The Power of Routine: How Predictability Shapes Your Toddler’s Development

In this episode of Talking Toddlers, we explore why creating predictable routines for your little one is the key to reducing anxiety, tantrums, and stress in your home.

Did you know that the rhythm of daily life directly impacts your baby’s brain development, emotional regulation, and even their language skills?

We’ll dive into how simple, consistent routines can help your child feel secure, confident, and ready to learn—while making your family life smoother and more enjoyable.

Want to know how predictability can transform your parenting journey? Tune in to this week's episode to find out!

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Transcript

Erin: 0:00

And it really starts at helping your baby, your newborn practically. Begin to wire itself up because when you bring your little one home, everything's new. Everything's unknown. Everything is learning So the more we can create routines and a rhythm and a system, then babies and toddlers. Begin to understand Hello, and welcome to Talking Toddlers, where I share more than just tips and tricks on how to reduce tantrums or build your toddler's vocabulary. We're going to cover all of that, but here, our goal is to develop clarity, because in this modern world, it's truly overwhelming. This podcast is about empowering moms to know the difference between fact and fiction, to never give up, to tap into everyday activities so your child stays on track. He's not falling behind. He's thriving through your guidance. We know that true learning starts at home. So let's get started. today. We're diving into the topic that strikes at the heart of how babies and toddlers experienced the world. Predictability. Humans by nature are often afraid of the unknown and our youngest members of society are no different. Babies and toddlers thrive when they feel secure. And the key to that, is a predictable environment. Now I'm not talking about rigid schedules or an over controlled life. I'm talking about rhythm. Something that creates a flow to their day. A sense of what comes next. This sense of routine, doesn't just make life easier for you as the parent. Albeit that's important. It's actually shaping your child's developing brain. Predictability helps calm their nervous system, allowing them to feel secure. Confident. And ready to engage with the world around them. It's in these everyday moments like bath time and meal time. That your little one is learning how this world works. Growing emotionally, cognitively. And even linguistically. So in this episode, let's explore why routines are more than just helpful. They truly are the foundation to your child's development. So a few common questions that new parents always ask over and over again. Is how do I create consistent routines? How do I set boundaries for those routines? And then how do I manage transitions effectively? Because. Quite often, we all know, no matter what age your baby or toddler is currently, is those transitions getting your little one to participate and flow from one activity to the next, because it isn't necessarily all about them. Every single moment of every single day, they have to come along with us. And be embedded in our to-do list and our kind of responsibility, no matter what your home life looks like. So your toddler might. Seem like this psych clone on these wobbly legs and you and I can at times think it's adorable,, but if we take that snapshot, many, many people, new parents, especially have this impression that that's normal. But I assure you that within that. Whole sphere of activity, deep down, they're looking for consistency. And they're looking to know and understand what comes next. So then life can be less bumpy for me and less emotional and less dramatic. Even though they don't know how to express that, or even. Understand on a conscious level. That's, what's driving them as a human being, even though on the outside, you and I, and our friends and our family might joke and say, oh, you know, he's just this kind of cyclone that is spinning out of control. There might be moments like that, but that should not be the norm. So the best way to provide this is through a regular daily routine and schedule that you create with a thoughtful, purposeful, intentional manner. And as I, dove into this and say, how do I structure a conversation around creating schedules and routines? I found myself really facing these, these discussions around we humans have a lot of fears and it seems that the unknown, that fear of, I don't know, what's going to happen seems to really edge out everything else, except death and public speaking. And I've always kind of joked at how public speaking can be so traumatic for. A lot of people, but I kind of like, it is sort of my jam. Not to say that it doesn't. Stress me out, but I'm okay. In that role. But not knowing what to expect and not knowing what, how I am supposed to show up or what my responsibility is or the people around me that really does freak me out. So give me a public speaking event way before just dumping me in the middle of chaos and say, figure it out. Good luck. But children's fear of the unknown really includes everything from a suspicious looking vegetable on their plate. Right. They can freak out with that. Or a major life change. A different daycare center or a different nanny or a different home. Maybe a new baby is born. From something as basic and simple as introducing a new food to a major life change. That can really, really place a child in this compromising stressful situation. But if we're okay with stepping back in. And perhaps looking at it through the eyes of your toddler. Children are confronted with change almost on a daily basis. And the truth is that's what we call growth, right. That we. Can do things today that we couldn't do yesterday as a toddler, perhaps, conquer these three steps or put on my own pair of pants. Or the toilet doesn't look so horrifying. And so let's continue to look through it through their eyes. The very definition of growing. Is that their body is changing constantly from day to day. even from the morning, till the evening. let's just think of a few basic you and I, as grownups think of this as basic, but basic asks of them like. Okay. Now it's time to give up your pacifier. Oh, or no more bottles during the day or momma's breast isn't available whenever you want. Or now it's time to move from your lovely little crib to a big boy's bed. And then there's adults that come and go. Perhaps, like I said, different daycare settings, different babysitters, different neighborhoods. Let's go visit my friend over here. Let's go visit my friend over there. They don't know that these aren't permanent situations, right. But we expect our little ones to learn new skills. At this astonishing rate. Right. How to roll over how to crawl, how to walk and talk and share, ride a bike. Cross the street. Penmanship reading, waiting in line. Waiting your turn. How to sleep. How to play soccer, how to play P ball. T-ball. How to play the piano. The list is endless. So we're constantly putting new unknown expectations in front of them. So my point here is that very few of these changes. Are within your child's control. So toddlers children. Even, teenagers, we all handle change best if it's expected and occurs in the context of a familiar routine. The best that we can manage the environment and help them transition into change. Helps the outcome, right. A predictable routine allows children and us adults. Of course, let's be honest. But it allows them to feel safe and to develop a sense of mastery in their daily lives. And through this mastery. They have experience. After experience after experience that then allows them to know. That the world isn't going to come to an end or things are not that. Terrible that I can manage this. I can tolerate a little change. I can, ignore this ugly little vegetable on my plate. I can eat in a new restaurant. I can. take five minutes and get acquainted to a new babysitter. Because they have life skills, whether it's in that 18 months or 36 months, they have enough. Balance to understand how change isn't the end of the world. So as they experienced this sense of mastery, They really can manage themselves in both small and larger changes. And it really starts at helping your baby, your newborn practically. Begin to wire itself up because when you bring your little one home, everything's new. Everything's unknown. Everything is learning right. So the more we can create routines and a rhythm and a system, then babies and toddlers. Begin to understand whatever happens next. I'm safe. I'm secure. They'll take care of me. I have confidence in that. That my needs are being met. In a reasonable timeframe. So for this episode, I'm going to cover. Five top reasons we need to establish consistent routines. And then in future episodes, I will dive into some specific reasons, a little deeper, but today let's, let's look at the whole list. And then you can take this information and kind of analyze what's my day. Like what's my week. Like how have I developed this rhythm? And, and do I need to step back and kind of restructure it or tweak it? So the first top reason would be. Pretty much what I alluded to it builds that sense of security and predictability. And remember all of us humans are afraid of the unknown, but babies, especially. And through my 35 years of practice and my continued study and really sharing This beautiful art and mastery of human development as a baby and a toddler. We have learned. That babies and toddlers thrive in this kind of environment when they feel. Predictable right. When the environment feels. Not so unfamiliar, even though new things are happening to them all the day, all the time, we bring that emotional sense of. It's okay. It's not a big deal, right? It reduces the anxiety. And really helps your little one again, whether he's six months, 18 months, 36 months, but it begins to build their sense of control and that. They can manage. their home environment and then the playground environment and strangers home environments, and grandma is home environment, 3000 miles on the other side of the country. It, it really helps them feel. That it's the bedrock of your family life, right? That they're secure because their days have this rhythm to it. So keep in mind, I'm not talking about. Oppression or rigidity or controlling everything they do and say, or explore, I'm really talking about. That flow. And of course, there's going to be times that we have to quote unquote, break the rules and we can talk about that a little bit later on, but for right now, just think about that rhythm to your day. What comes next? What do we typically do when we wake up? What do we typically do after we change and get on some clean PJ's or we. Brush our teeth, or we read a book. What is typically unfolding? And they begin to see that structure. How was my day broken up this first chunk of waking up and then we eat and then we. gather up our things and we do some errands. Or we go visit somebody or we play at the park. All of this. Is really wiring their brain and then building a healthy, nervous system around that Because they're not always living on the edge of anxiety, like, Hmm. What's going to happen. Right. And remember I've shared before. And if you haven't heard me, if this is your first time, It's it's important to understand that babies are born quote unquote, under construction, and it's up to us, the adults in their life that you parents and. Grandparents and sitters to help shape and wire and connect to enhance those neurons. Literally in our babies brains, in our toddlers brains, in our preschoolers brains. Right. And in a future episode, I dive a little bit deeper of what is neuro-plasticity and what happens with these under construction babies. And why is it so important that we do certain things? Not perfectly. But that we don't get sucked into the noise. Of this modern world. And get distracted by what we think the babies need when I'm always encouraging you to step back and go back to basics, go to mother nature. Think of what. Would help. Ease this transition they're growing and learning out lightning speed. You and I both know this. How can we put a rhythm to it? That it's not so scattered, there are gaps and that. They really build a sense of autonomy and independence and mastery from the inside out. Because the science is pretty clear once your baby and toddler consistently start their day. With a calm body and mind. Then their nervous system is really healthier and robust. And it happens within those first several months. By three months of age, they're really getting into tune with what this structure and routine is. And then he presents himself. Open and ready to learn. Right. She is open and ready to listen. And they are open and ready to engage with everyday activities. Special play time. Transition times, right. Think about getting out the door and getting into the car and doing your errands. That's a whole series of transitions. How can they. Be a part of that with you and engage. Because that's really, in my mind, that's really where the magic happens. Right that it's in those little daily things where he can put on his own shoes and they can hold your hand and walk to the car independently. You don't have to chase down the street or that he can climb into the car and climb into the, into the car seat and help you buckle them up and, and really have these smooth transition. And then your little one is striving to be more independent and to be more cooperative at the same time. It's not like just, oh, I can do it. I can do it all by myself. But they're open because you've wired their system to listen and follow your directions. Even if there are subtle changes. Like I said, we're not looking for perfection. We're looking that most of your days. I run smoothly. And so then that leads us into. Top reason. Number two. Our cognitive development. So routines offer opportunities for your little ones to learn cause and effect. And that is one of the first cognitive learning processes that babies and toddlers. Master right. That if I do this, this will happen. You can do that with toys, right? If I push this button, then the store will open, but they also learn that if I sit still and let mom put my shoes on, then we can get outside the door faster. Right. So by understanding the sequence of your daily life, then. They know. That, what they really want will come in one or two steps. For example, if they really want to bounce on the bed and that's part of your routine at nighttime, then they know that they have to take a bath and brush their teeth. And then, then they can bounce on the bed. Let's count to 10. we used to do that with our daughter. She. When we practice rhyming and she would be able to bounce on the bed. And we would do that 10 times. That was the part of that process, but she couldn't do that before she was in her PJ's and her teeth were brushed. And so at the same time, this underlying cognitive piece is that. These schedules and routines and rhythm fosters their understanding of time. And structure and sequencing again. You're wiring this brain to understand how this 3d world works, how your family life works. And the key aspects of cognitive development is really. Finding organization. Right. The impact here is organizing. Their understanding of how your family structure works. And helping them connect those neural connections. Right? Those, those synapses based on repetition. Based on positive reinforcement. Based on feeling good and secure and open for learning. And that's how we build these pathways, these pathways, because they enhance memory. And language. Which then bleeds into overall learning. And so then that brings us to number three. Which is language and communication development. And again, I've seen hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of cases throughout my years. And when a family life is. Kind of chaotic. Those kids. Our more at risk for having language processing and. Communication. Challenges it doesn't, it's not a direct one-to-one correlation, but especially if you have a child who is slow to talk. It's really, really important that you look at your routines, that you'll look at your schedule because we want to enhance that as much as possible. Close that gap as quickly as possible and as early as possible and prevent issues developing into lifelong challenges. So these routines and. And schedules also allow us as the grownups, the parents, you guys. To engage in, um, Or to naturally embed language, right? Like I said, you'd get up in the morning. Maybe you sing a couple of fun songs or you read a book together. What is your routine? Come into the kitchen helped me. Set up for breakfast. We can use a lot of language. Do you want. You know, have an English muffin or do you want. Scrambled eggs. You give them choices. You talk about let's first set the table and then we'll wash our hands and then we can sit down and eat whatever the scenario is by building and talking to your baby and your toddler with language. You're narrating your activities and they're processing this, they're pruning their language and they're figuring out that, oh, whatever she says, muffin. Then it's this delicious blueberry thing over here. Or. Scrambled eggs or whatever the languages they're attaching it to objects and actions and events. So having repetitive routines and again, not re rigid, but ones that they can predict. Mealtimes and routines around your bath time. And bedtime stories. Those are, those are anchors throughout their day that they can hold on to, even if there are changes in the middle, they know. Hm. After we have dinner. Then we get to play a little bit. And then we take a bath. And then we get to jump on the bed. And then we read a story and then my day is over. Right. And we are using certain words and phrases. Every time we do these routines. That's building that language, that repetition, it strengthens that processing skill. And that's how we all learn to talk, to listen, to communicate. And as I said, that there's a lot of pruning going on because. Babies are born with. With these open networks that we have to shape through their life experience. And I often refer to them as citizens of the world. Wired and open and ready to learn any language. And you want to focus on your primary native language. Maybe your dual language, a bilingual home. That's great. That's fine. He can master both of them. But the idea is that you need to talk, you need to build these routines. You need to use language and phrases. And gestures to help them understand. So with you as their guide. They make those connections, right? Neuroscientists always say neurons that fire together, wire together. So you're using this repetitive action. These routines, the language. The the physical. Actions. And they're strengthening that those connections that's building automaticity. And that's how we get our kids to be independent. That's how we get our kids to, to follow a routine, say, okay, Joey, it's time to get ready to bed. What do we do first? Or what do we do after we brush our teeth right. In that you're pulling them in and helping them participate. And it's not just being done to them. But this will accelerate vocabulary. Build their listening skills and then build their overall language processing. And like I said, that their memory, their organization. And then it reduces the stress that you have in your daily life. It does. We have to kind of front load it right there. It takes a lot of bandwidth on your part to set the stage. And that's what we're doing in these first couple of years, but. By two years of age, 30 months of age, they're well on their way to building that independence. And so number four top. Reason for having these, schedules and this, routine is to really build healthy habits and everything that I've been talking about are habits. Right? What are your morning habits? What are your morning? Routine. Tell me how you. Chunk up your day and they become habit. Right? Do we have a habit of pouring ourselves a glass of wine after dinner? That's a habit, Do we have, a habit of walking 20 minutes after every meal. That's a habit. Do we have the habit of sharing a book with my little one. As my husband does the dishes, or whatever the habit is. So everyday routines. the big ones like your regular sleeping, your eating patterns, personal hygiene, brushing your teeth, potty training, cleaning up, getting. Learning how to self dress. All of those. Routines are building healthy habits. And we want to step back again, be honest with ourselves and say, what are our habits? Eh, there's based on what our routine is. And that's how we build responsibility. So you can start as young as a one-year-old, who can. Be aware of what you're doing and you can do more hand over hand. Like, this is how we wash ourselves. This is how we pull our pants up. This is how we get our jacket on. Pull them into the activity. Don't just do it at them or on them. Right. They feel that motion of washing their hands. And you're beginning to lay that foundation. You're wiring their brain with the language and the action and the routine. So the overall developmental impact is That you're building physical health, emotional wellbeing. Self-discipline all of these things grow over time with a positive experience. I want to be clear here. I'm not really saying that infants, you know, one and under can do these things or even a one-year old. That we should expect them to quote unquote, do it. What I'm demonstrating is that we start pulling them into the process. So we're we're slowly but surely making those neural connections. And we can help them by saying, oh, look, your hands are dirty. Hmm, what do we do? Luck feel that dirt or that stickiness or gaminess or whatever, and it doesn't have to be yucky. It's just like, Ooh. What do we do? We have to clean them off. Right. And how does it feel? And you can touch it and touch it on their cheek. And so you're bringing a sensory awareness. To oh, when my hands get all yucky. I need to go wash them. Right. Or if they're feeling kind of cranky and they're getting kind of hungry. And you can say, ah, my stomach is growling. I'm hungry or I'm thirsty. We've been playing outside for a long while. I'm thirsty. What do we do when we're thirsty? Or. If they need to change their diaper and say, you're just breaching that 18 month or 20 month. And you're trying to bring their sensory awareness. your diaper is wet. Does that feel yucky? It's wet. And so you're bringing that. Level of awareness, both with language, with sensory perception. Right. And then walking them through. Let's take off your diaper. Can you help mama take off your diaper, pull the tab. And over time. Especially between that first birthday and that second birthday. And then that second birthday and that third birthday. These skills will just begin to blossom. So one of the first. Actual routines that I think every parent. Uh, strives for, is to sleep through the night. And that's, there's, there's a ton of quote-unquote sleep experts and coaches out there. And many, many of them are incredibly helpful. But I think. Before we even. Go to them, your child, your little one. We need to look at the environment. In order to Face this first routine, right? We need to help by structuring their day. And. Helping them. Understand how that flow is. Do we wind down? After dinner. And do we start to feel relaxed maybe in the bathtub? And if you don't take a bath every night, then, start to dim the lights. Wash up, brush your teeth, use a quieter voice. Start to cuddle and rock. Hum sing a lullaby. pick books that are rhythm Mack and rhyming. So it gets them in that kind of state of relaxation. So you create the routine in the environment. And. The tasks that you have to do. Around her or his needs. And then gradually over time. It becomes natural to them. And you can do this even with very, very little ones. And I strongly suggest it in some, some of the big. I think the big pieces that are often overlooked. Are, quieting our voice, dimming the lights, whatever house we've ever lived in, I've always put dimmers on lights because it really helps us transition from our day, our alert state to sleeping. And this helps with naps as well. And so using. Specific. Activities that help them feel calmer inside. And so as a family, then you begin to build these natural schedules around eating and sleeping. And play time, right? Those wake periods. And I think I've mentioned that in a future episode, I'm going to talk specifically about them because It fits it piggybacks onto these, these routines and schedules. And so look at that, no matter where you are on this continuum continuum, six months, 12 months. 24 months. Look at what your daily routines are. And so now that brings us to number five our final. Top. Reason to examine and then begin to modify as you create these routines. And that would be emotional bonding and connection. And I often bring it into the routine of sleeping. Like I just laid out here, but it's also around transitioning your babies from. only formula out and or breast milk to eating solid foods. And that's a really, really big transition as we all know. And it should take those six months from six months of age to 12 months of age. To really help work through that and, and gain really good eating habits. But part of that is. To eat together as a family and that if we want to reduce the risks of picky eaters or grazers, and I've had a couple of episodes on grazing, it's really important that you structure your day, that we have these three main meals and you might have a light snack here and there, but that's not a big heavy meal. And that you can predict when our next meal is And that we all sit down together. Whether we all eat the same meal. And you build these routines with them and they know what to expect. And so then you begin to schedule your day around eating. And sleeping. And that's. A big one and think of it. It's temporary. It's just for these first couple of years, right? That. Your, your waking window, Is between what seven or 8:00 AM and you know, seven or 8:00 PM. And, but you have to get the. The vast majority of your day done during those, those waking windows. But emotional bonding and connection is really. The byproduct of the rhythm of your day, right? Your routines. And it really is around. Our caregiving activities such as feeding and diapering bathing bedtime, but it also includes that one to one play. So if they're really little, this. Tummy time and then it story times, and then it set up. And you know, if they're not crawling yet, then play with those blocks or those little. Tambourines or whatever. And then as they get older and much more. Independent in their mobility, then you still have those routines around. Caregiving, but you also need to think more about their play exposure, right. With you and then independent play. But all of these opportunities. R for close and focused interaction. And the time together really reinforces our attachment, our, a bond with your little one. So I, during these podcasts, I often talk about being present And being purposeful and being playful. And that's, that's why. It is. Uh, important that you, set an intention to all of this, and yes, I admit it's exhausting. Most days being a parent of a baby or a toddler. And if you have two or three, holy moly, but the more routine and structures you can build. As they're building their independence, the easier your day will flow. And yes, it does get overwhelming. I get that. as a parent, I felt this a lot that I was conflicted with the love. I would feel toward my little one and my toddler and the frustration. with all the things I need to do on my to-do list. But I assure you after 35 years of playing with kids on the floor. And guiding moms and dads, lots and lots of dads through creating this natural rhythm at home. And helping them. Understand the importance of being present, being purposeful and being playful, why your changing their diaper or washing their hands or sharing an apple or even going grocery shopping, all of those things that can be stressful. And from time to time, they are. But the more that we understand what is expected of us, then the better we can. Help your child find that security as well. And if they feel secure, attached, loved, understood, responded to. With that foundation, then their social emotional development is strong. And it reduces the chances of meltdowns and power struggles and. Throwing fits in the middle of any grocery store. It fosters this sense of trust and confidence in yourself and in your children. And it's not going to be perfect. I'm not suggesting that at all. And there are going to be times where you're going to have to count to 10. And you, you get down on their level and you look at them, but the more you can let go of that frustration and the more you see at whatever the situation is through their eyes. The better. they're going to meet you. Because you're laying this foundation. Two. Helping them wire their system up to listen. To negotiate. We can't do this now. We can't go to the park now because we have to pick up. You know, sister Mary. Or we have to run to the post office or the dry cleaners, or I have to go home because I have. A zoom call or whatever, but they will know that on Fridays we go to the park. So you're building this. This understanding of trust between us and knowing that just because we can't do it now. I'll be able to do it later. creating these consistent routines really does. Help reduce the stress on yourself and then build their independence. So the, the five main top reasons are for that emotional security. The cognitive growth. Language development. Building those healthy habits. And then that true connection with your child. Lays that foundation. So whatever you have to build on top of it. his future, has stability to it because their system is wired. For that flow. Knowing that life isn't perfect that they'll be thrown a curve ball now, and then, and that. Even with the big things I'm loved, I'm supported. I'm understood. And. They'll be times of stress, you know that I know that I'm not sugarcoating any of this, but I am saying that sometimes we overlook these basic. Skill sets that are really our responsibility. If, We want that seven year old, beautiful child of yours to be independent, To. Get dressed on his own to brush his teeth on his own, to put his backpack together. It's not going to be perfect. And you're still going to have to remind them, but you know that they have it in them to do it most days. And it's really does start. In infancy. after those first six weeks of like, oh my gosh, what have I done? They really do get into the rhythm with you and, and lean into that. You and your baby, and you'll find your rhythm together as a family. So, as I said in the beginning, In later episodes, I'll dive deep into some of these very critical routines, right? Sleep time meal, time, play time, those kinds of elements. But. I wanted you to get a broader perspective of it and how we. As humans really do learn and thrive. And trust this world a lot better when there's more predictability and that it's up to us, the adults to wire their systems, to understand how this world works. So don't forget to use some of my resources that I have shared in the past one is how to help a fussy baby. The link will be down below the other is building a vocabulary. those resources Are designed to help you get the ball rolling, to help you step back and evaluate what's going on in real time. And how can I tweak a few things to make it flow a little easier during these critical first 36 months? So, thanks again, as always for spending your precious time with me. And if you have a direct or specific question, don't hesitate to email me either@contactathigherlearningmylastnamehyercontactathigherlearning.com. And know that my goal here is to help. Prevent and predict and close those gaps so that your baby is really reaching his or her full potential and that you're enjoying helping him through and navigating this wild. Beautiful. Unpredictable world we live in. So God bless take care, and I'll see you in the next episode.