Winning Together: 7 Proven Strategies to Teach Toddlers Cooperation

Is your toddler resisting every little request?

From cleaning up toys to putting on a hat, cooperation can sometimes feel like an uphill battle.

In today’s episode of Talking Toddlers, we’re tackling this common parenting challenge with 7 simple strategies to build cooperation—starting with small, everyday interactions.

You’ll learn how to:

• Use turn-taking to encourage teamwork, even with babies as young as 6 months.
• Make chores fun and rewarding for little hands.
• Offer choices that empower your toddler while maintaining family rules.
• Problem-solve together to prevent power struggles.
• Celebrate their contributions in ways that build confidence and connection.

The truth is, cooperation isn’t about forcing compliance—it’s about teaching toddlers to work with you through respect, trust, and clear communication. 

By incorporating these strategies into your daily routine, you’ll see your little one not only follow along but take pride in being part of the team.

If you love this episode, don’t forget to subscribe to Talking Toddlers so you never miss an actionable tip for raising confident, connected kids.

And if you haven’t already, grab one of my free parenting guides by signing up for my email list. You don’t want to miss out—these resources are packed with tools to help you navigate the early years with intention and ease.

Let’s start winning together—one turn at a time!

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Transcript

Erin: 0:00

The initial goal from birth to, three months and four months and six months is really teaching them. Teaching your little one to play with you. And that's, the key here. And I think a lot of parents don't fully embrace or understand how much we really need to shape that, And yes, a lot of kids get by. With a little interaction here and there and they learn, to talk and to play. Okay. Enough. But what I'm challenging you all with is how about if you really embrace this role of yours to step into it and say Hello, and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here, our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving through your guidance. We know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. Today, we're focusing on a topic. Every parenting counters, daily cooperation. How do we teach toddlers to work with us instead of against us? And here's the spoiler alert. It's not about forcing compliance. But it's about building a mutual respect and a family trust environment where you can actually work together as a team. So today I want to cover seven powerful strategies. That teach cooperation and starts at infancy. So we'll talk about simple activities like turn-taking during play. And even how the youngest toddlers can help with household chores, you'll learn why giving choices. Using positive language and explaining the why behind your rules begin to set the stage for overall collaboration. Now I know parenting toddlers can feel like you're herding cats on most days. But with the right tools and your better, deeper, richer understanding on how you can play your part. Then the spirit Uh, cooperative household and a lot of nurturing and team building can last a lifetime. So in the last episode, we covered cooperation as the process of working together to come to the same ending. That. Cooperation is learned over time and it was really driven by your leadership or your guidance as the primary role model in your family. So. Before you can expect a two year old or a four year old or a six year old to really even begin to participate in learning cooperation. We have to lay the foundation for building his or her attention, getting them engaged with us, right. Building their good listening skills, building how well they understand spoken language, even. one to three words or short phrases, it's really important. Because then that helps them understand cause and effect. When a lot of us talk about cooperation, we think about, or we are thinking about true cooperative play. And that really doesn't. Start to emerge until they're four or five or six that's when we're looking at how my little guy or gal can cooperatively play with others, right? Their friends or other family members, perhaps at school, a neighborhood park parties, team sports, all of that. That happens at the preschool level. I want today to really focus on how do we get there? What, what are those first four years? Like there's a lot of prep work involved. And that's why I began this conversation with play. That to me, play is child's work right. Through play, they're learning, they're building. And last week I outlined eight distinct types of play. And to me, they're based on developmental milestones and what is a healthy expectation and you can go back and, and. Look through, you know, one through eight. Today. I want to add to that and really talk about strategies or, ways to build and teach cooperation. And yes. Kids learn best through play. Right? A two year old, a four year old, a six year old. Isn't going to sit down and listen to a long lecture or a podcast, right. Or, you know, review no cards that they engage in the environment. I E play. And build language. Wild. Experiencing that play lifestyle. Right? And then with that language, we create cognitive skills and cognitive skills. Like I always share is not necessarily intellect, but the way that they think, the way that they understand and problem solve. And try try again. So let's walk through the seven ways that you could start really helping your little guy or gal understand. And be more cooperative. And remember, it's a process. So baby steps, but the first one is really to encourage turn-taking. And as young as a 6, 8, 9 month old babies can begin to engage in that back and forth interaction. That's early. Turn-taking. Now those first, several months, first three to six months, you're creating that connection, right? Lane, that early, early foundation building attention. To another human being right. Building engagement through all of that social play. And. By the time they hit six, eight. Months of age. Then, it's a lot more. Interaction. So for example, think of teaching them how to give five, give me five. Right? You're using that gesture. Putting your hand up, using speech, give me five. And there's that early expectation. Your putting your hand up saying the request, enticing them. And you're waiting for them to hit your hand. And if they don't of course, in the beginning, what do you do? You pick up their hand and show them how to do it right. And that's his positive reinforced and you smile and laugh. Yay. Give me five again. And again, you support him through that motor planning, if they don't understand what the expectation is. Also you're playing games like, blowing bellies, right. Um, people call it different things, but when your baby or infant is on their back, say your changing their clothes, or, taking off those shoes and socks or whatever you can. with a playful smile and big eyes. Kind of. Creep into his little belly space and say, oh, I'm going to get your belly or tummy, whatever you call up and you lift his shirt and you blow on his belly. That is building his interest, building his engagement with you. There's some anticipation. And after a while, a few weeks or whatnot. He begins to understand what this social play is and he'll lift his own shirt and you'll say, oh, I see your belly. I'm going to get your belly, get, get, get, get, get right. And you blow onto his belly. But those early, early social engagements help him. I build that dyad with you that give and take, and then, you know, there's the classic ones, such as peek-a-boo or this little piggy went to the market. My favorite row, row, row your boat, or. Any game where you can just say ready? PSAT go. And you're building that very, very early. Give and take, and he begins to anticipate when you start. Uh, using a certain gesture or a certain word phrase, Ring around the rosy again. I, you know, I've shared this before, but I'm surprised at so many different school preschool settings I would go to and play ring around the Rosie. And the teachers were amazed at how engaged the kids were. Because it was fun. It was interactive. It was. repetitive, but highly, highly successful. But those are examples that all require engagement. Uh, Uh, type of expectation and until Anticipation right. But there's also a timing mechanism and that's the initial stage to asking a question. Waiting and then getting an answer or asking for help to do X, Y, Z waiting. And then they, they follow through right. But these early precursors can easily be done several times a day during their waking hours. Right. You don't want to play these, these highly. Engageable social activities right before you want him to get to sleep right. Um, but you, you look at them as snatching those two to four to six minutes where you're really helping them. Understand this give and take and the goal. The initial goal from birth to, you know, three months and four months and six months is really teaching them. Teaching your little one to play with you. And that's, that's the key here. And I think a lot of parents don't fully embrace or understand how much we really need to shape that, that. And yes, a lot of kids get by. With a little interaction here and there and they learn, you know, to talk and to play. Okay. Enough. But what I'm challenging you all with is how about if you really embrace this role of yours to step into it and say, How can I really enrich these early months, these early years and make the best of it. And I do always preface a lot of your time with your little ones, especially when they're really, really little, you know, under three. Is that you need to get ready to play with them. And what that means is turn off the electronics, all the distractions, Be present my three piece, right. To be present, to be purposeful, like, okay, I'm going to play some social games with him. And then to be playful, to beat, happy to be able to do it with your little one. So if you remove those distractions or any kind of background noise or clutter clutters, noise, clutter and visual clutter, right? It's just you and me. We're just going to play on the floor here for five minutes. And I'm going to be in it with you. And then as they approach their, you know, closer to that six months of age, they're now sitting up there. You know, spend a lot of time on tummy time playing with you, learning how to play by themselves. Right. And now they're sitting up in the high chair, ready to be introduced to solid fool foods. Right. Um, at six months and now they're really with six months of really rich social engagement with you, they're ready to learn how to take turns and give that back and forth play. And in this mix is also, he is learning from your modeling, how to imitate. And so when we're looking at a 12 month old and an 18 and a 30 month old, we want them to be able to imitate and follow our lead with speech and language, building that vocabulary, building that rich language structure, it starts with play right. And gestures. And I talk a lot about that here. But. You know, part of my mission is really to help new moms and new families to embrace that. Knowing that that is really laying a solid solid foundation. So let's just kind of walk through some early turn-taking and early imitation. Say for example blocks, When you place a block in the bucket, give them a moment. To take his block and copy you right. And put it in the bucket. Take turns putting the blocks in the bucket and then dumping them out. Maybe you just put three or five or six in and then he can dump them. But he's learning that. That back and forth. When he gets a little bit bigger. or older, closer to that first birthday, then it begins to develop into more functional play. Up to that point. You know, putting in blocks and taking up Blocks. That was more nonfunctional there. They're just exploring how do these things work, right? Whether it's a block or a ball or a Dolly, or, Uh, twist, turn toy or whatnot there. Just Exploring different. actions with it, but it becomes a little more functional. Uh, closer to that first birthday all the way up through 15 months of age. that first year is like testing the objects, right? Like I said, and doing a lot more banging or hitting or turning or throwing or dumping. What will happen with this? When I, do it over and over again, like when I splash water, Or when I roll a ball, the dog runs and chases it. Or when I dropped food off my plate, mom will come and pick it up. Cause and effect. But through your demonstrating and. And giving him opportunities to imitate and take turns. Then you continue to build on that and you can be more functional closer to that. 18 month mark, where there you're taking turns and putting puzzle pieces together But. You can then translate that into, oh, it's time to clean up. And let's make a game of it. Let's do turn-taking right. I start to put objects on the shelf and then you start to put objects on the shelf. And, What goes in this box of. All the blocks. What goes in this box? All the dress up clothes, and you're showing him the organization and you're doing it together. I put a little in, you put a little in. And remember at this stage at 12 months and 18 months and even 24 months. They can approximate. And what that means is that, you know, They might put it in any old box and you might some days help them organize. But other days, you know, that he just wants to put all the toys away because he knows it's dinner time or he's going to go out and play. You can always go back and reorganize and sort and file. But the whole idea is giving him opportunities. To do what with you? The goal is imitation. The goal is learning how to take turns. Early on. And those are types of cooperation because what we want is that four year old and six year old to be able to do it on their own, but they need to experience it with you and your job. Is to given those opportunities so she can feel the pleasure of accomplishing something with you. That's early team building right there. We're a team we're in it together. Or maybe there's a couple of kids or dad or the nanny or whomever, but you're in it together. So number two of these different ways to help build cooperation is to do chores together, starting at an early age. the idea is to really help or let your child grow up experience, experiencing the benefits of cooperation. Right? So even a one year old can help you set the table, or like I just explained clean up the toys. Right. And you give them tasks to do that. They can do fairly independently and with great pride. Right? And just a couple of things. You're not going to really expect your one or your two year old. To quote unquote, set the table, but you're five and six year old. They have experienced a lot now and they can do it, but that one or one and a half year old, you can help them here. Put the napkins on the table. No that's off the table. Put them on the ch on the table. Right. Or a placemat, or you can show him hand over hand at the beginning to help them feel like this is on the table. And then you can even do it for cleanup. And we talk a lot about that, that these simple chores, or I put it in the trash, the napkin is dirty or better yet you could ask, where does a dirty napkin go? Right. Or this is a dirty cup. Where do you put it? Again, getting them, pulling them in. To listening. On purpose, right? You asking them a question and then they're able to tell you or show you what the answer is. and my favorite that I share her often as putting groceries away, again, they're not going to do all of it, but if they can put certain safe things away, where do paper towels go? Right, or where does the bread belong? This is early cooperation. You get in the picture here. It's it's. It's really building it. Step-by-step. And not. Uh, well, not pushing it, but not letting oh, he's one or two. He, you know, makes more messes than he does really help. Well, you can't expect him to wake up on his fifth birthday and say, okay, now I'm going to be a great. Chore builder or, you know, I'm going to be cooperative. But by pointing out the advantages of cooperating. Then the, again, they're feeling at with you, like you could say something. Look how fast we set the table. Now we have time to read a book before dinner. Because it has to cook for 10 more minutes. Look at the clock. And so, but we were so good or so fast at setting the table. We have time to read a book. Right. Or, kids love in the summertime or wherever you live. To help you wash the car. If you do that right. Boy. It was fun. Washing the car with you. You're a great scrubber. Look how bright and shiny the car is. Or you can look inside and say, wow, look how clean we dusted it. We throw away the trash. It's so nice. And you're giving them that. Yeah, there's a lot of play acting involved. And I shared that a lot here, but if, if you're so tired and overwhelmed, which, you know, at this time of year, I can certainly understand because this will go out in December, but, um, But you really have to hopefully rethink of how do you show up? What's your energy level? What's your tone? What's your intention. And, 20, 24, my word was intention. And, I think it was a hit and miss sometimes, And that happens. And one of my. Hopes is that we all will get in the habit of stopping. Ourselves our daily life, our to do list. And just check in and see, okay. Am I showing up? How am I showing up? What's my energy. What's my attitude. What's my expectation. Am I really helping them by role modeling and giving them the support and then slowly but surely weaning away. So number three on this list of seven is to explain your reasons for family rules. And that why it's important that we as a family help each other out. And again, you can kind of think of this on your own, but I wanted to outline it that by three most children who have decent, competent speech and language development, Can use an understanding, uh, can use an understand language well enough to handle simple explanations, not just directions, but explain to think through the cause and the effect. So you can point out the benefit of the rules, right. And how it impacts the whole family, not just the child. And maybe not just you, but oh gosh. You know, we set the table. Dinner's going to be ready in 10 minutes. And when daddy comes home, oh, we can all sit down and share together. He's going to be so excited. He can smell the chicken and he loves it when the tables all set. So nice. Nice. And you can sit next to daddy, the whole gamut, right? But you can even say simple things like, we all help clean up and organize. And then we know where everything is. We don't lose your toys. Right. We can find them again tomorrow when it's time to play. If you put all your trucks away in this bin. And all your books on the shelf and tomorrow we know exactly where they are. Or you could say something like, you know, I like grocery shopping. I like, doing laundry together, but you could say when you help me put away all the laundry. We can finish quicker and then we have more time to play. Right. But if I have to do it all by myself, then you have to wait, wait, wait. So what you're helping little ones do, and they're very capable of doing this. Uh, they don't think of it on their own and they're not. cognizant, but you're bringing the awareness of the structure of your family, the flow, the expectation, and how he, or she can learn to be an active, engaged member. And it starts early on. You know, especially around that first birthday one and a half when they're pretty mobile. Right. And they're getting into everything. Because they're interested. They're curious. Well, help them shape that by say here. W put the napkins on the table here, throw these dirty cups in the trash or here, carry these paper bags to the mud room, whatever the task is. To pull their energy and their curiosity into the moment in real time and build purpose. That's cooperation. Right. So number four of this list of seven is to take time to problem solve. And you're thinking, Hmm. How do I do that? Well, you can help. A slightly older, two year old, and those, even those new three-year-olds come up with solutions to everyday problems or dilemmas. Right. And to encourage cooperation at the same time, because what are you doing? You're pulling them in and asking them for help. So you would first state the problem, say they're doing something and. It's not what you want them to do, right. It's against the rules. Right? So say, for example, they're about to draw on the wall and you say, no, I know you want to draw on the wall, but mommy says no. So there's the problem. And then you can ask them, where can you draw? Where is a good place to draw. And then you solve it together. If your child can't come up with the answer. If you're either too wiggly or, you know, just. Kind of out of sorts, you can give them choices. At which are both always acceptable to you. Right? You could say, oh, you can draw on the paper or you can draw on the, on the bag. Or you can draw on the box or you can draw on this orange piece of paper. Give them two choices that are acceptable. And if they keep pushing the limits there, they want to draw on the wall or the refrigerator, or in my case, it was always, Uh, tabletop and sometimes when kids start to draw in the books, that that can be tricky because what books are made of paper. Right. And so they get a little confused. So you have to be very explicit and set the limits, right? Books are for reading. And looking at, and, you know, looking at the pictures, this single paper here is for drawing and help them sort elements. In their house, That they can do set that limit. and if they keep pushing the envelope, what do you do? You S you show them. Oh, well, I will put the crayons away until you pick a good thing to draw on. Right. And this is helping them understand what the boundaries are. You don't necessarily get mad or frustrated you say. No drawing or no crayons on the wall or on the table. Or on mommy's, you know, booklet, You can, oh, you want to draw? Here's your paper? Do you want yellow or white? So, what you're telling them is what they can do. Not always what they can't do. and give them those conditions. For example, yes, you can jump, but you can't jump on the sofa. Right. Jumping as for outside or jumping as for on the floor. Or jumping is on the rug. Let them know what they can do. because the whole negation thing, like you. Like no running. No jumping on the sofa. That's difficult for kids under three, because there's a lot of language manipulation inside their head. What are I hear? Like, jumping and no, and, if you show them what they can do, You can run in the hallway. You can run outside. Now I know that it's pretty common and easy to jump into this habit of just telling them. But if we ask them. Then they attend more because you're pulling them into problem solving. They have to think. What are you asking? Maybe come up with an answer of themselves or pick one of your two choices, but they're solving at not just being shot down, but they're solving at finding a solution with you. And that's very empowering. It's also a key element cooperation. And letting them know if we don't pick up our toys or the dirty clothes. We can't go outside. So, what do you want to do? Sit and be bored. Or go outside and play. Let's pick up the toys or pick up the dirty clothes. Right? Whatever your expectation. Keep it simple. Keep it really concrete. Don't make it personal. But help them make that decision with you. So number five of this list of seven ways to build cooperation. Is to give specific praise for cooperative efforts, right. Again, they don't understand that word. Oh, you need to learn how to cooperate. Right. But if we're positive with when they are really helping us or learning to help us, then we're going to get more of that behavior. It's kind of, you know, psychology 1 0 1 or parenting 1 0 1, but point out why, and then how your child's contribution was important. Like, oh my gosh. We, you know, did all the laundry together. That's great. Because this helps him recognize and then feel valued with his effort. So again, one of my favorites is laundry. And you can help them. Learn same or different or things that are alike. Right. By saying something such as, oh, you picked out all the white socks and you put them together. Ah, you helped me finish sorting the laundry quicker. Oh my gosh. That was so great. And now because you helped. We have more time to play. again, putting toys back, you put all the books on the shelf. Now it's easier to choose one. Which one do you want to look at? do you want to read to mommy or shell mommy read to you? again, Really praising and I know it takes energy. It takes. Bandwidth. But if we do the simple. Uh, kind of emotional based. Strategizing. Early on. You will really, really gain the benefits. again, going back to putting groceries away, oh my gosh, you help put the groceries away. So well, and we got done so fast. Now we can sit down and have a healthy snack together. do you want carrots and salary? And cheese, which one do you want to pick? And so remember in situations like this say they're cranky, right? And they're they want they're hungry. But I have said here numerous times, that being hungry is not necessarily an emergency and you don't have to stop everything. It's a good opportunity to show. Cooperation. I'm hungry too, honey. So let's put these groceries away. It'll take us two minutes. And then we can sit down together and share the snack. So you're building her awareness of the environment and what your needs are connecting with her and helping her. I feel good about cooperating and helping. Cause that's what cooperation is. Right. We, we want to work together. So we both win in the end. So number six in this list would be to offer suggestions. And I've touched upon this before. I know it's easy to get in the habit of telling kids. At any age. Right. And I recently did this with my 24 year old. Um, It's not good. Or you can give them suggestions or you can, explore your personal experience, but telling your kids, Doesn't really help move anybody forward. And I know. Different scenarios where you're needing to get out the door or you need to finish dinner. or you need to transition and start bedtime routine because you have emails or phone calls, or you just want to rest and put your feet up. But I assure you that giving your toddlers and really any child, but giving them suggestions will elicit much more cooperation. Where commands often evoke this kind of resistance. They dig their heels in and say, I don't like being told what to do. Right. I personally don't like being told what to do, But it's important that we state things concretely matter of factly. Like this is what I need. But then we kinda wrap it in giving choices. And so they feel somewhat empowered. For example, you could say, Hey honey, it's cold outside, so you'll need to wear a coat. Would you like to put it on all by yourself? Or do you want me to help? whenever you can say, do you want to do it all by yourself? A two year old and a three-year-old is going to jump. And, and really do it because they want that independence, even if they're not very competent at it. Give them that space to try to put the code on themselves or put the shoes on themselves. So stating things. Your expectation and wrapping it with some kind of choice really will bring a much better response than saying, put your coat on. Put your coat on. Put your coat on. You know, four or six or 10 times. So. I can. assuredly say is a pretty fail proof strategy. Especially, that 18, two years, two and a half. Some of times they'll need a little hand over hand, but it has worked hundreds. If not thousands of times in my practice at home. with family members, whatever, uh, just. Telling them what is expected and then wrapping it in. Some kind of choice-making. And this works really well. Even in those most trying situations say you're trained to leave an environment, a park or a friend's house or the pool. And it really is time to go. And you just simply say we got to go to the car. Do you want my help? Or do you want to skip. Or hop or Gallup like a horse or walk backwards. Or you could say, do you want to carry the backpack or the water bottle? Again, It's a form of distraction on some level, but you're pulling them in and things aren't just happening to them. That. We're we're in this together. We came to the park together. We're going to leave together and we're going to help each other in those transitions. But these subtle changes of, do you want to carry the backpack or the water bottle? Gives their attention, something else. To focus on. So there's that kind of pseudo distraction. Right. And if you make it fun based and give them a choice, you know, like, oh, you could hop like a bunny rabbit. Or you could try to walk backwards. And sometimes, you know, do it with them for a couple of steps. Right. But you it's, it's a statement and it's a clear, calm tone. But it's playful. if we say. oh, will you please help mommy? You know, can you help? Can you do this? You know, we gotta go. We gotta go, honey. I've asked you three times. That isn't very convincing. And it's not, it's not distracting them enough because there's too much wiggle room. There's the boundaries are too smushy. Right. I always call them they're jello. But over time, the more successes they experience and the more pleasant experiences in those transitions. Then they'll build on that cooperation. And what you're doing is really helping them buy into participation. And the, the language piece, the understanding is really important. So make sure it's clear directives. It's positive with this attitude, of course, you're going to help mommy. Because it feels good. And what the payoff is, is less meltdowns. Smoother transitions. They feel good. You feel good. And they're really enjoying being with you. And, and then they're trusting that, oh, I can come back to the park in a couple of days or, oh, the next thing's going to be fun too, because. It's not going to be perfect. I'm not setting that up, but I try my best to be realistic. But especially in those moments where they're more vulnerable or more fragile, which means, maybe they're over tired or hungry, then you really need to get really simple with them and concrete. And maybe distract them. And of course there are times then, then you just have to pick them up and say, we got to go. Right. And that's, that's a whole different conversation. I'm trying to encourage you to find every day opportunities where you can help them learn what cooperation feels like. And how it's a win-win situation. So number seven on this list. Is to give your child choices while maintaining the rules. And we've touched upon this, but I wanted to highlight it separately. Because rules. Sometimes people can get uncomfortable with that word, but it's just realistic expectations. And I'm always saying here, Th the expectations of a two year old is going to be different than a three-year-old, which is very different than a four year old because the language and the understanding. And there, there are opportunities to have experienced successes. And master skills. Change greatly in, six months and 12 months and 18 months. Without rules or strong firm boundaries, not militant. Not authoritative, but. helping them understand. And I was sharing this with a parent recently that they push on your boundaries because they want to know for sure that they. where how far they can go. Right. Because they don't want to feel. Unsure or uncomfortable. And. If things, if your lifestyle, your daily routines are too random or too inconsistent, it's a very uncomfortable place to be. Even though kids might look like they're enjoying, running the show. It's not. It's sort of like equivalent to. If we were to walk into a new situation, say a new job. Or even, you know, going to a new dinner party or recently I went to a new, a fundraiser I've never attended four. I had no idea what the expectations were. And the more I could learn beforehand and understand. Then the. The more comfortable I was going there and, and understanding, right? So our responsibility is a new mom, a new parents and family of young children. Is to teach them what the rules I E expectations are and to understand what a two year old can do. And that's why. Cooperation is not necessarily realistic for a two year old, but you give them opportunities to practice. Right. So then at three and four, they're significantly better. And what, what. You're benefiting is like I said earlier, reducing the stress, the drama. Y you build these cooperative. Understanding right. And in your building, cooperation and independence, and then ultimately leadership. and we'll talk about this in a later episode, but how do you build cooperative play? In more structured activities. Like T-ball or playing cards. Or, tag even. That. It's it's getting those experiences early on of how to work together and how to understand, That I contribute as much as you contribute. So back to this last. Strategy is that you have to show them what. The expectations, right? There are some non-negotiables right. You don't run out into the street. you, you know, have to brush your teeth before you go to bed, right? So you could say something like, oh, teeth need to be brushed at bedtime. Do you want me to brush your teeth first? Or do you want to go first? You know, most families, I think, understand that. By the time a child's about to, you know, they have enough fine motor skills. If they're eating and doing all of that kind of fine motor task and playing with Play-Doh and all of that, that you. Give them the opportunity to be in control of that toothbrush. But it's always mama follows up, you know, and gets those corners. but the rule or the expectation is we have to brush your teeth. Do you want to go first or shall I. So offering those choices shows that your child is being respected. And that there's a sense of understanding that we're in it together. And of course. All of this takes energy. And some planning in that forebrain, right. And a lot, a lot of patience on your part. But I assure you that these small steps really do pay off huge return. like I said, That a two year old is still going to be disjointed, still going to need a lot of guidance in hand, over hand. And you want to reinforce and positively celebrate. Those times where he is really engaged with you. And I've seen plenty. Of two, two and a half year olds really step up because they love doing things with us. If anything, it's like, oh my gosh, just get out from under my feet. Right. But this is how we build that independence. This is how we build mama has to do this over here and you can do this work over here. You know, by the time they're three, right? You can pretend to wash these dishes over here. Why mom, cooks this dinner that, I have to measure things or, or it's something I've never done before. And so continue to look at all of these things. As progress being. Developed over time and that your guidance will build their independence. Like I just mentioned, and that communication, understanding the words, your speaking to them, and then them being able to express it that builds or shapes their creativity. Too, right. They, they might not do it your way. And put the toys away But they might come up with. Ways to problem solve on their own. Right. And then overall. What's our goal cooperation is to bring some peace. So don't think of it as compliance or being, and authoritative, like parent. And to be honest, I have a lot of mixed feelings regarding this quote unquote gentle parenting. That seems to be very popular on social media these days. And we can talk about that in a different episode, but I don't like boxes. I don't like labels that much. because. That literally boxes us in it's in no pun intended, but it, I think inhibits our opportunities to grow and learn. You know, when someone a long time ago says, oh, I'm not a very good bicyclist yet. Or I'm not a very good organizer yet. Right. I'm honing those skills. But, I I've read a lot about the whole gentle parenting and trying to. Get a one to three-year-old to, Gain his or her permission. And I think that that becomes a slippery slope. But, like I said, that's a different conversation. I go back to how do I want to be treated at the same time that I understand the limitations of they've only been in this world for 12 months or 18 months or. 28 months, whatever the age is. And how can I marry those two? Having respect and love and kindness. As I'm raising them and guiding them and teaching them at the same time, having realistic expectations. And my work over the last 35 years has given me a wealth of information on what is developmentally appropriate and how to. You create those expectations that are fluid, that are designed to grow and expand over time. And like, You know, I probably said a dozen times here in this episode alone, a two year old cannot quote, unquote cooperate, or even share. Very well on their own. He needs your guidance. He needs prompting and modeling. A lot of positive experience to learn how it feels to share. Right. And, and to take small steps toward that. And so one of my, hallmarks of. my vision and my mission is, is to really. Help new moms, new families embrace their role as. their primary teacher, their primary. leader in the family. And I believe that that's, why God asked us. To really care for these beautiful children to be stewards, right. To teach them how to be human, how to learn, to cooperate and communicate and share and expand. So in being their good stewards, we too have a chance to grow and learn. We, as the adults have to step up our game. we all understand that we've never done this parenting thing before. And we're learning on the job. I think part of God's plan then. Is when he asks us to become parents it's so that we, as the human adult in the room become better. And as you all know, becoming a parent tests, every cell in our body. And at times we truly doubt our own abilities. We question our own strength, but I believe through his strength. We then find peace and grace and joy. In raising these beautiful children. And. It's not easy. I get it. And especially as I said this time of the year is crazy and pulling you in all different directions. Good, bad, and everything in between. maybe these seven strategies that help you teach cooperation with your toddler can also help you practice your new role. It's all just an opportunity to get better, to hone our personal skills. And embrace this beautiful family Let me just kind of run through them one last time to encourage turn-taking. To do chores together, starting at an early age. To explain your reasons for family rules and helping each other out. Than to take time to problem solve together. Because that pulls them in. To give specific praise for cooperative efforts. It's not going to be perfect, especially with a two and a three-year-old. Number six to offer suggestions, not commands. number seven, to give your child choices while maintaining the rules of your household. And this will help build your, your flow, your family rhythm and gain. A lot of cooperation, right? More peace. There's still going to be a lot of noise and ruckus and, and challenging moments. But. if we think about this on a conscious level, we can all. Do a little bit better. And I know it's hairy during, you know, this end of the year and the holidays and celebrating Christmas and, boundaries and limitations are, are challenging, but if you go into it with an open mind, I think. Less is more. And that is really about the time that you spend together as a family and that they walk away with those happy feelings. And I've shared before in the past, they don't remember how many presents are under the tree or they don't remember who got what. They remember being with you and playing with you and learning with you and sharing with you. So thanks for spending your precious time with me as always. And don't forget, I have a few free guides that will help you through some of these strategies. The link is down below. One of them is getting ready to talk my top 10 essentials that your child must have before they talk. Another one is building vocabulary, single words to two word phrases. a final note, I'm getting excited about 20, 25, lots and lots of new projects ahead. And I can't wait to share them with you. So let's grow together and God bless all of you until next time. Bye.