Want Your Toddler to Talk More? Start at the Table

If you’re wondering how to help your toddler talk more, you might be overlooking one of the most powerful (and simplest) tools you already have—mealtime!

In this episode of Talking Toddlers, we’re diving into why shared meals aren’t just about food—they’re about connection, conversation, and building the foundation for strong communication skills.

I’ll break down:

• Why mealtime is a natural opportunity for boosting language development.

• How eating together fosters attention, listening, and social engagement.

• The hidden ways distractions (like screens) can interfere with speech and connection.

• Simple, realistic ways to create a mealtime routine that encourages talking—without stress.

Whether your little one is just starting to babble or already putting words together, how you share meals can make a lasting impact. 

Tune in and discover how this one simple habit can help your toddler thrive!

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Transcript

Erin: 0:00

Food is a natural way to pass down. Family values or your traditions, or your history, right? How children learn, social norms, manners, patience, turn taking, listening. And I remember in my practice, I would talk over and over with, with parents of trying, they're trying to get kids to, Hello and welcome to Talking Toddlers where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're gonna cover all of that, but here our goal is to develop clarity because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities, so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind, he's thriving. Through your guidance, we know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. If I told you there's one simple habit that can boost your toddler's language skills, strengthen their emotional security, and then set them up for a lifetime of social confidence, would you believe me? Well, it's not a fancy toy. It's not a special app, and it's definitely not screen time. It's something us humans have been doing for thousands of years. But modern parenting has slowly drifted away from it. I'm talking about family mealtime. Yep. You heard me, right? Today's episode, we're diving into why sitting down and sharing meals with your little one is far more than just eating. It's actually a powerful foundational experience that shapes their language, builds social skills, and overall growth and development. And here's the best part. It's never too late to start whether your baby is just beginning solids and just beginning to sit in the high chair, or your toddler is running in circles around the kitchen or the living room, and you can't get him. To sit down, you can start Today. I want you to step back and really listen and think about how important mealtime is because it will help your toddler talk more, connect more. Thrive. But before we dive into today's main topic, let's just recap where we've been in this whole series. Remember, it's a three part series and this is part three. The overall title has been Beyond Puffs and Pouches because it's all connected. In part one, we uncovered why food choices matter, and it's not just physical health, but I talked about. Brain development, gut health, and that infamous emotional regulation and what we feed our babies, our toddlers directly impacts their ability to focus, to sleep well, manage emotions, and yes, communicate So real Whole foods fuel the brain in ways that ultra processed convenient package snacks simply can't. Right, the problem. You mom face today is that you're up against a food system that prioritizes profit over nutrition. And so that led us to part two where we pulled back the curtain on how we've actually been misled by this huge, massive food industry for the past century. It didn't start yesterday. Didn't start even when you were a child. It started back in the 1920s with the Gerber family, and then there was a massive push for baby food production, and we then broke down the misleading marketing, the hidden additives and the subtle. Ways that these companies convince you toddlers need special food. Babies need food in a jar or in a bag. Individ, individual packaging, pouches, puffs, squeezable, snacks, all of these products that were made in a lab that have nothing to do with real health and nutrition. The truth is. Our kids, yours, mine, and every kid in between don't need these quote unquote, kid friendly foods they need. Real food shared with real people. And so that brings us to today's episode. Yes. What we eat matters. Go back and listen to part one and part two, but just as important how and who we eat with also matters. So that's how this episode kind of came to life. Meals aren't just about food, they're about connection, conversation. Culture. Research consistently supports the notion that the the decline in shared family meals has a significant consequence on children's development, their emotional wellbeing. And their social skills. Here are some key findings on those three areas, emotional wellbeing. Children who participate in regular family meals report that they feel more loved and connected to their parents compared to those who seldom eat as a family. And then social skills, regular family meals are linked to higher self-esteem and pro-social behaviors. And those behaviors include things like sharing fairness, respect. And then the third area is academic performance. Teens who frequently have family meals are nearly 40% more likely to earn a's and B's in school than those who have fewer family meals together. And although a's and B's aren't the be all and end all, it really shows a strong correlation in a future episode. In the very near future, I will dive deep into how technology's role has really broken this family bond. And, but for today, let's look at a couple of key. Areas. One is the history of shared meals.'cause we can't really look at what's going on today without looking at where we have come from. And I think it's important that we look that shared meals is really a deeply rooted tradition in the human race, right? Why have humans always gathered around to eat? What is that kind of relationship? And we can think about, you know, the earliest hunters and gatherers, right? Those societies sharing food about survival, of course, but also storytelling and building a, a legacy, even if there were nomads at that point, but. It's important to pass down wisdom and strengthen these bonds, so we work together as a family, as a tribe. You can also look at the historical ancient cultures who treated meals as communal events, right? The Roman feasts, medieval gatherings, but family dinners across generations, across cultures have always been part of our. Community. Right? If we fast forward to today, what do we see? We see industrialization kind of breaking that apart, that there's a fast food culture and. This rise in what we refer to as solo eating or solo dining, and I think it's important that we look at the percentage of families eating together has declined sharply just in the last 50 years in my lifetime. I mean, as a, as a child, we always ate Sunday night. Together and then depending on, after school events and stuff. But dinner was always a group event. And I think it's important that we look at why does this matter or does it matter? Right? And what research is suggesting and what I've seen over these last three or four decades is that we've lost this essential space for teaching. For learning and really connecting with our children at any age. I'm talking about babies and toddlers, and then you carry that on to elementary school and the infamous teenage years, right? But let's, let's really look more closely at that social connection. you can look at history and it's been part of our human race, but now let's really kind of tease apart how the social connection and why shared meals really matter in building our human relationships. I broke it into these three main. Points that I just want to cover, we can look at the emotional security and family bonding. Babies and toddlers, and you and I talk a lot about this, they really thrive on predictability, right? They shared meals provide that sense of safety and belonging. There's a routine to it, and research shows that kids who regularly eat with their families, like I I shared a few minutes ago, have a higher self-esteem and a lower rates of anxiety and depression. it is not just about sitting together and then getting up and leaving. It's really about taking the time and the space to engage. Right. So the quality of conversation matters, and you're saying Yeah, but Erin, we're talking about babies and toddlers. You don't go deep with them. But you start there, right? The conversation needs to be important to them and relevant, and they're looking in the immediate time, right? So you need to be present. You don't just give them food and then, take out your phone and start, filtering your emails. it's really helping them connect with you. With a shared meal, with a shared food. Right. So the other part of it is that routine that we talk a lot about, and that if a child has these predictable routine, these patterns, then there's less behavioral challenges usually. There's always an exception to the rule, but we do know that these things correlate quite. Extensively, right? When kids know that family meals happen at the same time each day, it creates this natural rhythm in their world, especially with a baby and a toddler and a preschooler, Toddlers crave routine and predictability. They don't like things kind of tossed at them, right? It helps regulate their emotions, which then. Reduces the meltdowns, right? The transition issues that we talk a lot about. But having some simple family rituals. If you are, a faith-based family, you could have a prayer or you could simply talk about gratitude. What are you, what are you grateful for today? Oh, that we're having green beans and not broccoli. Right? Or that, the sun was out and it didn't rain, or that it is. 30 degrees and not two degrees, whatever it is that you can be grateful for, right? You can share a high or a low. Many families do that, What was the best thing that happened to you today, and what was something that made you grumpy? Whatever the family ritual is that you can try and you can try a little now and. Build upon it later, but building those strong emotional connections really help solidify that foundation, that and that security that your young baby, toddler, preschooler, and beyond begins to feel. And so I, I just remember, you know, examples I've given my family or my families that I worked with, but also in my own home, right? It was always about, okay, tell me about your day. That can be a little open-ended, but that was our routine. And I started, and then my husband went, and then Moira had her chance. But I could say things like, oh. I saw my friend Annie. You remember Annie? Annie is the lady with a nice little puppy named and you can wait and see if they can fill in the blank. Are they listening? Are they paying attention? Annie has a puppy. What's her name? Lucy. Right? And pulling them into that conversation. Or you can talk about, oh, I had to write a paper on. Trees, whatever. You can make it up even depending on your work, right? Whether you work in an office or you work, in a store or whatever it is, you work at home, right? My daughter understood that I played with kids for a living. Right. I would say, oh, I worked with a new girl today, a little girl. She was three years old. Her name was Stacey, and she wore a beautiful yellow dress. So I would be very concrete and it, and yet descriptive at the same time. Right? A beautiful yellow dress. Her name was Stacey. We played with blocks. That gave her a framework, then she could then take my lead or my model and say, oh, I played with Johnny and we built, you know, a tower in the backyard, whatever it is. But you give them that opportunity through modeling, right? Simple. Keep it explicit without too much detail. Right. You could also say simple things like, Ugh, it took me so long to get to the office. I had to sit in the car for a whole half hour. Whatever you're sharing. And the idea is that we're connected during this meal and talking about our day. Right. So the third element here is that mealtime as a cultural and family identity. So you build routines, you build predictability, and then now you can use it. Food is is a natural way to pass down. Family values or your traditions, like I said, or your history, right? How children learn, social norms, manners, patience, turn taking, listening. And I remember in my practice, I would talk over and over with, with parents of trying, they're trying to get kids to, to listen or take turns or be patient and I'm like. That's built around the dining room table, right? to pass the butter or to get someone's napkin that fell on the floor or to listen to the story of how my day went. All of these kinds of social norms are really modeled and practiced. Every single day. But you can also expand upon this about telling stories about your childhood or sharing like, oh, this lasagna is, uncle Bob's favorite meal. Whenever Uncle Bob came to visit, we had this particular lasagna. Whatever the family storylines are sharing childhood memories. Funny stories, recipes, like I just said. You know, it really will help shape and identify your little family structure or big family structure, right? Some of you might have two or three or four kids. I only had one, but the routine was very, very important to us. And yes, you will repeat these stories, you will repeat the same things. But that's part of sharing, right? That's how they're, they're building, and we'll talk about this, their communication and their memory and their organization around this opportunity, whether it's, you know, 15 minutes or 30 minutes. But it, it's really important how routines, predictability. Rituals help set that stage and, and every time they sit down for dinner, they know that they're gonna out talk and eat and share and be. Calm and peaceful together. Right. So the other big piece to this whole sharing of meals is that it does build language, literally, It literally builds their communication system. And I've talked a lot about this and I. Trained hundreds if not thousands of parents over the years, but we can break it down into four major communicative areas. That's how I look at it, because there's language growth, right? That conversation starts with words, And then phrases and sentences. babies and toddlers are constantly absorbing the words. So even in those first 12 months, they might not be. Talking with real words, babbling, cooing, all of these kinds of things. But they're absorbing. They need a lot of rich language in the environment, in this three dimensional world. And mealtime is the ideal setting to give them that vocabulary, right? And so it's very natural for us to use these descriptive words. You sit down, you share an apple. This apple is so crunchy. Or sweet or if you bite into it and it gets all juicy, it sprays on both of you. And you laugh and you say juicy, right? You're teaching them descriptive words. you can look at things like if you, you have soup and there's steam coming up. It's hot. Don't eat it yet, right? Let's blow. And she follows your lead. That's imitation. And that's with real young kids, Or you, you know, if they're a little bit older, if they're two and they have some good language, and you say, is this hot or cold? Right? So you're comparing that. Do you need to blow on it or is it okay? Kind of thing, but you're exposing them to all diverse words, right? And concepts contrasting. Um, you're giving them choices if they're not coming up with it on their own and they're learning in real time, Something that tastes a certain way or looks a certain way. And then you're, you're reflecting back, where did we buy this? You and I. Got this. Hmm. Where did we get it at Grandma's house. Did we get it at the supermarket? Did we get it under our bed? You can be really, really playful with all of this, right? But you're, you're zoning in on colors, textures, temperatures, like I said, as well as emotions, right? Ah, this yogurt with blueberries makes me so happy. Right? They're all in context too, so I know a lot of parents will ask me or or say, oh, he knows all his colors, or he knows how to count. But that is often just memorized, right? We want to know and compare like, oh, which one of these are orange? You know, the orange carrots or the green broccoli, right? And you can play with it in real time. Which color is the same as a tree? You again, a lot of rich language that's involved in whatever you guys are doing at the moment, but then you can build upon that and, and I again, really encourage families to use this, meal prep and then sharing the meal and then clean up as a sequence, right? And, and that's really helps kids understand. That it's not just labeling, but we're building a whole series of thoughts, right? And so I could say, oh, first we eat and then we, well, you can say, clean up or wash your hands, or And you, you can also ask questions like, after we eat, we'll clean up the dishes, and then do we walk the dog? Get the mail, what are we gonna do first? And again, you're giving them choices or you could set the stage and say, well clean up. And then next, filling the blank, but you're pulling them into engaged in real time. And that's, that's the key, right? I think at the end of the day, it's building. An intimate relationship, right? Sharing a meal together is intimacy, and then we're practicing and honing our verbal communication skills, The second key, communication, step here is really building, taking and finding the rhythm of our conversation. And that's really, really important. So meal settings provide or provide this natural pause, right? Where we're take a bite and we wait, and then we answer, or I ask a question. And so there's this rhythm to it. And hopefully you'll get the message that we don't want it to be rushed. Yes, there'll be times where it's rushed.'cause you have. You know, four or five other things that you have to get done before bedtime, but. For the most part, I want you to start thinking about setting the stage where there's a, a, a natural flow to it, and then you can practice again with babies and toddlers and preschool. You're practicing this back and forth exchange, and then you're setting up what a real conversation looks like, right? And they have this opportunity, even if. They're at that pre-verbal baby. They can part by participate, by making sounds babble, imitating you. Like, you know, Ooh, this is so yummy. Yummy, right? Mm, good. Or if you taste something, say, Ooh, hot or. Just building a, a diverse reaction to sharing. But research really has shown us, and again, I've been sharing this kind of information with families for the last two decades, Research has shown us that toddlers who experienced more conversational terms, meaning. Instead of saying, what's this? What's this? What's this? And they're just labeling. But if I make a comment like, Ooh, I love this broccoli, and the baby says, Ooh, I love this broccoli. And I say, do you want more? You want a bite of mine? And we're going back and forth talking about whatever's on our plate, but that conversational turn taking at. The table really builds their overall language skills when they're three and four and five, and, and we really need to kinda look at that quality of, of opportunity, of conversing, So it, it's all about their experience and opportunities, like I said, to practice. And if they're not doing it yet, right, so they're 12 months or 18 months. It's a great opportunity. They're in the high chair. They're. Eye to eye with you. You are engaged with them, hopefully, with your partner or another kid. So it's a family affair, And I remembered the last, oh, I don't know, I guess the last 10 years in my practice there in Vermont. I used to frequently go to daycares and, you know, observe kids or model for teachers how to get this particular child more engaged in the classroom or this or that. But I noticed where daycares were making it a rule to not talk during snacks or lunchtime. And so finally I asked I was kind of breaking the rules and kids were kind of looking at me. If I sat down with a snack or a lunch with them, oh, look at this, whatever it was, um, sandwich. It has, ham and it has lettuce. Let's see which one grows in the ground. Ham or lettuce, you know, and I would ask these open-ended questions or probing questions, and the teachers would kind of look at me, but the whole idea that they had was that they were worried about choking and so they didn't want the kids talking. And so. I was like, wow, this is a great opportunity to teach social skills and conversational flow and, building relationship with your classmates and all of these wonderful opportunities that they were missing. But I also understood that, they had a really tight schedule and, and that was a piece to their, their theory too. Some of these situations I was able to do some teacher training and help them differentiate gagging versus choking. Right? And, and that giving them opportunity to bite food and chew it and swallow it, and then talk and understand again that rhythm of that conversational flow around a shared meal. Some schools were very receptive to that and some schools weren't. but like I said, I think a lot of times it was like, okay, we only have, 10 or 12 minutes, or eight minutes or whatever to rush, rush, rush and finish this because we have, you know, 14 other things that we have to check off and, it got worse. the truth is, I, I felt like. Every year, every couple years it was measurably different that, the pushback with the schedules. And we have to do certain things not only at preschool but at the daycare level. And, and so I think kids were rushed through from task to task and you know, we can certainly talk about. My kind of impression of how daycare and preschool settings have declined over the, over the, over the last 35, 40 years. And that's a whole ano nother conversation, but I really felt like these school settings were missing a huge opportunity to help build communication and social language and team, team building, but, turn taking and all of that. the third element to this whole communication opportunity with shared meals. Is that it does build narration, right? How to tell a story and, and memory and organization, like when you say, what did you do at school today? Or if that's too open-ended for them, then you could say, did you play outside with Joey? Or did you play in the sandbox or did you go to art class? Or did the music teacher come today? Those kinds of things you can help them zone in and recall what they did, particularly on that day. But a dinner table in telling stories really helps kids understand the sequence, What did you do first, and then after you played outside, did you go inside and take a nap? Those kinds of things. or if you, had a play date with your neighbor, you went to the park today. did you swing or did you go on the merry-go-round? but your toddler might begin by saying, swing doggy slide, and just list some things and that's beginning to tell you a story. Oh, I had so much fun at the park today. We did all kinds of things, you opportunities to take their single words. and, and make longer ones, and you can say, oh wow. You went up, up, up the ladder and then down, down, down the slide, right? Helping them expand. He did it. He remembers. But you are building that sentence structure and again. He's in his high chair. You are sitting down, you're at eye level with him. You are really giving them that opportunity to share with you and expand their language conversation. Right? Their narration or narrative flow. And then the fourth. Big element to, to this communication. Learning is social pragmatics and pragmatics is a word that we kind of use a lot in my field, but it's really about learning how to communicate with others. But it's also learning how to read nonverbal cues, And so when we're together in, in a conversation around a table, whether it's just you and your baby, or you know, three or four other family members, like I said, you have eye contact. You can wait turns, you can begin to understand their tone, whether someone's joking or someone is upset, right? You can look at people's facial expressions. Oh, look, daddy didn't like that sweet potato. It was too hot, whatever. but you can really help them look at people and experience, and that's, you know what I said a little bit earlier, it's not just sitting down and eating and rushing o off to the next thing. That's what they do in preschool. We want to sit and spend time together, right? These are critical pre-social skills that don't develop. On their own, and they don't develop with a screen, of course. Right? We need real life experience in this three dimensional world to understand human connection, right? I've always said that the, the human brain is this, clock, right? It's a timing machine and part of learning. Communication and talking is that it has, has to happen in real time, right? He COOs Yuku. Kus Yuku, right? He smiles and as he eats, uh, a kiwi and you like, mm, I love this kiwi too, right? And so you're building and expanding in real time, You can even have more sophisticated social awareness where. A child, your older child, your 4-year-old might notice that your 2-year-old looks sad. And you're, he could say, Hey, Joey, what's, what's wrong? Are you okay? it might be simple that he dropped something on the floor or that he's, you know, accidentally spilled water on his lap, it could be a lot of things, but the idea is being aware of each other in real time and making comment. And where that brings us now is what is the modern challenge, right? We need to look at devices, distractions, and the decline of mealtime conversations because so much rich language opportunity is being lost because we as families. Don't spend time there. They are lacking those experiences because of either our overbooked schedules or the distractions and devices that are literally in our hand or in the background. And it's really important to look at how can we mitigate that live in this modern day. I'm always saying that, and yet reduce the chances of. Of complications, right? Of kids falling off the track or getting stuck and not moving forward. And so in next month sometime, I can't remember the exact release date, but I will be looking. More closely at how screen times and devices have impact early child development. And just a few weeks ago I did attend a parenting conference at my local church and it was called Intentional Parenting, and it was really great and I'll send. Or I'll share a link, a link down below, with this podcast. It is a great family that has really talking about it generationally, but he shared a book that I had already started reading by. Jonathan het is called the Anxious Generation, and it really discusses how today's kids lack essential social experiences because they spend less time face-to-face, right? Those, those human interactions are missing in their day-to-day life, and we're seeing. Elementary school and teen years, those kids are really lacking in those interpersonal skills. and he also talked in, or he shares in this book what happens when kids eat in front of a screen instead of engaging conversations. So we're gonna look at that and, and I've noticed it. My field, I. Talks about it. We speech language. People have talked about it for the last 15 years at least, but there's less eye contact. We certainly notice fewer words are spoken by the time they reach kindergarten. They have less patience. They have a lot of, um, dysregulation, right? Emotional dysregulation seems to correlate with. Your family time. And, and, and there are other elements to it, of course, play and sleep, like I, I talked in, previous episodes. But the point that I wanna make today, and those are for future episodes, is really to encourage you, no matter where you are on this journey to start today, right? Or tomorrow morning. That you as a new parent are in the perfect position to set the foundation to all of this remarkable communication and connection and. As you can imagine, it's a lot harder to break these habits later on, even with a 5-year-old or a 7-year-old. My whole mission here, this online presence is to really get out ahead of it and, and recognize the noise and the clutter and all of this, but to help you, new mom, new dad, new grandparents, keep. If those little ones on track, right? We don't want them to fall off. We want to gain momentum every month, every couple of months. And we could do that by starting now, right? And so here's, here's your challenge. and here's my dream, That you eat one meal a day together, And it can be breakfast. I remember in the 1990s and early two thousands talking to families about make it breakfast if you have to work late, right? Or you know, if you work early, then make it dinner or make it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But try your best to really pick one meal a day. And then the other key piece is to keep all distractions off the table. No phones, no TV in the background. That's all I had to deal with before the iPhone. Right? And then the devices came out, but. The third piece is to make it fun, like I described earlier, that let your toddler help set the table or pick the vegetable or mix something up and then pull them in that conversation. Talk about, oh, you help me, snap the green peas, or You help me find the pretty yellow napkins. Whatever the deal is, pull them into that conversation. But that's your challenge, Pick one meal and let your your toddler help make it fun, right? With no distractions, right? Tho those are the, the three elements that you have to think about this week as you move forward. So as we wrap up this three part series, I wanna put all the pieces together, That mealtime is more than just eating, It is about nourishment on every sense of the word. In part one, we explored why food choices matter. What we feed our children impacts their brain, their gut, their overall development. In part two, I uncovered and shared with you the deception of food industry and how parents, you, mom, you dad, grandparents, can really take back control of the nutrition that you bring home. Right? It's, it's, you're the one that does the grocery shopping. and then today we focused on why sharing meals. it's just as important as, as the type of food, right, it, the type of food will nourish at the cellular level and then sharing this meal together nourishes at the spiritual level because both the social and emotional benefits Come from building those, those family routines, those family rituals and sharing. and what I want you to, to take away from today is that yes, it matters what we eat because real food fuels our body and our brain, but it also matters who we eat with because those relationships, those conversation. Opportunities really shape us for social, social development, emotional stability. And if you really think about it, that's when you share a meal with your friends or your, or your, your, your spouse, right? That it really is building that trust and that you fit together right around this beautiful meal and opportunity. Just think you're building moments of connection. You're building a space where your child can feel important and valued and heard and engaged with you, whether they're 12 months or two years or five years. And I really feel like mealtime is one of the most powerful tools you have as a parent to use it to shape your, your family culture, your rhythm, And I appreciate the opportunity to share this all with you. And if you haven't already, you might wanna subscribe because I will have those upcoming episodes where we tackle technology and toddlers. I'm also diving into how. A noisy baby and babbling really tell us who they are in the future. It is sort of like shining a light into their future. so you don't wanna miss out, so please subscribe, share with other moms, other dads, other grandparents. And as always, thanks for spending time with me. I bless each and every one of you and see you next time on talking Toddlers.