turn it into real life things like, oh, I imagine, what can I do with these blocks? Or this coloring book? And so the key here is that that's what sensory processing is all about. Using all of our senses, including movement that helps build and wire, right? So when your, your toddler is stacking the blocks or splashing in the water or pretending to cook, or you know, making up silly riddles or nursery rhymes, they're not just playing. And I say that a lot here that. It's hard sometimes when we're grownups and we're in our, you know, second, third, fourth, fifth decade and, and we have divided playing and work time, that's not playing for them. It's really they're building their ability to attend and to sustain that attention, their working memory, right? That frontal lobe, how long can I sit here and play with these blocks? Two minutes, five minutes, 20 minutes. They're building that motor coordination and language processing language that they're using when they're doing independent play and language. When they're engaging with you and, and me and any other adult, and you'll see as I itemize these things, there's a lot of rich language involved and then they're also building. It's not just play, right, it's emotional regulation and learning. How to manage things when they don't go the way that we we wanted or that we imagined in our own head. And then, and this is a topic all of us own, but during this play year time, that those first three years and five years and hopefully for the rest of our life that we all still play on some level, is that there is. Uh, a skill to tolerate boredom, and then that's when they really need to tap into their own creativity, And I have always looked at these skills aren't optional, If we think back about what we want for our children when they're school age and beyond, As a working adult, as a partner in, in a family that, you know, in the future. But we want to be able to attend and have good working memory and good motor coordination, good language and communicative skills, and to be emotionally stable, right? And so all of these things are starting to blossom now. With the time that you spend together, and it truly is foundational to being human, That they grow best when the environment is low pressure, they feel comfortable and at ease, right? Where your kids can move and explore and repeat, and repeat and interact intermittently and with sustained time with other adults, that's where learning takes place best, And so, you know, as, as I read Jonathan's, Heights book here, and I'm doing deep dives into screen in, in a lot of modalities, But I've kind of come up with some, some key phrases, That screens light up their eyes, But they're hijack the focus, Because they once, yes, they can focus. Yeah. And zone in on the screen itself, but it's not really being processed, it's just being, it's sort of like when we eat on the run, right? We just shove the food in our mouth. We don't even know what we ate or how it tasted, and then we get heartburn, right? But it's this overwhelmed auditory and visual input, but real play, that's where real learning takes place because that wires the brain and the brain then wires the body and back and forth. And I've said this before and I'll keep saying it for the next a hundred years, no app, no cartoon, no video was ever designed with your toddler's full healthy development as a target or as a goal. It's really all of these, the shows that you and I watch, the games that we might play. It's all just designed to keep us distracted and zoned in on their device and away from the real world. And so I think, moms and dads and siblings and caretakers all alike, we are the ones that are created to connect and in that face-to-face that real world, right? And, and that's when it starts in the beginning, right? You brought the beautiful baby home and you held him or her in your arms. And wHaidther you're breastfeeding or just holding and loving on them, that's about eight inches and that's the only visual. Uh, field that they have, or six to eight inches in those first several weeks, and that's when you begin to notice their cues and you start playing little soft vocal games and you're doing it so you can build that connection. That's how God designed us to say, okay, beautiful, baby, you are in my arms, literally and figuratively. Let me show you the way, let me slowly but surely expand your environment. And now as a moving toddler, they're mobile in the whole house, right? Or in the backyard at the playground. And we have to help them navigate that with other people and other things smoothly and confidently with, happiness and joy and curiosity. so, Please hear me out. I'm not here to make anybody feel guilty. And I'm sorry if you're feeling that, that's not my intention at all. I wanna help you feel more equipped, more knowledgeable, more, more confident in your choices, right? So I'm speaking directly to you mom and dad and grandparents, because you're my primary audience. and I, I wanna help you if you're open and willing to learn, right? If you're open to try some new things, and try things that aren't necessarily easy, But if you're, you're willing to embrace your role in leading the charge here and making, like I, I spoke with last week about the boundaries and making. Some hard decisions now and reinforcing them. It takes work, it takes diligence, and then you can see the easier path on the back end, right? So enough of the why right now. Let's just walk through the first group, which are 10 real life activities. as I kind of outline these, you'll see that they're pretty common. That you may or may not have seen them in your school, at your neighbors at home. But I want you to remember that I, I think I said this in the beginning, and I hope I did that. You don't have to worry about, you know, writing notes or going back to listen. That I, I cover that all in a handout so then you can have it right. And they're not magical, they're not special. There's, there's no trademark or, or anything fancy about them. These are just things that I've noticed that are trending online. And I kind of giggled because I thought, huh, this is exactly what I did in therapy or as a mom, or that I would model to families in small groups that these are things that you can do every day. They're, they're pretty classic, And, but I do see them showing up on some blogs, mom groups, right? Some Instagram reels and, and all of that. So I'm kind of chuckling that I, I hope that you guys are really feeling like, ah, I can do this. okay. So let's walk through these top 10. Number one are sensory bins, and yet it's a pretty common thing, but it's incredibly helpful get a shallow bin, fill it with some dried rice or beans. I typically try, dry materials if you wanna use sand. I have always used it outside because I don't like sand inside my house. But, some people even do the water with ice again, depending on where you live, the temperature and the season that you're in, but a few small scoops or cups or toys that you can use. And even if your 2-year-old only plays with it for five minutes or 10 minutes, you are building their exposure to good sensory input and why this works. And, and for each one of these 10 items plus the nine, I'll, um, give you a snapshot of what I'm suggesting. And then the background, you know, my, my clinical experience tells us that. It, it really helps build fine motor skills, builds their attention span, especially if you model it a couple of times. If they've never really played and, and you've kind of se separated and kept them out of the kitchen and now you're giving them a big bin full of beans, you're like, Hmm. How does that add up? But model it for them, enjoy it with them. Giggle and laugh, and then they will take the ball and run with it, right? But the fine motor, the attention span and the imaginative play. Number two is what we call water painting. Give your toddler a paintbrush and a bowl full or a bucket full of water. Just water, right? And, and I've suggested this so many times where, say. You know, you're not gonna fix dinner for another 15, 20 minutes. You're tired, or you just want to sit and have some tea or something. Sit on that front porch and give them the paintbrush and the bucket and they can paint the fence, paint the sidewalk, paint the porch, paint your feet. It doesn't matter. There's zero cleanup, total engagement. And I've recommend this other one, this other outdoor that I'm just gonna stuff in this, this one is like pulling weeds, Or to pile up leaves. even give them a small rake or a little dust broom. Again, they could sweep and sweep all day long on the grass, right? But pulling up weeds and putting it in a pile. And I remember, I, I have to share this, that when we first moved to Vermont, We rented a big old farmhouse on or within a nursery. And so our daughter was six going on seven, I think that summer. And we really had to teach her where the weeds were, where she could pull and, and not ruin the flowers or the plants and, it was such a blessing to give her that opportunity to just kind of run free. I mean, in the beginning there was lots of supervision and the owners of this, particularly one of the oldest nursery, or the oldest nursery there in Vermont, it was glorious. But our daughter just, I, I just saw this, this incredible imagination literally blossom. Where, she would take sticks and rocks and, and just, you know, create things, wHaidther they were a fort or they were her imaginary friends, all kinds of it. But I did have to teach her what was a weed, or, Moira's flowers and what was, you know, their property. And so you do have to recognize that there's a learning curve. and you can't just say, oh, go pick some weeds. Right? But you can say, oh, right around here, see all of these, and you can match them, right? These are weeds. Um, but it really encourages, Movement, pretend, play, and lots of focus, And you want that movement and you want that sunshine, that 10, 15 minutes before you have to go back in. And make dinner together, And expecting them to, to sit down and focus. So let's, let's keep on going. Number three is a pretty classic one. Cardboard box play, right? Boxes become rockets, forts, cars, garages, anything you want, If you add a few markers or some stickers, duct tape, which I love, comes in every color nowadays. Painter's tape, I love too. you know, throw in some stuffed animals, all kinds of creative things with boxes, right? Cheap and easy. Why it works, fosters creativity, problem solving. And perhaps some story building depending on your child. But if they've played with these and explored freely when they're two and they're the three, then the story building comes natural to them when they're four and five. Right. One of my favorite memories, and I remember this little guy like it was yesterday, he's probably in his twenties now, but um, was, he was just after his second birthday and I was there in my office and I had a bunch of old, not old, but um, empty Amazon boxes and he, and usually it can be kind of tricky when I'm trying to talk to mom, answer a few questions at the end of our session. The little child typically and rightfully wants to skedaddle, right. But he saw these boxes and I just let him go for it. Right? I think there were three or four different sizes. One was very big. But 30, 40 minutes went by and there wasn't one toy. It was just the boxes. His imagination, his his freedom, right? It was safe. We didn't care. It was a little noisy, but it worked. It was a win-win. It. Keep in mind, some of those most simplest, natural, lifelong, spontaneous activities can really help in the moment and look forward to, you know, stockpile those boxes, put'em all together in the garage and pull'em out every once in a while. Right? Okay, let's move on. Number four, a dance party and homemade instruments. Again, my family was really into music and so our daughter really loved. With the music. Um, but you can use, you know, different pots and um, bead tools, right? Spoons, shakers, paper towels, different sizes, make different sounds. All of them. He or she can be playing around with them, playing some good music, let them move their body, and once in a while you can join in or, you know. Cheer them on as you're doing whatever you need to be doing. making a list, cooking dinner, washing dishes. hopefully, during these pockets of playtime, you are not on your screen. And I do always want to remind us that we are not putting screens in front of our kids, but we too are being distracted if we're always on our, on our phone or our laptop or whatever. But the dancing and the music and the beating, all of that really builds that rhythm and coordination, There's a lot of, um, regular emotions going through. When we kind of, you know, dance it out, we can always feel better. It releases that energy and once again. say you're rushed and you don't really have time to pull them in to help being say, oh, mama's gonna fix dinner. You have the dance party. You can be my entertainment, and then you can help set the table, right? So they can still be a part of the meal prep and dinner preparation, but they have to let off some steam, right? So I think it, it's just a win-win situation because you can get your stuff done, they can be entertaining to you and themselves, and then they're ready to sit and be still at the table and share a meal with you. Again, a win-win, you don't have to do all of these things, right? I, I'm giving you this list so you can pick and choose. Number five is backyard treasure hunt. And so what this is pick a few small items. They could be natural items, in your yard, right? A rock, a stick, a brick, whatever. or they could be toys, but they could also be household things like a little red bucket that paintbrush, right? Little small rake or brush or something to that sort. And then you hide them, and maybe with a little guy, 2, 3, 4, if you have an older one and, and a, and a younger one, they can work together as a team. But you know, you only put out two items. Or maybe if he's preschool age, you can put out five items, But here. You know, you set them up, right? You hide the thing, say under a bush, and you, you set them up and say, okay, walk three steps, turn to your right. And behind the tree is the rake. Or, or you could even say, is one of those three objects that we already identified, again, we're doing the working memory, right? They're following directions, three steps. 1, 2, 3. Now look behind the, maybe there's a bush, maybe there's a chair, maybe there's a tree behind the tree. And what do you see? So it's really boosting their listening. Following directions, sequencing, what do you have to do first? And then next, right? There's some gross motor, right? Walking, maybe they even have to crawl under a bush and find the paintbrush. a lot of good different opportunities to listen to directions, And it could be really concrete or more and more elaborate depending on their skill level. But there's some movement and you just have to do this a few times to make it playful. Number six would be, I think I used to always call'em busy boards, right? So You can make, have a big board where you can have Velcro or you can glue some zippers on there, screw in some latches. So they're busy hands. Again, we're thinking about toddlers. 16 months, 18 months, 24 months, 30 months, all of these, and they're fascinated by doing these kinds of things. And if your husband is handy or if you are handy, you can put together this board. I've seen them just tabletop size. I've seen them three by three or four by four against the wall. All kinds of, but that is a great healthy distractor, right? Yes, a phone can be a distractor, but it's not healthy. But these doing something, touching, feeling, exploring, problem solving, it's a win-win. So the fine motor, right, strengthens your finger control your fine dexterity, right hand and left hand. Some cause and effect and building independence. Number seven, water play station. Again, I think this is pretty common, but I want you to have these lists where you can pull from, use a big bowl, a sink, a tub, some cups, I've even, encouraged people to use one of those, Turkey basters, right? You can suck up the water and, and splash it out, Add bubbles for a little bit more excitement. I often hear people talk about, oh, food coloring. I don't ever use food coloring. Even the organic kind.'cause they, they do exist. But that really stains your hands. It can stain stand, um, stain the cement, right? So I typically stay away from that. But bubbles are great. Or just plain water, It teaches, it can teach about volume. You know, this one is full, this one is empty. Fill this up. Halfway pouring is always a good thing because that's working the arm and the hand and the shoulder, thinking through play once again. Number eight is building with blocks and recyclables. Now I mentioned the big boxes, right? But. Just having a bin full of different types of blocks. You can have plastic wooden blocks, right? Plastic containers, paper towels, just things that they can sort and stack and knock over. all kinds of different opportunities to get them moving. Thinking IE playing. And you, you don't necessarily have to entertain them. But I always go back. You do have to show them. Very, very few kids will think of this on their own. You model a couple of times and then, like I said earlier, they'll take the ball and run with it, but though these kinds of building things, putting things together, spatial awareness, patience, right? When things don't go the way that they planned, some coordination.'cause again, we're moving our right side of our body, our left side of our body. We're also exposing them to different sizes. You can have small, medium, and large blocks and boxes, Teach them about open and close, top and bottom, spatial orientation. All of those prepositions that are really, really important. okay, we're gonna move through these quickly. Number nine, which is one of my favorites, an outdoor scavenger hunt. And, what I typically suggest is that you kind of make a picture, and I'm not an artist, so I would just do some stick figures or some really rough, um, drawing of say a rock or a leaf, a flower, a stick. So you can use, the natural environments or you could even put, you know, three rocks and say, okay, I want three rocks, small, medium, and large. I want three sticks, small, medium, and large. Right? I want three flowers, red, yellow, and blue, whatever. Um, maybe not picking flowers, right? But, um, maybe three leaves that are different sizes. So again, you want them to explore, you want them to. Touch the earth, right? And build that immune system of them, of their selves. And why it works. Again, what are we building, observation. Real, real vocabulary, right? Real sizes, prepositions. first do this and then do this sequential order. And it's all about discovery too, that they get to explore in a safe environment you're supervising. when you have a 2-year-old, you're going to walk them through these things. So then when you have a two and a half year old, they'll be able to do a lot of it, And you might say, just, let's do it right here in the, in this section of our yard, And so you have to. Adjust according to their age and their skill level. Okay. So now number 10 are, again, a classic, uh, puppet show or dramatic play. You can use socks or you can just use animals, right? To give a show or to have them come up with a sequence or sequential activity, and it could be simple, right? You sit in front of the coffee table, they stand, that's their stage, the coffee table, right? And one talks to the other and can narrow narrate the whole, production, It's a lot of expressive language sequencing and emotional social regulation. let me just give you an example. It's sort of like you have. a couple of bears, right? Little stuffed animals. And the mommy bear helps the baby bear go to bed. Okay, honey, what does mommy say? Get in the bed. Cover up with the blanket, right? And he's walking you through. Give the baby a kiss. Night night. Mommy walks down the stairs. See you in the morning, right? And so you're, so you're letting them re dramatize what they've done a thousand times. Okay. Maybe a couple hundred times, right? Depending on how, how old they are. But the idea is they're, they're using their speech to language, telling you what the steps are, and they're acting out their real life experiences. So those are the top 10 that I listed in the handout. Don't forget that you can rotate these out. Do a couple this week, a couple next week. Get a feel for what works for your family. What's your home environment, your outdoor experience. You know, I'm here in Florida, it's hot. You don't really wanna go outside, but if there's shade, do it. Do it. Do it right. and remember that it's not about you entertaining your child nonstop. You are giving them the opportunity, modeling it for them and then stepping back. And the idea, like I think I said earlier, is to create these pockets of playtime, That really protect and enhance their development. And then building more and more connection with you. You are. The mother of course, but the first teacher, the first guy, the first playmate, all of those things. And, and these top 10 are, you know, you, you need tools, right? You need some objects. I don't want you to go out and buy stuff. I want you to use what you have in your home and make it natural. Go outside as much as possible, right? We all need vitamin D, we all need fresh air. Alright, so now this next section is nine ideas that I've kind of collected over the years. Some I probably snatched from other people, other moms and dads. But I look at them as kind of talking toddlers approved games instead of screens. And you don't need anything else, it's just you and them. Right? And I just want to share the side thing that. All of these ideas and these activities and how to build a healthy home and nurture your beautiful toddler. That's been a part of my career from the get go. And you know, back in the early 1990s, I was building my practice and I had an occupational therapist and a, a pediatric clinical psychologist, and she was fabulous. Um, but we were all so into play, right? The speech or I, the speech person learned from the occupational therapist and Robin, the psychologist, was, really helping to really worked with younger, younger kids, um, through play therapy. So we loved it so much that we actually created, in the store next or in the space next door, a, a toy store and we called it no batteries. And we had play or toys and play activities and nothing required a battery. And, um, we were really into teaching parents how to be in it with them and, and use things naturally in the house. But also, when you do buy toys, buy toys that can be expanded upon, right? For your, your 18 month old and your 3-year-old and your 5-year-old, Because I think at that time I really began to see the writing on the wall. I didn't realize it then, but one of those, I think it took over a week or so that the clinical psychologist, um. Came to me and, and she was actually driving in from Santa Monica into Pasadena. So they had a good 45 minute drive. but this was probably in the early nineties, I say 1992. And she gave her son like one of the first Pacmen, right. The little video games. And she saw firsthand that, how he got obsessed with it and, and combative with himself, combative with the scores. And she's like, oh no, this is horrible. I can't, I can't let my son, get outta control like this. And she's like, I'll show him, I'll show him that you could play a little game like this and then put it away and be disengaged and move on. Right. That, that transition period. Nope, less than a week. Maybe a couple of days Robin came into me, she was. Devastated. She's like, I started playing that game and I got just as hooked as he did. I became obsessed with beating my own score, beating other people that I didn't even know on it. It was crazy. And she's like, this is a royal failure. And she had to end up taking away from him because it didn't serve him. And she knew what he was feeling inside and, and I was stunned, really, because Robin was this tiny, petite, sweet, gentle soul of a person. I mean, and she's like, Erin, I've become a monster. So again, in the early 1990s, I had no idea what was coming down the pike, but I saw the writing on the wall and I thought, holy moley, we better help these parents remind them selves of what real play is, So now, you know. 2025, and we have these smartphones in the back of our pocket 24 7. and so let's just run through some of my ideas of where you don't need a toy, you don't need a bin, you, you just need you, right? And maybe a little plan of ideas. Um, let's, let's walk through these nine. And I do see some of these trending online, especially when you have a two or 3-year-old and you're waiting in a restaurant, right? Or you're waiting any place publicly again, you just need to kind of be in it with them. Uh, playful voice from time to time and a really positive, playful attitude. Okay, so the first one, the, these nine items that we're gonna outline that's in your handout, is what I call, name that tune, So you hum a familiar melody to them, such as Twinkle, twinkle Little Star, right? And don't Laugh at Me, I'm gonna do it here, but Right. And you keep going. You do it. I don't even know if it picked up on the mic, but you keep doing it slowly and deliberately, And there's a rhythm to it. And let your toddler guess. And if he doesn't guess, you can hum it. And then you can maybe say the first word, twinkle. Right. But it builds a lot of auditory memory, auditory attention, some rhythm. And I, I know I've shared before that speech and language and movement and, and motor development. Our brain is this timing machine. And so when you are maybe looking at two different, or contrasting two different nursery rhymes, and you go, you know, Hmm, there's a beat to it, right? Versus that's twinkle, twinkle, uh, versus, you know, happy birthday, right? So it's a little bit the tempo. You could slow it down, but the idea is that there's a rhythm, right? There's a tempo and all of that is really good auditory training. And, and it's fun and it's silly. And even if they're. Not understanding what the heck you're doing. You can kind of do it with your partner or with an older kid and they'll join in, right? But it's, it's good listening training in a fun, playful manner. Alright? The second little activity in any kind of waiting environment, but mostly at restaurants because you're sitting down, it's called what's missing, right? And depending on the age, you can start with two things or three things. But you place a couple of very small items and you could get things from your, your purse, right? You know, chapstick or your glasses. Um, or you know, you put a spoon down there, you put a little packet of sugar and, and you label them, right? So you're prepping them, making sure that they know the vocabulary and you say, oh, a spoon. To eat, right? Sugar for, to sweeten your tea, right? Um, chapstick for your lips. So you're demonstrating it, they're feeling it, they're getting the language, but they're also getting the function. Um, and then you cover it with a napkin and you sneakily, right? You take one away, don't let them see, of course. And then you're like, then get them engaged by allowing them to move the napkin, right? And then, oh, what's missing? And you go over what's there, right? You bring their attention, oh, here's the spoon, here's the sugar packet. What's missing? Right? And, and if they don't get it and you say, oh, what's that thing that goes on our. Right. Again, lots of rich language. You're asking them questions, they're doing stuff. It really boosts their attention and attention to detail. Right? You're giving them a lot of language load, early problem solving some, some front lo or front low memory. It's not immediate memory, but it, it's short term, right? You're just doing it within a win a minute or two. It's not long term, but it's also gets them engaged without the screen. Right? It's one of my favorite little exercises, and I've done it as a therapy tool. I've done it with kids in a restaurant, my kids, my friends', kids, all of it, right? Alright, so number three of these nine. Is what I call, who am I, right? So you, if you can move about, like if you're waiting in the front for the restaurant, um, or I used to do it in car washes, you can act out like an animal, But usually it's description, and later on you can have your child guess questions to kind of figure out, like you can say, oh, I'm an animal. And then have them guess, okay, is it an animal that lives in the jungle? Is it an animal that lives in your house? Is it an animal that lives on the farm? But in the beginning, you give them those clues, right? You say, okay, I'm thinking of an animal. It lives on the farm. So the first thing is you wanna do this kind of little brain dump. Tell me all the animals you know that live on the farm. And he'll say, oh, is it a pig? And I'll say, no, it's not a pig is. Bigger than a pig, right? And they'll say, think of an animal that lives on the farm that's bigger than a pig. And again, if they don't know how to generate these on their own, you can list them out. You can have like a little uh, word sheet, right? But you can draw pictures. Um, so he could say, oh, it's bigger than a pig. Is it a horse? And I'll say, no, you can't ride this one. You ride a horse, but you can't ride this one. And maybe they still don't know. So now you give them another clue. This is a big animal that lives on the farm and gives us milk. Voila. It's the cow, right? So again, you just kind of create these things on the fly. Use as many. Uh, variables or tools in your immediate vicinity. Also, you know, pull in all the books and all the toys and all the activities that he's done at home so he can really use that and practice, right? It's teaching categorization. We're gonna think about only the animals that live on a farm, right, that are different, that live in the zoo or in the jungle, or in the water, right? So you, this is all prec categorization or early categorization. There's some curiosity, right? You kind of get into it. I'm thinking of an animal that lives on the farm, right? There's some anticipation and a lot of expressive language and receptive language, of course, because he has to listen. Alright? So that was number three, number four, is. To touch something that is right. And so here again, some categorization. You can look at colors, you can look at different textures or functions, right? Touch something that is soft. So you know, it might be the napkin and you might strategically put things in front of them, a plate, a spoon, a napkin, touch something that is red, right? Maybe the napkin is red. So again, what you're trying to do in these little pockets of play and pockets of learning, wHaidther it's five minutes or 10 minutes, or even 15 minutes, play these different games to get them engaged and to help them. Use this time wisely. Um, you know, so like I said, if you're waiting at a restaurant, yeah, I used to do it all the time in the car wash in California, a doctor's office. I hope you're not having to wait there very often, but any kind, waiting, waiting. Even if you're in the grocery store line, you can look around, okay. Point to something that's red, Or if they're not in the cart and they can walk around a little bit. or if you're at the front of the restaurant and you're just standing around with, you know, two or three other groups and you're waiting for your name to be called and they're moving around, then you can say, point to meaning. Touch. Touch something that goes on your feet. Shoes touch something that we sit on. A chair, right. Touch something that is round right. And maybe there's a little picture over there or you know, would, um, some kind of emblem on the table there. You know, look around, do you see anything that's round or that's hard or soft or brown or all of those different characteristics, or features that you can help them listen, sort the environment and then move if they can. Otherwise they're just pointing. Right? But as you know it, it's building vocabulary. Vocabulary vocabulary. Some sensory awareness, Something, you know, you can look around something that smells good, could be a flower. Versus, coats that are hanging up there. All kinds of different features. Be creative in your own mind. Don't be shy. Right? Alright, so number five of these nine is a shape hunt, again, is very similar, but now you're just looking for shapes. triangle, circle, big little, say, a black circle. Say there's a whole bunch of circles and say, oh, where's the black circle? Or where's the shiny circle? Right? So you're putting two features together. It's and if you're walking through the store and you can say, okay, we're gonna point out all the triangles. We see why we go shopping. Right. Oh, there's a triangle. There's a triangle. There's a triangle, And we can maybe count'em up. Oh, number seven, there's a triangle, right? Again, you're getting them engaged, being in the moment. You're not just dragging them through the store and waiting in line and you know, we'll be out in five minutes. We'll be out. And that's when the iPhone goes into your kids' hands, right? So instead, we want a lot of early academics as not real academics, but we're categorization and seeing how things fit together in these different groups. A lot of visual processing, a lot of sorting. Lot of thinking, holding on to short term memory issues, right? So number six would be the classic of I spy. Again, very similar. Um, but you can do this in the car quite a bit. And that was my, one of my daughter's favorite, favorite favorite, even like all the way through high school, I swear. Um, but colors, textures, and then you can also use letter sounds and that's something for a different conversation. But, if you're standing outside some place and, or even, at a stoplight and you say, okay, I spy something that's flapping in the wind, you know, there's a flag, it's flapping in the wind, right? Um, or I spy something that's shiny. And maybe the, the truck next to you have a big shiny spot. again, bringing their level of awareness up into the environment, their immediate vicinity, engaging with you, listening, thinking, and trying to be a part of this playful exercise. Right. And these types of situational awareness really does, builds that language like I was talking about, builds attention and if they're looking over here, but you want them to look at the vehicle on your right, you say, oh, on the other side of the car, look over here. give them cues, make it fun. Make it successful. Right? Don't make'em work too hard. Make it lighthearted. number seven, and this is one of my favorites and it's classic as a therapy, exercise as well, but it's what we call like what is different, Or odd man out. And so you can do it by writing on a piece of paper or think about the hierarchy of, of the cognitive skills with children that. using objects is easier than using pictures. so maybe around, two to three, they can really look at a busy picture and be able to point things out. But up to that second birthday, objects are a little bit better. Better because they can feel it. They can, they know they're familiar, wHaidther it's chapstick or a spoon or a napkin, they can familiarize their, and again, that's very similar to why the flat screen watching a TV or iPad or whatever, or even a little iPhone doesn't have that visual depth. And so true learning isn't going on. They might, like I've said before, pick up a few vocabulary words or a few songs here and there, but that's just rote memory. It's not engageable, it's not. uh, long-term stored memory and yeah, I mean, they might memorize it, but it's not necessarily stored in, in the area where then they can use it and reference it and have flexibility according to the environment, right? So, and that's an another kind of neurological development that we can talk about at a later time. But just remember the hierarchy is if you have, a 16 month or even, a pretty smart one or 2-year-old, you can put two things on the table, the napkin and the spoon and say, where's the spoon? Where's the spoon? but for this one on what is different, you are going to get objects in this case. Um. And place them on the table, maybe cover them up with a napkin and then take it off, right? Make it dramatic, make it interesting. And you have two spoons and you know, a salt shaker and you say, which, here's a spoon, a spoon, salt shaker, which one's different or which one doesn't fit? So those, that negation scooch up here, um, that negation is a different kind of language processing. Um, and so it's important that kids can begin to understand how these two are the same and this one's different. And it's a great exercise for kids starting at around two. You might have to handhold them through that, but it's, it's a great fun little. game, and yes, it's, it's visual discrimination, but it's also language discrimination because when the objects are a little closer, so you have say a spoon, spoon and a fork, they're all utensils, right? You, we use them all for eating, so they're part of the same category, and that's a little bit more cognitive maturity needed for that. Okay? Number nine is simple riddles, And so, again, I did this a thousand times in the car. It's a great car game, but you can do it anywhere when you're waiting, And you can say, um, okay, I'm thinking of something and it has wheels and it goes beep beep, a car or a truck, I'm thinking of a furry animal. Get there going, right? They're pumping. Okay, let's think of all the furry animals that says Meow Cat, right? So you want to give them more language load you like when they're really, really little, right? 10 months, 12 months, 14 months. You might say, what says meow? But now you're gonna put two characters or two features together, right? It's a furry animal and it says meow. Or you could say, I'm thinking of an object that's long and skinny and we use it to write. So giving gestures with the words also helps them, again, depending on how much support they need, right? Or I'm thinking of an object. In the bathroom that we use to clean our teeth, right? So you're giving them the language load and it's important that you, we exercise the, the length and complexity of our language. So you're literally working out the muscle, right? Okay. Um, those are just some quick ideas, but it really boosts attention, comprehension, and some abstract thinking, right? They're having to put these features together cognitively and say, Hmm. Okay. so The last one is a basic one, right? The hidden in the hand kind of thing where this is for that 12 month old, or that 14 month, because I'm putting this one in there because I see so many little, little, little children. With the screen in the baby car carriage. Or you know why mom's shopping and she's holding her. And I'm like, whoa, no, please don't do that. Right? But so if you're waiting in the restaurant or wHaidther you're waiting for the server to come, or you're waiting, you know, for the check, whatever, take a little thing. Okay, look, it's in this hand. It's not in this hand. Let's mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix. Now guess. And if they don't know what you're doing yet, right? You say, oh, let's check that one. Ready, set. No, it's not there. Okay. And the mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix. And you might go to that one again, right? Check that one. Ready? Set. Huh? There it is. Right? You know this game. But I'm pointing this out because even when they don't have a lot of language or a lot of cognitive life yet, go back to the basics. Do you know peekaboo? If you have to sing silly songs quietly, if you have to, right? So many things that you can pull your toddler in, your babying toddler, because a 1-year-old is just barely a toddler, right? They're just starting to to walk upright. But it's important to not go there at all. Right? And these kinds of games are really building their attention, building the basic idea of object permanence, I know I have an object that's in this hand or this hand, But I can mix it up. It's gotta be here. And if they're like, oh, where is it? And you say, oh, there it is. It's gotta be in one of these hands. You're building their understanding with very, very, very simple innocent activities. And so, I wanna assure you, I know that these games are incredibly simple and they might, you might be scratching your head saying, Aaron, this isn't really rocket science. This isn't really special speech pathology, or neuroscience, or any of that. Nope. Because you, and I've said this a million times, that 1-year-old, 2-year-old, 3-year-old, even 4-year-old, that's exactly what they need. They don't need a screen bombarding them with, even if it's educationally titled right. They need simplicity. They need games that they can engage with you, right? To build their real life attention, their real life communication, and build it in this trusting, warm, playful manner, right? Because that's what they're, when you're waiting for a table or waiting in the grocery line or driving in the car, you wanna connect with them because you're telling them through your attention and engagement that I see you, you're important to, we're in this together. I'm inv, you know, I'm inviting you and you are playing with me. And that that's the message, right? Because you can, like I said, you can do these anywhere in the car, at the dining room table, and I would suggest that you practice actually at home. Maybe if somebody is getting the the food together, play one of these little games at your own dining room table in their highchair. They get used to it. Or play one of these little games after you've already eaten and they're happy and settled, right? You can play these games while you're folding laundry. Oh, I'm looking for something blue. I'm looking for something that we put on our feet. Again, you're bringing them in with language. They're compartmentalizing and learning. Through categories and sorting. Okay, put all of the dark clothes in this pile. Put everything that we wear to bed to sleep in, in this pile using natural everyday act or life activities playfully so they can learn, right? So think of these moments, these pockets of play and language and engagement. They're not just fillers, you're not just buying your time. This is really a toddler's curriculum, and I've said this over and over and over again over my career because parents sometimes have pushed back and said, you're just playing with my kid. I'm like, that's their curriculum. They can't read textbooks yet. They can't do math, they can't write, they can't, you know, study whatever science. I can't really teach them sound by sound when they haven't even learned how to engage with me or take turns, right? Or to share. So all of these play activities is their curriculum. So any of you thinking like, oh, I can't do homeschool. I, I'm not a teacher. And how do you, how do you homeschool your preschooler, your baby, your toddler, your preschooler, your kindergartner, all of this. These are just real engaged language based games that grow the brain, right? Wire the brain, grow the body, the brain and the body are talking together, literally. And, you know, we could talk about, preschool stuff that you could do as a home, a homeschool parent, which nowadays I'm encouraging anyone that is thinking about it look into it. but this is what they really need, And, and keep in mind, I, you know, I ran through them some, I elaborated some not. It's all in the handout. You can get that down below. I'm always going back to why, why, why talk about all of this stuff. Why or how can play lead to higher order thinking, And why I think, you know, I took these three episodes to look at. At the world at large, right? What's happening to our kids across all ages. And then I'm looking at mom, dad, grandparents, you're strong enough and able enough to set those boundaries. And now what can I do instead? Because I wanna take a moment right here as we kind of, you know, put a bow on it, so to speak, is I wanna slow it down for a moment and I want to do this little exercise. Hopefully you're not driving that, you're just listening, but close your eyes and I want you to picture your toddler scooping in a big sensory bin, right? Scooping rice and, creating dump piles and narrating to himself and using giggles and like, oh my gosh, what a mess I've just made. you know, practicing words that he's overheard. I want you now, even imagine you are dancing in the kitchen, you know, with your child and then you're, you start cooking and they're continuing the dance and laughing and singing silly songs that make absolute no sense. Or that you are, busy doing some stuff. And it's okay I think to teach your toddler and your preschooler that this computer's mama's work computer or mama's personal computer. And so I'm gonna work here and you can work over there, right? You can, sprawl out on the floor and, build stuff or draw me a picture or write a story, right? That they're focused in their play. I. IE work, right? And you're doing your work. That's okay. You can teach toddlers how to do that, and then they'll come and share something. Look, mom, look what I made, or come see what I built, right? Can you help me put these two things together that keep falling apart? They're going to be eager to pull you in to their play because that's childhood. That's the way it's meant to be. you know, that's what it was before 2006. And the smartphones entered our helms and our pockets and our bags and our cars, right? That's the way it was before iPads landed in those tiny little hands in 2010, and. That's the way it was long before distraction was the solution to boredom. When I was a kid and you were bored, my parents just said, go outside or go to your room. Go color coloring was big back in the seventies when I grew up, but you know, we lived in a small enough town in, in a neighborhood that was safe and secure and so we could go out or go on the back porch, right. Go play in the water. That's what we did quite a bit as well. but today we have to, we feel we've been brainwashed into believing that we have to distract, distract, distract even ourselves. If we get a little bit bored or like, what do I do next? Right. Do you plop yourself down in front of the TV once your workday is done, wHaidther you work outside of the home or inside the house and your kids are down? Do you plop yourself down in front of the TV and distract? Now? Trust me, I do it, but I'm much more mindful of it now. Right. And I, and I try my best to limit it, like Monday through Thursday anyway, to say, let me prepare for tomorrow, or let me, practice mindful meditation. Let me take a warm shower or bath. Let me read a book for pleasure. Right.'cause I lead a, i, I read a lot of non-fiction books. So, but this is how your children learn. They learn through exploration, curiosity, repetition and repetition, movement, and then how to manage boredom. Like, ah, I don't know what to do. Well, you have that box and that box, figure it out and we'll talk about what is boredom, what does it mean, and how can you help them embrace it really, and say, Hmm, alright, let me entertain myself. Because the truth is we can give all of that to them. We don't have to put a screen in front of your, your toddler and your preschooler and your elementary kid. I've watched hundreds of families since, the early two thousands as things started to shift. But I think I told you when, back in the mid to late nineties, when they started putting, you know, little, DVD plates or screens in the back of, the family car. so I've, I've seen it coming. I've known what was going to happen to our, our childhood and our kids and our relationships, but I've also watched dozens and dozens, if not hundreds, really, of families shift their routine and adjust some, do it slowly and change. It used to be okay when we could just unplug the TV and tell the kids, oh, the TV's broken, right? You can't do that now when we have, I don't know, 20 different screens available to them, right? So some people have done it slowly, some have done it all at once. You'll find your rhythm, but I want you to start thinking about that. And one of the things. Or several things that I have heard over and over again with my families is that they come back and it could just be like from a long weekend and say, oh my gosh, he's so much calmer. She's talking more, partly because I'm listening more. Right? But they're playing together instead of fighting all the time. These siblings that are so close together, right? And then you start to really feel connected to them because you're in it with them too, right? And that's the best multitasking, If you're doing something for the house, right, wHaidther it's cooking or planning or whatever, the million things that you have to do and you're engaging with them and pulling them in, then that's a healthy multitasking and. You know, I recognize that all of these items that I listed out here, it's not magical. There's nothing new. It's not rocket science, it's just basic common sense blended with what human biology is. But I'd like to think of it this way. When we remove the digital noise, and I have to train myself to do this periodically too, I will put myself on a digital detox for three days or five days. But when we replace the digital noise with real relationship connection, noise, like songs, right conversations, language-based games, clicking of, building stuff or mixing stuff, or pretending, storytelling, all of that. When we replace that, then we're giving your child brains the opportunity to grow and blossom and thrive the way that they're designed through experience. I and I, and I think I might be sounding like a broken record here, but Mom, you don't have to be perfect, You don't need 10 Pinterest activities. Pinterest drives me crazy, um, because that is so contrived. You need to be in it with them. You need to find your groove, your routines, your rhythm of each day, your go-tos, right? There's certain play things that my daughter and I always did on car trips. There's certain things that you do, while you're waiting for your dinner table or while you're cooking, all of those kinds of things. You'll find your go-tos, you'll create them in real time. And it's not always that kids remember exactly what you do, but they remember the feelings, right? They, they remember the, the pleasantness in meal preps and that their, their day had a rhythm and it settled them, right? And so what I'm asking of you in this time is to commit to maybe one or two of these and to swap them out. Hopefully, get rid of all the screen moments, right? And just shift it into these screen free activities, Real play engagement. Just a couple, right? I, again, I gave you the handout so you don't, you don't have to guess, you don't have to remember, you don't have to work it out. Put it on your refrigerator, have it there, have a physical list. I, I think they're very common. They've been around probably for a hundred years at least, right? They're doable. I think the best part of all of this is to know in your heart of hearts that you don't need a device to raise a communicative, curious, connected, confident little guy. Right. There are all those Cs, right? But I like kids to be curious, to ask questions. I like them when they confidently step up and start asking questions and connect with other people and, and, engage, right? You just need a few little playful activities, that can help reassure you that you are doing this for their health and wellbeing and you've got this, right? So before I wrap this all up, I just always wanna remind people, because if you have a baby or a toddler, even a preschooler, you're not behind. You're not too late, right? You don't have to do a complete overhaul overnight. Your whole life turns upside down. Nope. Do a couple of things at a time. and your kids will rise to the occasion, give them a couple of days to get the, the new rhythm, But if you start removing these screens and setting up more engagement, they're gonna follow you, So, like I said, pick one or two actionable steps, And right now we're in June, right? When this comes out, summer's here, it's perfect time to reset your family rhythm, The days are a little bit longer. Schedules most of the time are lighter, especially when you have little ones. I know you're already trying to scope out what June, July, and August and September will look like. So I invite you to use these things intentionally, So instead, of defaulting to screens, when one, you need a break or two, your toddler's getting restless, use this time to practice something different, Some old fashioned play engagement. And like I said, you can practice these things at home, so when the next time you go to the restaurant and have to wait, he's familiar with it, here's. Another good option if you are feeling overwhelmed, if you want someone to walk with you, I want you to consider my tiny challenge, It's an opportunity to work one-on-one with me for just five days, for 30 or 40 minute calls where we pick one thing that you're struggling with. It could be screen time, it could be meal time, could be playtime, routines, or sleep routines, all of that. We'll just pick one and we'll work together. We'll create a doable plan that you can implement ASAP and really feel and see changes within, a day or two or three days at most, Because. Your toddler isn't waiting for you to figure it all out. They're in it with you as much as you are in it with them. And every day's a new day to start afresh. So think about what can you do in five days that can help you move that needle. and you've got this, right? Thanks again for spending your precious time with me. I always, always appreciate it. God bless, and I'll see you in the next episode of Talking Toddlers.